Melancholy under Duress

 Dear Friend, Internet and Johny Depp,

We are gathered today in the holy sermon to discuss the matter of heart. My heart to be exact because I don't give a fudge about other people.

The Louvre museum, the place where they kept the Monalisa painting. The famous Eifel Tower in Paris. The big ben in london. The i dont know what bridge in Italy (Venice?). Recently a good friend of mine went to all of the above. The photo is mesmerizing and beautifully taken it bring tears in my eyes. I'm proud that my friend is able to visit such majestic places.

I don't think I will ever visit such place in my lifetime. I can make my infant smile with peekaboo, i got that going for me which is nice. (2010 called, they want their meme back).

Then I cried for how miserable my life is, and the fact that I will never be able to visit such place. It is my own doing for I lack self believe and this malevolent thought process need to be remedied pronto. 

We need other people to suffer to make us feel better. African kids must starve so we can feel good about our self. It's not pretty. It is the ugly truth of the world in the practical sense. In the perfect world, we should be grateful just because and nothing else. 

The point is, (this probably trademarked by John Oliver) I feel proud and melancholy. If you mentioned the Lourve Museum, I will burst into relentless tears. Mostly melancholy and a dab of pride knowing my friend been to places that I dream of. 

What am I doing with my life?

I feel sorry for my kids because I'm not ambitious or motivated. I hope they get rich and love me with money.

The reason I', writing to you ladies and gentleman, is to for me to figure out what is going on on in the gyri of my brain. Why am I sad.

It's always melancholy. 

Now insert latin phrase below to appear sophisticated. 
Cogito, ergo sum. 

Thank you and have a nice day. 

Galaxy of Eternal Pain

The weight of his emotional upheaval is dragging him down. He walk slowly throughout the labyrinth of human at the train station. His feet shuffle slowly, one slow step at a time. People walk pass him and he does not care. Nobody notice this creature of woe. He keep reliving all the bad memory that just had happened to him ,clinging to it like a horder who is unwilling to part ways with their broken collection. He question does anybody really understand how he feel now. He know it useless to pain other with his story of despair and tribulation because he knows, homo sapiens has an inherent lack of interest to listen to other human misery unless they really cared about the afrementioned troubled soul. He rake up his brain for anyone that care about him and he is left dissatisfied. He just want to cry and die. To be far away from the undying pain,do far away from people whom kept hurting him with their nasty nasty word witout end . He sit on the throne of despair, sadness is his nutrient. In the end no one cares if he lives or die. No one. I could only watch him suffer as I know my word of consolation ring hollow. I cannot remove his pain with my empty promises of a better days to come. He and I both know it ain't going to happen so why bother at the first place. He has been betrayed on countless occasion. His believed long dead. The agony. The agony. It follow him like a shadow, like a patient angel. Like a tireless machine. That is the last that I saw the man. In the train station. I never did see him again.

Best Title Ever

Reward your hard worker with warning letter, award lazy employee with best employees award, and promote lazy employees. That is the best way to run a business, I know this for a fact because that is how I run Apple Waffle Inc. Fun fact, take short cut at work to get success.

Dear waffle eater, I'm sure you were wondering where was I for the whole year of 2017. The truth is I've been away like Luke Skywalker. Yes, I was in a desolated island, cut my self from the force and waiting to die. Except I didn't milk the local walrus there. I drink only booze mix with rhino ejaculates.

By the way, did anyone like Star Wars the Last Jedi. Honestly, that movie make me puke and throw away my imaginary lightsaber. It is a privilege to watch the death of a franchise. Anyone who like the movie deserve to watch human centipede in 3D.

Could we expect a lot of post this year since I'm writing again? Nobody know, so don't bet any of your testicle or ovary on this to be a long term thing.

Anyway fuck you , fuck me and fuck everybody.

Your sincerely,
Keough
CEO of Apple Waffle Inc
Emperor of Colorado and Boston

What the fuck phone,why you use malaysian time when im in jakarta

Murder is the answer to all our worldly problem.

