Concoction of Clandestine Crematorium

My biggest fear is no one ever truly love me or care about me. And it's probably happening right now, fast and unexpected. Maybe I did see it coming. Maybe I deserve it. I have a beloved special person and I know I am taking her for granted. I wish I am more reliable in my current condition. A healthy adult ,everything suppose to be possible,within my reach and the world is mine for the taking.Lately and chronically I have not feeling too well,or too happy. All my mistake and regret seem to come my way and I find myself trying hard to cope with every mental trauma that keep resurging from the shadow of the past. It's constant and it hurt. It hurt so much and I need to learn not to let this rage and disappointment control me. Looking back, happiness is a queer and foreign word. Everything I done seem to haunt me in my darkest hour. I tried. I didn't make it. I keep wanting more. Bitter with every unfulfilled craving. I wish I was somebody else. Happy doing cool stuff and living the dream of many. But don't believe everything I say because this is the depression talking, and not me.

No end has better beginning

The Reluctant Jew

There was a boy who is tall and always smile. He would talk to anyone he meet. He would comment and chat with everyone in his facebook. He would chatter non-stop with his classmate.  No one ever reply his text and call and no one ever chat or comment in his facebook. Soon the boy realize no one like him . Everyone was talking bad things about him behind his back and collectively agree to hate him. Some of them even bully and verbally torture the boy. He become depressed and suicidal . He is now writing a blog nobody read and he live alone sadly ever after. The end.

Mazel tov!

Adventure in IKEA

Getting there as as your mom. The traffic is really heavy because me and my missus went there during the weekend. Parking place was ample

The place got some Nepal security guard whom don't speak Malay language so if I were you, I pack one pocket-edition Malay-Nepal Oxoford dictionary.

Me and my missus is dying to taste the IKEA meatball but the line is like crazy long ( I counted,its like 100 people in the line) , ain't nobody got time for that,so we get the fuck out from the restaurant area and start shopping immediately. 

The IKEA store has a linear path, so once you enter, you have to visit ALL the section ,such as Bedroom section and kitchen section if you want to exit the building. So in the event of fire, you probably die. 

You will NOTICE that all the book in IKEA that were lying around is not worth to steal because they are all in Swedish . (In the event that you know Swedish, you know what to do and good luck )

A lot of beautiful ladies AND GUYS trying to flirt with Keough but his missus chase them away with her half-baked wing chun.

We bought a heavy-arse table, juicer, a couple of chair, and 4kg of weed.

The dinner in IPC mall was splendid, we had the most tender and delicious Nasi Ayam with their very very generous portion of sliced salty black sauce chicken. But just in case if I get Salmonella and die, please sue them for my behalf.

  

I bought 4 roses for my beloved and she toss them inside the IKEA yellow bag, so I'm kinda sad by that but it's okay,I still love her thought. Well, I'm sure 200 hours of dota2 could cheer me up.( I GO MID) 

.

Keough Fascinating Journey with ADHD

Man, do where I start? Having ADHD is not walk in the park. It's tough. ADHD stands for 

Adult Diapers Honrny Diabetic

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. 

How do I know this, well,I was born with it la...duhhh.

I have this crazy endless energy to play futsal or basketball for 4 hours straight.I feel like I have endless stamina. I remember playing badminton 5 hours straight while under the hot sun and FASTING.When I'm walking to the shopping mall or dating (yes,I have girlfriend and she is not imaginary),I have this crazy strong urge to run around and around and around.

As a child, Ryan Gosling was reportedly unable to read and was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), prescribed Ritalin, and placed in a class for special-needs students.

Even if I am just walking to shop nearby, I feel like running and jumping over any  parked motorcycle or dead hooker AND climb any fence or wall that block me. ( I may or may not be naked during the aforementioned process)

Hyper? Yeah,you could say that. I am rather smug with my endless stamina. (flex muscle and eyebrow and penis )

"My doctor diagnosed me with ADHD in my early teens. What was really helpful to me was learning that this was a real medical condition – I had ADHD."-Adam Levine ,Maroon5

Furthermore,if you have ADHD,you will never, I repeat, you will never allow other people to complete their question. I'll tell you what you do. You will blurt out your answer faster than the spasm of my grandma convulsing ,like it's a fucking  Science Quiz Championship.I mean, you know you are fucking awesome when you speed of answer is equivalent to the speed of light, I bet Einstein dream to do experiment on your juicy lips if he is still alive.

