Monday, November 26, 2012

Obnoxious Toilet

Yours truly a.k.a Keough (the most handsome person in the galaxy) go toilet to piss ,but was surprise by a nasty shock. The toilet bowl seat is full of urine. how could this be? Who on earth pee so badly and DON'T WASH THEIR OWN MESS????? I mean, the aim are so bad. I am so glad the person who is responsible for the urine on toilet bowl is not a soldier or he will shoot his own platoon member!

So I start to wonder what kind of people who pee ON THE TOILET BOWL AND DONT WASH THEIR OWN MESSS. I made a list of people who belong in this unhygienic group. Trust me, I have science and fact to back this up. (And my fist if necessary to convince you)


1. my roommate Bush roommate Hitler    

3. my roommate Satan

4. my roommate Kanye West

5. my roommate Chris Brown

6. my roommate Justin Bieber

7. my roommate Scarlett Johansson 

8. my roommate Taylor Swift

9.  my roommate Alien

10. my roommate Ray William Johnson

Thx for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I am Keough and you are awesome. 


This is Eddy's guide to classmate. If you never have a classmate before,it is either
a. you are homeless
b. you are an antelope living in the sanvannah
c. you are al qaeda member

Classmate could be helpful. They tell when is class ,help you with work and whatnot but most probably you will end up with fiendish and satan-reincarnation-ish as classmates.

Yes this apply to you Mr Taliban-faggot a.k.a my group leader a.k.a CUNT. My esteemed college did nothing to notify or inform me the class is held earlier than scheduled, so the time I arrived at the class, it's already over, and people are packing their bag to go home and the lecturer is signing off the attendance sheet.

WTF is going on????? WHY ARE THEY SO HEARTLESS???? (congratulations for being such an arsehole,go get yourself a medal for it)

Picture of one of my classmate

I bust my arse driving 30 km to class for nothing? To make it worse Mr Taliban-CUNT asked me ' How does it feels coming here just to poop?" (because I have to poop nearby the class when I arrive, nothing to worry's not explosive diarehea,thanks for your concern, you fucking anal-licker)

The nerve!!! You make me unable to attend the class and then you know I just drove 30 km for nothing, and THEN YOU ASK ME HOW DOES IT FEEL???????

I TELL YOU HOW I FEEL you sick cunt,(notice the intensity of anger of these word as I can't type the word any bigger than this)

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle, I am Eddy and I approve my blog albeit what my mom would say....

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Low Voice

Malay, generally a bunch of timid human who can't speak up and can't voice their opinion strongly. They will mumble something barely comprehensible. HOW THE FUCK I'm gonna listen to you if you voice is so low. Speak the fuck up please! (before I slice your nipple!)

All this is based on my own personal experience as a student in a class predominantly Malay.

I know one guy ,let's call him Pussyfaggot. He is very rude. He is rude to you,talk loudly, but the moment he is in front of the lecturer, he will lost all trace of balls / manhood. He will suddenly croak, lost his voice, talk softly, stuttering like there is a dildo stuck in his throat. Main whore of the story is, Pussyfaggot is a spineless pussy . 


Pussyfaggot with normal friend -----> talk loudly like a gorilla

Pussyfaggot with lecturer---------->suddenly he is a snail. no ability to talk properly. grunt heavily like a      fucking caveman
photo of Pussyfaggot, he is proud his nostril diameter is bigger than  a tennis ball


Thanx for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm KEOUGH and you are adopted awesome.

p/s : I love to do it with your mom and her cousin at the same time

* disclaimer : anyone who is offended by this blog, I would be grateful if you could just go fuck yourself. Furthermore,FUCK YOU.

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Usually I censor my blog from profanity, but you know what? today just fuck it.
if you don't want to listen to curses, just go watch Nickelodeon or something.

I have to admit, never in my life I witness a whole bunch of group , so faggot they create a new level of homosexualism. I deem they are worthy of the title COCKSUCKER. You know why?

(not because they suck their own cock, even though it's true they do suck their own cock from time to time)

It is because their attitude. They are so full of themselves , they might explode any moment with their own rudeness and plain disregard to other human being.  I personally believe its a crime NOT to kill this motherfucking-cocksuckers. The world is much much much better place without them. And I though jew was bad. These cocksucker are worse than jew. Just put it that way. If jew see these motherfucking cocksuckers, they will be like "oww man, these cocksucker are like, more faggot than us."