Hate your unresponsible aunty who won't take care of your grandma.kill them

Need a promotion? Kill the one u report to and replace them.

Tired of friend who is full of shit...kill them.....

Your dad give you shitty childhood and now you are a reclusive fuck face,kill your dad.

Tired of bollock politician? Well i really can't recommend killing them bcoz i dont want to go to prison so use your own fucking judgement, faggot.

Disclaimer...this is all a joke..please do not murder people or kill other people.what is wrong with you? THIS IS JUST A JOKEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! $*&$*#*#&*#(#(#&(@)/^*@)!

Things that matter

The hot shower wash away the humanly misery and pain inflicted by other human, making me innocent once more. The painting of pink roses on the wall tell me that life is still beautiful and interesting and luring me to keep staring at it. The blanket soothe me with word of comfort and promises of a better future. I learned to appreciate the friendship I have and care about people that really care about me. The world is never out to get me, but without a doubt the inhabitants find pleasure in hurting others. Amazing world, shitty inhabitants and that sum it up quite nicely. I build a stone wall around me to protect me from the cruel and hateful people that never love me. An invisible fotress that protect me from harm and such. I love you world and I definitely think we would have a long and happy relationship. :)

Young,dumb and full of cum

10 things not to do while working at midnight shift.

1. Practice krav maga on the laptop
2. Cum on your workmate face
3. Support jew and israel
4. Buy military grade rifle using company email
5. Search emma watson nude photo
6. Open every locker and steal all the food
7. Eat dried horse penis
8. Admire your new blonde hair on the office window reflection at the locker area
9. Fall in love with your friend's mom
10. Write a blog (clothing is optional)

P/s:fuck u and have a nice day

Reasonable insanity

10 thing not to do when you are bored and all your friend is asshole or non-existence or imaginary

1. Cry like a bitch
2. Wank to the photo of jonas brothers
3. Slap ur butt while singing the foo
4. Molest an one armed orphan
5. Fuck a camel
6. Fuck a baby camel
7. Watch the bachelor
8. Praying to satan
9. Suprise prostate surgery to unsuspecting victom
10. Write a blog without pant (tee hee)

P/s:fuck u

The Blot In The History of Mankind

I'm of the weed and cocaine so thas gonna be the ugly half-naked truth.

I could see people I know is now in a better place than me and they are absolutely going to an even much better place.

I could see my life spiraling into a deeper abyss where I can't turn back and correct whatever regret I have.

I am really ashamed for I have done in the past and I'm not sure this guilt is valid or just the depression talking.

Whatever innocence I have left is gone and now I only wonder how did it come to this.

This self-loathing is not healthy at all.

The Tragic Story of Lotus and The Shadow Under a Windmill

Life is disease where the cure is death. Suffering is a powerful word. All we do in this world is suffer and suffering is all there is. Do not delude yourself with the luxury of free will and ephemeral happiness nor the the pursuit of happiness. Happiness does not exist. The only truth is suffering. Pain beyond agony, hurt beyond the embodiment of all mortality and doom desire. What are we if not a trickling in sea of darkness. We are made of nothing and universe demand us to be rid of existence. All the achievement in the history pale compare to the shining light of the decadent sun of cruelty and incompetence of human nature. A poet may be a poet may does, but still condemnation of the insincere society is his birthright. The passport to abridge sadness and madness and dash of pure brilliance is just theoretical. None has been more pure academic than the conjecture that there is the slightest chance being happy. No postulation has been more imprecise than the there is still good in people. After all being said and done,we are nothing but a bag of bone and flesh. Are we too blind to see happiness is the biggest lie we ever invented? 

Follow the true path my child

HOW TO WIN ELECTION

Phew, the last post was pretty dark and un-fun. Rest assure waffle-eater,after a few round of genuine Afghanistan weed and 10 kg of cocaine,I feel much better. Well,since my white matter and gyri of my brain still functioning,lets write another bullshit that nobody will read about. (By the way fellow blogger, don't criticize government or we might end up in jail *wink wink*,who knows what they refer as offensive,but im pretty sure its include the word ................pineapple).