Will Smith never settled for one lane and this is a direct result of his ADHD. Will once described himself as the “fun one who had trouble paying attention.” He even admitted before that he has trouble reading movie scripts.

In addition, the most sure-fire, indubitable way to know you have ADHD is you never do school homework. Even if you did do it, you work is half-arse or not finished. I have ADHD so I never completed my work. Stop calling ADHD people lazy. We are not lazy. We just have poor concentration

WE ARE FUCKING BORN WITH IT,WHAT DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO???!!!!!!!!!!!!! %$%^#$@

*the producer calm down Keough with a slap and two punch

*after being slap,everyone left the studio except Damien the Cameraman, he always like to jerk on Keough face while he is unconscious from being punch

*Damien is not gay but he is bi-curios and a closet-communist

*you must be wondering why you even bother to read this retarded shit 

Thank for wathcing today's episode of Apple Waffle, my name is Keough and I may or may not be writing this blog in the toilet. *flush

P/s : My stool is star-shape today...and green in colour

The Burden of Autism

I have autism thus explaining the crazy and the unfocused content of this blog.

Having autism is awful. People call you weird and you are guaranteed to have no friend. Autism people just don't understand social function. They don't understand human interaction.

Since I did not know how interact to normal human,I tend to anger them and make them hate me unintentionally.Some of you may point out that maybe people hate me because I am such an arsehole but 

I am such an arsehole because I don't understand the proper way to interact with other human.

Forget Higgs boson and Theory of Relativity,for me, talking and retaining relationship is the most mysterious thing in the world.

Einstein could not stand for his children to touch him.

Did I mention that people call you weird? Yes I did, and they call you weird A LOT. (Especially behind your back and behind the back of your house)

Furthermore,having autism mean you are born never to behave socially acceptable in 75% of the times. We are born to suffer the jeers and snickers, the mockery and insults,not to mention snide and derogatory remarks.

We just think differently.

So those of you who does not have this burden of autism, you better be grateful to your lord,Allah,Jesus,Amon-Ra or whatever.

Newton was very quiet and not very good at ‘small talk’, or typical day to day conversations. Newton was not good at keeping or making friends as he did not appear friendly, nor did he know how to talk with individuals he did consider to be friends. Newton also relied strongly upon routines. For example, if he had been scheduled to give a lecture, that lecture was going to happen whether there was an audience or not.

We autistic people tend to behave borderline schizophrenic but actually we are not.That's why we are not taking any anti-psychotic,thank you.(Maybe I should? Muahahhahaha *throw bomb at the bookstore while naked*)

Sorry to interrupt you, your-holy-handsomeness Keough, there must be a reason God created you this way. Maybe it's a blessing.

Right, I should use this autism ,this power for good just like Dexter Morgan. However I do like to imply that the power of constantly-making-people-hate-you and the power of borderline-schizophrenic is useless and should never use on anyone.(Including prostitute)

Besides that,I constantly feel regret and  ashamed of everything I did ,even if the embarrassing event was 6 months ago.   

Well, enough nonsense for one day. Thank you for reading my beautifully crafted monograph, I am Keough and if you stop reading my blog, Demon of Herpes will kiss you on your ding dong.

Further reading : http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Adult_Autism_Symptoms

TO BALL OR NOT TO BALL

The problem with my futsal-mate is they are nervous with the ball. They are nervous passing the ball,they are nervous moving with the ball,and nervous having the ball.And they will never never never ever pass the ball forward,they are just not confidence enough to pass the ball forward. They pass to the side,pass to the back and repeat that 20 times. I mean,how the fuck you gonna score a goal if you keep passing at he back.
THE GOAL IS IN THE FRONT OF YOU ,FOR GODSAKE, ARE YOU INSANE,ARE YOU MENTALLY RETARDED??? WHY THE FUCK YOU WONT PASS )(*&^%&()*%#%&R@&$*^@9 gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH.