Most guy would play futsal nicely right? Not these fuckers, just imagine you were walking then someone punch you in the face for no reason,then do it again every 5 minutes. Or better yet, imagine you were surfing the internet, then they bring a bag of cow shit ,pour into your laptop, your laptop become so mentally scared it start downloading  gay porn non-stop ..........and THEN...... they punch you in the face. They hate you AND your family.

So we agreed these cocksuckers could FUCK OFF 

You thought if you don't retaliate all those harsh treatment, they will change their attitude. No no no..wait wait wait a fucking seconds, they will continue to grind you until you become a fine powder to be use as soup flavoring. 

This is my open letter to these motherfucking cocksuckers.


I wish to complain in the strongest term regarding your conduct on our recent futsal match. Please find a surgical scalpel. I would be grateful if you could cut your own dick and balls, make a low-fat cock sandwich and force your mother to eat that sandwich. Furthermore, go FUCK YOURSELVES.


Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle, and I ashamed to share the same galaxy with these motherfucking cocksuckers.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Shaky Photos

domestic violence is always the answer to marriage problem
You know what make me mad and angry?? You wanna know what me so f-cking piss to the point I need to anally rape poke someone's grandma in the eye just to make me feel better? 

Blurry photos, from shaky hand.

What is the point taking photos if it gonna turn up blurry? WHAT THE FUCK??
I mean, what the fuck happen to you until your hand is shaky?
Are you drunk?  like my dad before he got Hep B
but that doesn't mean you should take photograph while you drunk.

This is a public service announcemnt from Apple Waffle Industry:


main slut/whore of the story is......

I bet my parkinson dog could catch photo better than  __________ (insert your mom full name here).

Thank for reading Apple Waffle and I love your mom. (and dad,but not your uncle)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Bitch Be Loud

What's up b*tches? oops,sorry.. What I mean to say is what's up faggots?! (Don't play dumb, we all know you are gay-er than Justin Bieber)

            Ok,moving on. I a.k.a two-time-World Champion-in-Time-Wasting is eating breakfast in some random cafeteria. As I was enjoying the spicy tasty delicious three-Ringgit Roti Sardin, I then heard an alarmingly loud female voice (louder than my roommate orgasm) . Munching my mamak-ish cuisine, I turn my back to search for the source of the the voice. Turn out to be a b*tch three table away from me, talking way to loud for my comfort on the phone. 
weed sardine-flavored roti canai

          The cafeteria  is a really huge hall, yet her voice resonate through out the hall. From the looks of other people faces in the cafetaria,they too, were profoundly discomfort by that bitch a.k.a your mother's voice. Some were doing glaring your mother with the word "annoyed" written all over their face while a few just don' give a fcuk and continue with their breakfast and early morning newspaper. 

Picture of your mother (before she got AIDS)

        Why the hell she/your mother has penis to talk so loud on the phone? Is it because she want the world to know what the f-ck she talking about???!!??? God-damn-it, I don't want to know what happen in your life, b*tch. Shut the fcuk up. I was half-expecting somebody to punch her in the  And what did she do for her job that she develop such powerful vocal chord? Is she a singer or something? By the way, I bet the guy she deep-throat 10 years ago still ejaculate to this day. (food for thought, has anyone ever die from over-ejaculation?? )

           Thanks for reading Apple Waffle, I'm Keough and I molest orphan on a daily basis.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Me Are Dumb

What's up bitches?  Ooops.... *clear throat*  I mean,Hello waffle-eaters. Long time no see. I hope you still remember me, Keough, the most handsome fail-rapper-wannabe in Malaysia. First of all, if you are wondering where I've been for the last one year,  I was busy smoking weed.thanks for your concern, I love you all.   But if you are jew or always do assignment at the last minute,please seriously fcuk off,get off my blog.
photo of me without my glasses

I'm here to address something important that been kept inside my chest (and scrotum) for ages now. I am sick and tired looking pathetic and hopelessly dumb and clueless in front of my lecturer. Every time I go to tutorials, the teacher will have these disappointed look on their face. I doubt my classmate fcukers and I ever met the lecturer expectations. I find it less-than-awesome when you know in your heart (and scrotum) that the lecturer have to teach only simple stuff for 2 hours because the class is so fcuking dumb.

photo of one of my classmate. we are so fcuking dumb.