Fuck fuck shit motherfucking fuck ass tit fuck.

Now that we already done the compulsory swear in Apple Waffle blog,lets move on to the topic..............After this commercial~ 

Feeling tired? Constant Stresss and possibly terminated by your company? Headache? Don't worry, Use Keough-dol.It is 100 times more effective than panadol. Relieve all your pain instantly!

Consult your local doctor before use. Side effect may include vomiting,death , man-boob and erectile dysfuntion.Battery not included.

Photo of Jennifer Lawrence to make sure you keep reading.

Any proud and respected government want to retain power in the next election. Okay governments around the world,this is your lucky day because I will teach you how to definitely win an election. Just follow this fool-proof step and be amaze of the result!

HOW TO WIN THE NEXT ELECTION

Step 1 : This step is very important ,make sure there is 2.6 billion in your personal account

Step 2 : Remove the subsidies for rice,cooking oil and cooking gas

Step 3 : Increase price for highway toll,taxi,public transport,water bill and electric bill

Step 4 : Fire your deputy prime minister

Step 5 : Open an investment company that lose money around 40 billion 

Step 6 : Fire/transfer the chairman of the committee that investigate possible corruption 

Step 7 : Add 40 new voting area in one of your state.

Step 8 : Promise to reveal who gave you 2.6 billion donation

Step 9 : break your promise and don't reveal the guy who gave you the 2.6 billion donation

Step 10: jail anyone who try criticize you,especially through blog

........and done.

This is all funny because the poor citizen will suffer a lot.HAHAHAHHA right?

Thanks for watching Apple Waffle, my name is Keough and I support my government,especially the Prime Minister.

Concoction of Clandestine Crematorium

My biggest fear is no one ever truly love me or care about me. And it's probably happening right now, fast and unexpected. Maybe I did see it coming. Maybe I deserve it. I have a beloved special person and I know I am taking her for granted. I wish I am more reliable in my current condition. A healthy adult ,everything suppose to be possible,within my reach and the world is mine for the taking.Lately and chronically I have not feeling too well,or too happy. All my mistake and regret seem to come my way and I find myself trying hard to cope with every mental trauma that keep resurging from the shadow of the past. It's constant and it hurt. It hurt so much and I need to learn not to let this rage and disappointment control me. Looking back, happiness is a queer and foreign word. Everything I done seem to haunt me in my darkest hour. I tried. I didn't make it. I keep wanting more. Bitter with every unfulfilled craving. I wish I was somebody else. Happy doing cool stuff and living the dream of many. But don't believe everything I say because this is the depression talking, and not me.

No end has better beginning

Sapien Tribune

To be a man is to hold unbearable pain

To be a man is to endure long and unbroken hardship

To be a man is to face wave after wave of disappointment

To be a man is to fail everything in life but still dream of success

To be man is to know there is no happiness and still get the job done

A man never wished to be  man,but he was crafted,molded by untold misery and circumstances.

A man long to relinquished his burden and just be the boy whose simple delight is 20 cent bubble blower.

Meta-analysis of Game

Video game is the bane of humanity. Hundreds and thousands hours wasted for a pointless end. You get absolutely nothing after you finish that game. I bet if the countless hours spend playing video game is used for more beneficial pursuit, like....... I don't know... cure for cancer, solving world hunger, new clean energy, making Keough rich, whatever.

Instead, all the collective force of human mind is poured into the abyss we call video game.( In fact we even pour our money into it sometimes)

The addiction is real, don't ask me how to quit, I'm just your averagely handsome-Malaysian-blogger. What do I know. I don't even own a car.

We crave the sense of quasi-achievement , that's why we come back to that game again and again. WE WANT TO FEEL WE ACHIEVE SOMETHING, thus we are the gullible victim of addiction of success,lure by promise of victories provided through the game. We feel the need to have purpose in life. We feel the need to have our life mean something and game provided this generously.

However, does anything in our life have meaning?

Is anything worthwhile doing?