(I dont have the heart to tell my friend how pathetic and lame his futsal skill.)

If you are wondering where I've been, well, I was send to prison for molesting your mom.

Thanks for reading this lousy and boring Apple Waffle,see you next time and dont forget to kick your boyfriend/girlfriend in the butt because you and I know he/she deserve it.
(I don't even put photo in this post,what lazy bastard.....sheesh)

Bath in Blood

*As you read the following monograpgh, please play TV show Dexter theme song

I love to donate blood.  Who knows my blood will save?  My blood will save the life ...of rapist, bank robber and small African nation dictator.

My girlfriend misconception was people could get seborrheic dermatitis and hemorrhoid if  other people receive my blood!

Taking about blood, I remember my first time taking blood, it was smooth sailing. Then it was a steady decline where there is just blood splashing everywhere, even inside the nurse underpant. So anyone meeting me in the clinic should wrote their will beforehand. Just kidding, don't run away from me ,
why run when you have a car?

Even my uncle donate blood

Seeing blood flow nonstop from a gaping wound like tap water make me feel sick and terrible. I mean, not even a threesome with katniss everdeen and peeta could not make me feel better afterward

Hearing people speak so soft is loathsome. Speak up if you are a man and use your tongue more if you are a women (if you know what I mean....those word that have L are really hard for us asian).

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle . I'm Keough and you suck!

BETTER LATE THAN AIDS

No mad-cow was harm in the making of this blog*

You look at your watch and you realize you are 3 minute late to class. So you start running/driving really fast,  hoping the lecturer is still not arrive to the class. You open the door,lecturer is mid-sentence and you quietly sit on an empty chair. It feel so awkward as you swing the door and everyone look at you.

That's what happen to me today.

I feel guilty for interrupting the class and being a not-punctual. Please stoned me, I deserve it.

Then you will feel better when 3 other person is more late than you are. You will be like, hey I'm not that bad, look at these tardy people!

Then the same three person will feel better if someone else is more late than then

anyone wonder what is Dr Mahathir attendace percentage during his form 2?

How to not be late:

1. know your schedule
2. know exactly the place to go
3. if you expect traffic ,go early
4. If you expect to not find parking space,go early
5. Go early at least 20 minutes
6. constantly get update of ur schedule every 4 hours
7. Dont update your blog three minute before class
8. Don't shave your gorilla-thick-armpit 1 minute before class

And you got to wonder how the lecturer felt...downright insulted I presume. 

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle, I'm Keough and do your best!

Unwanted Classmate

I have new posting which mean I have new classmates. But somehow it all feel the same. I am still neglected like unwanted-pregnancy child and unnoticed like a stepchild of dysfunctional family and despise like a pariah.

All the last year character is replaceable.  For me,they are just another face in the crowd. In my eyes, they are faceless person without an identity.

It has been always been so and I don't expect anything to change. I'm not sad. I'm just happy God giving me extra time to be on my own so I could study harder.

my ideal classmate-Mayama

A new member of the posting caught my eye. You could see he is honest and sincere in learning. He dare to admit he still did not understand the topic when others sit quiet , content with their imbecility. People we're laughing at him. For me ,he is not a loser. He is the true winner, a real student who pursue knowledge regardless of public opinion and condemnation.

Learning partogram turn out to be huge and embarrassingly funny conundrum. We we're like kindergartner trying and failing badly to color inside the line.

p/s : I know my ideal classmate is an anime character...that will basically tell you how immature I am and how small my genital is.

p/p/s : I am the unwanted classmate, just in case you retard is confuse with the title.

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and I like the fact both your dad and brother have a boobjob.

Leader

Being the class leader is thankless job. Nobody will say," Ah..good job"," Great work Eddy " or "Thank you so much Eddy". Nobody appreciate what you did and nobody want to say thanks.