My really big scrotum and  I personally believe the function of the tutorial is to inspire the students to study more. Trust me, all my lecturer are great and powerful people. They all have 10 penises. Just kidding, they only have 9 dicks. But joke aside, my lecturer are hospital specialist and they don't just shake their balls to get to where they are now. I'm sure to be awesome like them, it involve a lot of hard work, unyielding dedication, courage, never say die attitude and sex. Mostly sex. (lol)

photo of the size of my balls

Ok, I thinks that's all for now. Time for me to fcuk off and time for you to make me roti canai, bitch!. Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waaffle, I'm Keough and I like to gang bang your mom.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


you have been warned

       Hello waffle-eater, I have a bad day today. As you can see, there is this b*tch/mother-of-all-whore but just let call her your-slutty-girlfriend. I was surfing the net (   It's awesome, go check it out ). Suddenly this flat-chested b*tch girlfriend of yours come and asked me to use the computer. Since the computer is not mine, it belong to the the University, I agreed to let your-girlfriend use it. Besides, she gonna use for work and I'm just surfing the net for leisure purposes, obviously I have some obligation to let your-slutty-girlfriend use the computer. With all honesty, I'm totally fine with that. She need the computer more than I do. Then,your-slutty-girlfriend asked me is it okay if she close the internet browser and I SPECIFICALLY say NO,don't close because I still want to use the computer later after she is done with whatever the f*ck she gonna do.

However, she straight away CLOSE THE F*CKING BROWSER even thought I specifically say NO, DON'T CLOSE THE BROWSER.

Why can't she f*cking minimize the browser?
How hard it is to minimize the browser? 
Did she know how long it take to load F*ck her!
It take 2 minutes of agony to load that web page. 
Do you know how much mom I could do within 2 minutes?


Free middle finger to you, B*tch

My Theory What Make Her Close My Web Page Instead of Minimize It
  1. She is dumb
  2. She practice anal sex
  3. she was adopted
  4. She has a dick
  5. she hate black people
  6. she give punctured condom to her Bapuk Boy-friend so she could have a baby
  7. She never pay-tax
  8. She vote for U*** (I'm just sayin')
  9. She is a malay
  10. Her father was an alcoholic bastard but now a drug junkie 
  11. She is a racist
  12. she molest orphan on daily basis
Thanx for reading today's very rotten Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and you ARE AWESOME!.


That day, all my classmate have to present. It's a group assignment. My group was supposed to be the second group presenter. I even god-damn motherf***ing motherf***er told the lecturer my group want to be the second group. So, I officially booked the second spot right? (You better agree or I tell your mom you do drug)

After that, the first group finish their so-called presentation (more like crap to me ).As I rose from my seat, I was astounded because a motherf**king backstabbing cocksucker group took over the second place. Bewildered as I am, I keep calm and ask my awesome group leader what the hell is happening? She said the other group wanna present their material first. In short, this back-stabbing cocksucker group
  cut the queue and jump in front of my group. (I don't know much, but  I assume a backstabbing queue-cutter love to suck cock)

Not wanting to create unneeded drama and avoiding further conflict, I decided to let it slide.
Troll           : Just admit it Keough, you're a pussy. You don't stick to your gun.
KEOUGH : Shut up troll. It's not that I don't have a ball to stick to my guns. It all happened too fast. Damn-it.

What's the point of me booking the second spot with the lecturer in the first place if the other group decide to cut the queue anyway? This total injustice make me sick. If you are dying to be the second group presenter   you should have inform the lecturer earlier than me.

That's not all folk. Then another group a.k.a Kongsi Gelap Klang want to jump in front of us again! Like I'm gonna let that happen again. I'm not gonna let another group steam-rolled my group! This time, I shove the middle finger try to reason with the Kongsi Gelap Klang members. At first, due to their uncivilized nature, they did not want to back off. After a five-minute gentle persuasion (my definition of gentle : no F word ), the Kongsi Gelap Klang agreed to back off.

Kanye West was reported to be the leader of Kongsi Gelap Klang
Thanx for reading today's nerdy Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and don't be a cocksucker, please queue up!