As you step on the door of death, you turn back and see everything is meaningless.

Don't listen to me. I am just a shadow mist.

Death by Damascus

Thanks a fuck for cutting in front me in the cashier line, I honestly grateful for being treated rudely and I can't wait to be treated like that again. Yes,I am talking to you 40 years old something cunt on period (I know this for a fact because she bought pad) and stupid 20 years old something man/faggot.

I notice you both cut me in line moron, next time I see you both, I am gonna literally fucking kill you with a sharp knife make you bleed all over the cash register machine,and after that i'm gonna rape your hot daughter and make her cum till she died from excessive-orgasm. 

That's not all, I'm gonna buried that body in different place of the world, head-Ukraine,limb-Syria, genital-Pakistan.

If you are these kind of sick bastard, do me a favor , go to the nearest terrorist headquarter and ask to be beheaded. Don't ask to be film because cunt like you don't deserve any special attention.

Photo of how of people who cut in-line die

 Do you know what they do to people like you in hell? They burn you beside Hitler and make you suck Justin Bieber cock while you are being anally rape by The Hulk.

For anyone who is offended by this unforgivable crime, I would totally understand if you punch the criminal in the mouth. In fact ,it should be legally mandatory to punch them in the mouth. Furthermore,it should be compulsory to teach kid in the kindergarten how to punch people in the mouth.

Hey Keough, relax, it just small matter. DON'T SMALL MATTER WITH ME ,YOUNG MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT IS SMALL? YOUR MOTHER'S TIT. 

Thanks for watching today's episode of AppleWaffle, my name is Keough and I'M PISS OFF

Introvert guide to Party

Party,if you get invited to one ,good for you. Party is where you get to eat unlimited food with myriad choice.What could go wrong Sir Keough? Free food,free drink and you are good to go. WRONG WONG WRONG. Party is where you sit like dumbfuck for 30 minutes or more trying to strike a conversation with strangers. Some considered this as 3rd level of hell. So here is an introvert guide to party.

1. Eat slowly, so you have something to do for the next 30 minutes

2. Drink slowly ,same reason with above.

3. Don’t have eye contact with other woman

4. Don’t sit beside married lady

5. Don’t sit beside single lady

6. Don’t sit beside a photo of single lady

7. Don’t sit when they play the song ‘Single Lady” by Beyonce

8. Crawl Sit as far as possible from other people

9. Don’t try to make any joke,you probably gonna screw it up anyway.

10. Resist the urge to talk to anyone

11. Smile at people passing by


Since I know most of your brain is smaller than mine, this is all.

The Reluctant Jew

There was a boy who is tall and always smile. He would talk to anyone he meet. He would comment and chat with everyone in his facebook. He would chatter non-stop with his classmate.  No one ever reply his text and call and no one ever chat or comment in his facebook. Soon the boy realize no one like him . Everyone was talking bad things about him behind his back and collectively agree to hate him. Some of them even bully and verbally torture the boy. He become depressed and suicidal . He is now writing a blog nobody read and he live alone sadly ever after. The end.

Mazel tov!

Adventure in IKEA

Getting there as as your mom. The traffic is really heavy because me and my missus went there during the weekend. Parking place was ample

The place got some Nepal security guard whom don't speak Malay language so if I were you, I pack one pocket-edition Malay-Nepal Oxoford dictionary.

Me and my missus is dying to taste the IKEA meatball but the line is like crazy long ( I counted,its like 100 people in the line) , ain't nobody got time for that,so we get the fuck out from the restaurant area and start shopping immediately. 

The IKEA store has a linear path, so once you enter, you have to visit ALL the section ,such as Bedroom section and kitchen section if you want to exit the building. So in the event of fire, you probably die. 

You will NOTICE that all the book in IKEA that were lying around is not worth to steal because they are all in Swedish . (In the event that you know Swedish, you know what to do and good luck )

A lot of beautiful ladies AND GUYS trying to flirt with Keough but his missus chase them away with her half-baked wing chun.

We bought a heavy-arse table, juicer, a couple of chair, and 4kg of weed.