Nobody want the job and it's being pass around like std and pushed to the most weakest member of the group who probably won't say no or do not know how to say no or do not have the ball to say no.

And you think the lecturer will give you extra credit for being the leader. Hmm, Eddy is a leader,why not give him bonus marks? No, at the end of the day , you still get zero for your fucking exam like everybody else. So why bother being the leader?  To make matter worse, you get blame for everything. Why is Mr A or Miss Z didn't attend class?
  How on earth could you know which planet they derp into?
The lecturer blame you bcoz you're suppose to keep track of all your group members.

Every members of the group will continuously ask you about the time and places for the class. Suddenly you find yourself turn into a radio which keep playing the same cassette over and over again. I mean, EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU NEED TO ASK THE LEADER THE SAME QUESTION? COME INSIDE COME ON!!

Since you have constantly touching  in touch with the lecturers, they lecturer will recognize you. So whenever you make mistake ,it will be magnify ten folds. The lecturer eye is now automatically will lock on to your mistake , watching you patiently for the moment you do wrong like a vulture in the savanna.

Photo of my lecturer

Whatever job that's need to be done, it's your job bcoz you are the leader. The lecturers expect you to do everything. Even your classmates expect you to do everything while they're just sitting on their arse including yours truly.

Book the class ...Leader
Make sure lecturer come to class..... Leader
Make sure everybody know about class....Leader
Send attendance to office...Leader
Find teaching material...Leader
Scrub your wrinkly bollock....Leader
Stop Pakatan Rakyat demonstration....Leader

So far, I've only been telling you the disadvantages of being a Leader, (in my faculty at least). In order to be fair, I will also talk about the advantages of being the leader.

Suddenly you have this unstoppable power to arrange the class and your shitty classmate start to beg and plead  left ,right and center to postponed the class or make it earlier so they can go balik kampung bla bla bla with bla bla bla . Fuck it. If it's up to me, I don't even care  if your cat is pregnant! Suck my smelly coconut-sized-balls and attend the class.

Secondly, by being a leader, you learn to held responsibilities. You are responsible for the education of 8 other people you barely knew.

Thirdly, hmmmm...there's no thirdly. Thus, I provided you with fuck-load of evident why you should not be a leader. It is really a thankless job. No pat in the back, just turd after turd waiting. An endless and vicious cycle of bollock.

Thanks for watcing today's episode of Apple Waffle, I'm Keough and I rejected your mom.

Weird Fore-play

In my campus there is this futsal court where it is often frequent by the crowd on the evening.

Watching them play is like a foreplay.

I am not ashamed to tell you that as a futsal fanatic , my heart beat faster ,I feel breathless in excitement when I saw them play but I can't play with them becoz those lunatics was never happy to let me play.
Then I ponder upon myself , " What kind of  foreplay is this?" Is there anything more kinky than this foreplay?

It's like going to the stripper club. You can see the naked tits and other naked body part such as shoulder, and nose but you can't touch it or else the bouncer throw you out.

This scumbag keep spamming my facebook, don't you know I'm engage?? Jesus on a stake

Any of you noticed that my blog is being updated very fast? It is because suddenly I have this overflowing idea, like a prostitute overflowing cum in a threesome .

(Did you just spilled milk on your laptop after reading the last sentence? I sure did)

Proper Bashing

Once in a while you need a proper bashing on how weak or incompetent you are. Who need proper bashing you ask?

a) You
b) You
c)Your Mom
c) You

(I don't need a  proper bashing because I bash myself everyday...with a hammer)

What is a proper bashing? Proper bashing is when someone use a very loud tone to tell you how unacceptable your condition now and point out all your flaw. I mean of all em, even how small your genital

(Who put spaghetti on top of a pizza? I find it effing ridiculous.  Stop abusing food or Italian mafia will strip your grandma naked ....and destroy your toaster)

Nora Danish is secretly a mafia, she is Italian from her father's side

Furthermore, proper bashing give you the real hard truth that you fail to see or trying to escape of. (Don't escape your problem or it come back to haunt you with a chainsaw and a 5 inch strap-on. ) Besides that, proper bashing is a reality check, to slap you from your complacency and star acting right. Yes, proper bashing come with the pain and agony of feeling violated in the arse insulted to the core but deep inside you must, without a doubt, admit you fucking deserve it. 

