Sunday, September 28, 2014

Cheating Charlton

Yours truly and the missus went to dinner at Carlton  Hotel in Shah Alam. This is an honest review,i mean brutally review. If you don't like it,suck my left nut,then the right one, and tell your momma Keough don't care.

Without further ado, I pass the mic to my beloved beautiful,cute,adorable,lovable,sexy,smexy missus a.k.a Jennifer Lawrence twin...........Pumpkin!

(Diclaimer :I did not been forced to write above)

If we want to eat nasi,we go to mamak,we don't eat at hotel. It's a cowboy theme,I don't understand  why they don't serve western food. Why we spend money to buy cloth and eat food we can found at nearby street/hooker bar. Well, they did serve sirloine steak... nearby the undercook spaghetti. Sirloine steak my ass,it taste like dogshit roll over on a cow shit. 
I WANT REFUND !!!!!!!!!!

The only good thing about the dinner is everyone tried their best to not-noticing us.. and that's what we want! Everyone stupidly wears costume they bought from i-sock (watever I don't care) and not to mention quadraple layer of make ups that make them look like a chinese opera actor... If you ever watch a Kabuki show, (or ever sleep with a transexual prostitute) you will know what I mean. 

for you reference

I just imagined that we will need to puke after each course to fit the other course... tuns out we are still feeling hungry going back home.

*Pumpkin pass the mic back to Keough and yell refund every 3 seconds

Everything this was under-seasoned or under-cooked. You could still taste the raw flour in the spaghetti and laksa. They got live concert which play the most corniest song ever. However there is ample parking space. The toilet is immaculate. Overall, it's sucks.

Eddy rating : -100
Pumkin rating: -5 I WANT REFUND!!!!!!!!!!

Behind The Scene

Dear valued reader a.k.a waffle-eater,Apple Waffle Industries is motivated to bring you the most excellent retarded piece of shit every week and we hope you will continue to grow with us. We are grateful for our partnership and would be happy to pleasure you sexually for years to come. Thank you for reading Apple Waffle and we like to personally give you imaginary 1000 dollar. Apple Waffle Industries would also like to thanks our beloved employee for their contribution in producing the most wonderfully lousy blog in the history. Without further ado, here is a list of Apple Waffle Industries employee.

He is a humble bussinessman with a small cock.

Laura Slenderman
She was born in Kulim and like to eat laksa asam.

Patrick Spenderman
Audio Master
He is a Manchesterpool fan (Manchester United + Liverpool) and love karaoke.

Kha Khee Busyuk
He collect stamp and have the longest chest hair in his hometown, Phuket.

Damien Koldobolvokotsky
He is a tall man with dark hair. He once almost shake hand with a girl.

Pravda Pravada Prapit
She loves to cook curry and dance to Bollywood. Her star-sign is Cancer.

Tim Norton
Graphic Designer
He come to work late and never attend meeting.

Arnold Scwazerneiger
Toilet Cleaner
He used to be a famous star in action-film

Bruce Willis
He claimed he was in die hard 1 ,2,3,4 and 5 but nobody in the office believe him.

Berus Bilis
Head Clerk
A big fan of fishing and good friend of Bruce Willis

Chong Chong Chin
He still haven't watch Hunger Game and he like to involve in car accident.

Barack Obama
He enjoy kidney stone and heart disease. Sometimes he yell freedom for no reason.

Maria Ozaza
She never watch porn. Poor girl....

Juliana Evan
We never knew how she got her BMW but we knew who scratch her car.

Lord Voldermort
Human Resource
"Why nobody come to my office?"

Quality Assurance
Her wife got rich from bribery and they have 80 rich in-laws.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Sabbatical without a Sabbatical

Disclaimer:Oh boy, this post gonna be super-like diary type blog,so if you feel regret reading this, contact me and I will give you free potato.

A sabbatical without a sabbatical. Is that even possible,logical or non-paradoxical at all? Is it possible for soul searching achieve it's objective despite the exclusion of the "searching" , what are to be found in the search and will the answer ever be found at all?

If you never ever been in dilemma where you are unsure of how to live,on how to be a  part of this world, how to have peace despite of all the negativity around you and surrounding you, well I am glad for you and may you never be imprison in this mental state.

I and some unfortunate few have to struggle to find the meaning of our life, the meaning behind our suffering and how to keep our sanity intact and be at peace with the past,presence and future .(but mostly the past)

If you watch "Honey and Clover",which is a delightful anime show that you wont be sorry to watch, this is the part Takemoto ride his bicycle across Japan. This is also the part where Forest Gump start running when Jenny left her.Or maybe your dad had done it or still doing it,that's why he is still in Burma or Africa or whatever with just a back pack and clothes on his body.

I could tell you with confident, my dear and dearest loyal reader, that I am not strong for soul searching. I love comfort. I love my bed and my pillow and my food and my books. I am not prepare to start a journey onto the unknown,(preferentially by foot),I am not fond of hardship, but if I have to give a destination, I say I might as well walk around Malaysia.

For me , the word soul searching is not appealing at all. I am not searching for soul or any ghost of dead person. What I am searching for is myself. Who is me. What am I. What am I doing with my life. How do I carry on at this point. When I embark on my quest to find myself,I keep searching for the answer of these question.