The dinner in IPC mall was splendid, we had the most tender and delicious Nasi Ayam with their very very generous portion of sliced salty black sauce chicken. But just in case if I get Salmonella and die, please sue them for my behalf.

  

I bought 4 roses for my beloved and she toss them inside the IKEA yellow bag, so I'm kinda sad by that but it's okay,I still love her thought. Well, I'm sure 200 hours of dota2 could cheer me up.( I GO MID) 

.

Guardian of the Hooker Bar

The funny thing about security guard in Malaysia (and I'm not talking about the nepal security guard,they are good) is they will find the most cripple,senile or woman person to do the job. What,you age is just 73? Welcome aboard! Here is your baton, your uniform and your newspaper and you are good to go. Whistle? Oh no, we don't have budget for that. Paper-spray? Buy it yourself.

Photo of Keough while he is in Afghanistan, trying to defend Iraq.Death to America!

Come on,man. How do you expect this senile/ cripple /obese woman to guard something when they are that disabled? I once saw a security guard that is so thin,a gentle breeze would fly him away.

Now that we have identified the problem, let proceed to the solution. Here is my suggestion/job-advertisement for security officer.

VERY URGENT REQUIRED

SECURITY OFFICER

• Strictly Male
• Have six-pack and buff
• Must at least know wing chun or have a black belt in karate
• Age 22-40
• Minimum on year experience in Afghanistan
• Able to kill with just stare.
• Good knowledge in adobe photoshop CS5 
• Able to read,write and explain String Field Theory

  


Thanks for wathcing today's episode of Apple Waffle. My name is Earl Keough and I sometimes blush when I look at my own photo.

A Bagful of Tears and Mucus

School kids now days is so different from my time.

Back on my days, nobody have a facebook account

Back in my days, nobody have handphone

Back in my days, they don't post video about their love

Back in my days, cane and slap is routine procedure to discipline misbehaving children/teenagers

Back in my days, we don't have a judo club

Back in my days, nodody know what is futsal and there is no free futsal court nearby

Back in my days, presentation was based on paper, not powerpoint

Back in my days, people send love letter,not SMS

Back in my days, there is no wifi at school and we dont even know how to use the internet

Back in my days, we don't have anyone to assist the children to cross the road.

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle, my name is Keough and I am 80 years old.

Cheating Charlton

Yours truly and the missus went to dinner at Carlton  Hotel in Shah Alam. This is an honest review,i mean brutally review. If you don't like it,suck my left nut,then the right one, and tell your momma Keough don't care.

Without further ado, I pass the mic to my beloved beautiful,cute,adorable,lovable,sexy,smexy missus a.k.a Jennifer Lawrence twin...........Pumpkin!

(Diclaimer :I did not been forced to write above)

If we want to eat nasi,we go to mamak,we don't eat at hotel. It's a cowboy theme,I don't understand  why they don't serve western food. Why we spend money to buy cloth and eat food we can found at nearby street/hooker bar. Well, they did serve sirloine steak... nearby the undercook spaghetti. Sirloine steak my ass,it taste like dogshit roll over on a cow shit. 

I WANT REFUND !!!!!!!!!!

The only good thing about the dinner is everyone tried their best to not-noticing us.. and that's what we want! Everyone stupidly wears costume they bought from i-sock (watever I don't care) and not to mention quadraple layer of make ups that make them look like a chinese opera actor... If you ever watch a Kabuki show, (or ever sleep with a transexual prostitute) you will know what I mean. 

for you reference

I just imagined that we will need to puke after each course to fit the other course... tuns out we are still feeling hungry going back home.

*Pumpkin pass the mic back to Keough and yell refund every 3 seconds

Everything this was under-seasoned or under-cooked. You could still taste the raw flour in the spaghetti and laksa. They got live concert which play the most corniest song ever. However there is ample parking space. The toilet is immaculate. Overall, it's sucks.

Eddy rating : -100

Pumkin rating: -5 I WANT REFUND!!!!!!!!!!