(Keough stop wasting time writing blog when you barely have enough time to study! *Bash self repeatedly with hammer)

Most may be feeling crestfallen ,however it is most beneficial to really use it to improve yourself and make a plan to correct your flaw.Find a solution to stop making the same old mistake. The person who give you the proper bashing a.k.a your-alcoholic-dad clearly have your best interest at heart and want to see you be a successful man ...like Batman

Batman was once receive proper bashing from Keough and thats how he  become what he is now

Who want to be told you are a failure and yet you need it so you could propelled your-self higher. Never give up and never stop working. Success will come eventually. Slowly but surely, you will emerge victorious after toiling hard...like Batman

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and I had a feeling my female
classmates intentionally block my view from the slide projection with their arse during class  =__=
I mean all of them?? come on..this must be an Illuminati conspiracies to fail my exam

Old Drama

I was born in the year 1990, at time your mom still a prostitute Dr Mahathir is still prime minister.   As a kid, I spent ludacris amount of time watching television. I was never interested to play outside, to me, television is the best thing ever. thanks a lot television for making me an introvert.  I live to watch television. As I watch television a lot, a good amount of time was spend watching Malay drama and movie.

Now days , Malay actor/actress is hugging each other here and there. Not wanting to sound like grandpa, but BACK IN MY DAYS, THESE WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING .

I remember back then,there is no hug scene and the actor and actress wear decent cloth. I feel somewhat irritated, taken aback and my libido decrease 10% . I feel like jumping of the building. 

It's like they are promoting youngster and young adult to follow suit. 

Then I ask myself, I have been watching English drama where they are hugging, why that is right,and Malay doing it is wrong. (it is because there is no french kiss in Malay drama?) Well, even I don't understand myself. So I just can't answer that. ( But I can give Arnold Scwheizenager sweat dripping from his sweaty-bollock)

Photo of my uncle

So what do you think about today's Malay drama? leave a comment below and win and imaginary Viva.

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and you like Arnold Schweizenager sweaty balls.

Bollockness

I have been blogging for three years now. At first, I was really excited, keeping tab on the view statistic every 5 seconds, getting orgasm with the knowledge a lot of people view my blog. Over time, the content and quality drop, even the quantity drop. truthfully and honestly, I don't even know what to write anymore.

I use to fuel my blogging energy with rage. Anger, human negativity, disappointment,( but mostly rage)  is needed to spark my rusted brain. Without rage as the active ingredient, I bet my blog with be fill with nothing but breast photo of 18-23 years old celebrity.

I enjoy reading my own blog and I like to laugh at my own joke. (Narcissism  at the highest level) . I have a dream to publish my blog into a book, but then I ask myself would I pay money to buy a piece of turd?

Some of the jokes are recycle from various resources ( I'm a fucking environmentalist, recycle,think before you throw) namely, WheezyWaiter,Ray William Johnson, Rojak-blog. But hey, originality is hard to come by. Before you fuck-ass broke nigger criticize me for copying others joke, try to come out with original joke. It's tough.

On an unrelated note,now I'm hooked to Dexter, now on season 3. Go watch it.

I was expecting to generate income through my blog but nobody is visiting this blog. Why is nobody visiting this blog? Have I not (sexually) satisfy you through my superbly done monograph?

Keough, why do you write blog anyway? Good question , you Timbuktu drug-lord. To tell you the truth, at this moment, I don't even know why I bother with this blog-shit. Anyone who know why I write this blog leave a comment and stand a chance to win an imaginary Myvi.

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and this episode is sponsored by Warung Pak Majid, spreading salmonella since 1973.