  1.  The meaning of our life.
  2. The reason behind our suffering. 
  3.  How to end our suffering.
  4. Everyone around me look so damn happy, why can't I be like that?
Midway through my soul searching,it occur to me that maybe :
I will never find my answer and I could live my whole life and still not found the answer.

I could smugly tell you that my journey start this morning and end at exactly 1.04 PM. (GMT +7 ,PDT 10 PM). The answer is for me and me alone. How I discover it and what my answer is won't be explicitly written on this monograph and indubitably remain a secret. This is my answer and my answer shall never be reasonably satisfactory for you or anyone else,am I right. You just have to do it the hard way by embarking on your own quest. ( Don't forget your fire-torch and knife)

Friday, September 12, 2014

Keough Fascinating Journey with ADHD

Man, do where I start? Having ADHD is not walk in the park. It's tough. ADHD stands for 
Adult Diapers Honrny Diabetic
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. 

How do I know this, well,I was born with it la...duhhh.

I have this crazy endless energy to play futsal or basketball for 4 hours straight.I feel like I have endless stamina. I remember playing badminton 5 hours straight while under the hot sun and FASTING.When I'm walking to the shopping mall or dating (yes,I have girlfriend and she is not imaginary),I have this crazy strong urge to run around and around and around.

As a child, Ryan Gosling was reportedly unable to read and was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), prescribed Ritalin, and placed in a class for special-needs students.

Even if I am just walking to shop nearby, I feel like running and jumping over any  parked motorcycle or dead hooker AND climb any fence or wall that block me. ( I may or may not be naked during the aforementioned process)

Hyper? Yeah,you could say that. I am rather smug with my endless stamina. (flex muscle and eyebrow and penis )

"My doctor diagnosed me with ADHD in my early teens. What was really helpful to me was learning that this was a real medical condition – I had ADHD."-Adam Levine ,Maroon5

Furthermore,if you have ADHD,you will never, I repeat, you will never allow other people to complete their question. I'll tell you what you do. You will blurt out your answer faster than the spasm of my grandma convulsing ,like it's a fucking  Science Quiz Championship.I mean, you know you are fucking awesome when you speed of answer is equivalent to the speed of light, I bet Einstein dream to do experiment on your juicy lips if he is still alive.

Will Smith never settled for one lane and this is a direct result of his ADHD. Will once described himself as the “fun one who had trouble paying attention.” He even admitted before that he has trouble reading movie scripts.

In addition, the most sure-fire, indubitable way to know you have ADHD is you never do school homework. Even if you did do it, you work is half-arse or not finished. I have ADHD so I never completed my work. Stop calling ADHD people lazy. We are not lazy. We just have poor concentration


*the producer calm down Keough with a slap and two punch

*after being slap,everyone left the studio except Damien the Cameraman, he always like to jerk on Keough face while he is unconscious from being punch

*Damien is not gay but he is bi-curios and a closet-communist

*you must be wondering why you even bother to read this retarded shit 

Thank for wathcing today's episode of Apple Waffle, my name is Keough and I may or may not be writing this blog in the toilet. *flush

P/s : My stool is star-shape today...and green in colour

Friday, September 5, 2014

The Burden of Autism

I have autism thus explaining the crazy and the unfocused content of this blog.

Having autism is awful. People call you weird and you are guaranteed to have no friend. Autism people just don't understand social function. They don't understand human interaction.

Since I did not know how interact to normal human,I tend to anger them and make them hate me unintentionally.Some of you may point out that maybe people hate me because I am such an arsehole but 
I am such an arsehole because I don't understand the proper way to interact with other human.

Forget Higgs boson and Theory of Relativity,for me, talking and retaining relationship is the most mysterious thing in the world.

Einstein could not stand for his children to touch him.

Did I mention that people call you weird? Yes I did, and they call you weird A LOT. (Especially behind your back and behind the back of your house)

Furthermore,having autism mean you are born never to behave socially acceptable in 75% of the times. We are born to suffer the jeers and snickers, the mockery and insults,not to mention snide and derogatory remarks.

We just think differently.

So those of you who does not have this burden of autism, you better be grateful to your lord,Allah,Jesus,Amon-Ra or whatever.

Newton was very quiet and not very good at ‘small talk’, or typical day to day conversations. Newton was not good at keeping or making friends as he did not appear friendly, nor did he know how to talk with individuals he did consider to be friends. Newton also relied strongly upon routines. For example, if he had been scheduled to give a lecture, that lecture was going to happen whether there was an audience or not.

We autistic people tend to behave borderline schizophrenic but actually we are not.That's why we are not taking any anti-psychotic,thank you.(Maybe I should? Muahahhahaha *throw bomb at the bookstore while naked*)

Sorry to interrupt you, your-holy-handsomeness Keough, there must be a reason God created you this way. Maybe it's a blessing.

Right, I should use this autism ,this power for good just like Dexter Morgan. However I do like to imply that the power of constantly-making-people-hate-you and the power of borderline-schizophrenic is useless and should never use on anyone.(Including prostitute)

Besides that,I constantly feel regret and  ashamed of everything I did ,even if the embarrassing event was 6 months ago.   

Well, enough nonsense for one day. Thank you for reading my beautifully crafted monograph, I am Keough and if you stop reading my blog, Demon of Herpes will kiss you on your ding dong.

Further reading :