Sabbatical without a Sabbatical

Disclaimer:Oh boy, this post gonna be super-like diary type blog,so if you feel regret reading this, contact me and I will give you free potato.

A sabbatical without a sabbatical. Is that even possible,logical or non-paradoxical at all? Is it possible for soul searching achieve it's objective despite the exclusion of the "searching" , what are to be found in the search and will the answer ever be found at all?

If you never ever been in dilemma where you are unsure of how to live,on how to be a  part of this world, how to have peace despite of all the negativity around you and surrounding you, well I am glad for you and may you never be imprison in this mental state.

I and some unfortunate few have to struggle to find the meaning of our life, the meaning behind our suffering and how to keep our sanity intact and be at peace with the past,presence and future .(but mostly the past)

If you watch "Honey and Clover",which is a delightful anime show that you wont be sorry to watch, this is the part Takemoto ride his bicycle across Japan. This is also the part where Forest Gump start running when Jenny left her.Or maybe your dad had done it or still doing it,that's why he is still in Burma or Africa or whatever with just a back pack and clothes on his body.

I could tell you with confident, my dear and dearest loyal reader, that I am not strong for soul searching. I love comfort. I love my bed and my pillow and my food and my books. I am not prepare to start a journey onto the unknown,(preferentially by foot),I am not fond of hardship, but if I have to give a destination, I say I might as well walk around Malaysia.

For me , the word soul searching is not appealing at all. I am not searching for soul or any ghost of dead person. What I am searching for is myself. Who is me. What am I. What am I doing with my life. How do I carry on at this point. When I embark on my quest to find myself,I keep searching for the answer of these question.

1.  The meaning of our life.
2. The reason behind our suffering. 
3.  How to end our suffering.
4. Everyone around me look so damn happy, why can't I be like that?

Midway through my soul searching,it occur to me that maybe :

I will never find my answer and I could live my whole life and still not found the answer.

I could smugly tell you that my journey start this morning and end at exactly 1.04 PM. (GMT +7 ,PDT 10 PM). The answer is for me and me alone. How I discover it and what my answer is won't be explicitly written on this monograph and indubitably remain a secret. This is my answer and my answer shall never be reasonably satisfactory for you or anyone else,am I right. You just have to do it the hard way by embarking on your own quest. ( Don't forget your fire-torch and knife)