Concoction of Clandestine Crematorium

My biggest fear is no one ever truly love me or care about me. And it's probably happening right now, fast and unexpected. Maybe I did see it coming. Maybe I deserve it. I have a beloved special person and I know I am taking her for granted. I wish I am more reliable in my current condition. A healthy adult ,everything suppose to be possible,within my reach and the world is mine for the taking.Lately and chronically I have not feeling too well,or too happy. All my mistake and regret seem to come my way and I find myself trying hard to cope with every mental trauma that keep resurging from the shadow of the past. It's constant and it hurt. It hurt so much and I need to learn not to let this rage and disappointment control me. Looking back, happiness is a queer and foreign word. Everything I done seem to haunt me in my darkest hour. I tried. I didn't make it. I keep wanting more. Bitter with every unfulfilled craving. I wish I was somebody else. Happy doing cool stuff and living the dream of many. But don't believe everything I say because this is the depression talking, and not me.

No end has better beginning