Stupid Cat

Anyone who own cat should seriously read this,so they know how crazy, handsome and horny I am. 

Cat are the worst animal at crossing road. I was driving my motorcycle, crying because of my small tiny dick and shit,minding my own bussiness. Then out of no where BAMM come a  cat running and hit my right shoe at full speed. WHAT DA FUCKING FUCK CAT?? WHY U RUN AT ME???

Lucky the collision did not injure my shoe and the cat sadly survive. I'm not sorry if the cat die. I'm not. I'm NOT!

Why the fuck you want to cross a busy road??? Just why cat? Just why?

The above event traumatized my motorcycle ,now it's mentally depressed and need daily weed and gay (threesome) pornography to calm it nerve from jumping off a buliding. AND IM NOT FINISH

the cat waiting for someone to ran him over

If you drive,and you hit a cat, it's not your fucking fault. It's not. The cat is clearly well-informed about the risk in running in front of moving vehicle. (Fuck,they even sign the consent form).

In the event a cat sit/ran in front of your car/private jet/donkey cart,  just hit the motherfucker.

You don't swerve,stop or avoid the cat. You hit the cat dead centre and if it is not dead with the initial impact,you reverse your car and do it again. The bloodier your car bumper, the better. Furthermore, it's totally acceptable to have the blood all over your face and lower back. (LOLWUT??)

TAYLOR,GET YOUR SMELLY WET LICE INFESTED PUSSY OFF THE ROAD!

There should be a law to curtail this demonic-cat-on-the-road disaster. While our lawmaker are busy wanking, the cat keep killing people joy and happiness on a day-to-day basis with their antic.

In addition. they poop everywhere and piss everywhere. Great, just FUCKING GREAT.

And to add more insult to injury, they breed a lot. It's insanity at the highest level. Every 2 months they breed more youngling. It's madness, really. If anyone need a condom,it is cat.

 IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S CAT.

  USE SOME PROTECTION ALREADY BEFORE I SPLASH YOU WITH MY TURD , U FURY LITTLE BASTARD.

Here is my ideal cat

1. do not poop
2. do not urinate
3. find it own food
4. give u money every weeks
5. talk to ur girlfirend when you are busy playing computer game
6. know how to change motor oil
7. use contraception
8. have complete knowledge in stock exchange 

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and Taylor please stop licking my left bollock.YES,IM TALKING TO YOU TAYLOR, GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN WHERE YOU BELONG.

Me Are Dumb

What's up bitches?  Ooops.... *clear throat*  I mean,Hello waffle-eaters. Long time no see. I hope you still remember me, Keough, the most handsome fail-rapper-wannabe in Malaysia. First of all, if you are wondering where I've been for the last one year,  I was busy smoking weed.thanks for your concern, I love you all.   But if you are jew or always do assignment at the last minute,please seriously fcuk off,get off my blog.

photo of me without my glasses

I'm here to address something important that been kept inside my chest (and scrotum) for ages now. I am sick and tired looking pathetic and hopelessly dumb and clueless in front of my lecturer. Every time I go to tutorials, the teacher will have these disappointed look on their face. I doubt my classmate fcukers and I ever met the lecturer expectations. I find it less-than-awesome when you know in your heart (and scrotum) that the lecturer have to teach only simple stuff for 2 hours because the class is so fcuking dumb.

photo of one of my classmate. we are so fcuking dumb.

My really big scrotum and  I personally believe the function of the tutorial is to inspire the students to study more. Trust me, all my lecturer are great and powerful people. They all have 10 penises. Just kidding, they only have 9 dicks. But joke aside, my lecturer are hospital specialist and they don't just shake their balls to get to where they are now. I'm sure to be awesome like them, it involve a lot of hard work, unyielding dedication, courage, never say die attitude and sex. Mostly sex. (lol)

photo of the size of my balls

Ok, I thinks that's all for now. Time for me to fcuk off and time for you to make me roti canai, bitch!. Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waaffle, I'm Keough and I like to gang bang your mom.

How to Deal With Fag Ass

When I say fag ass,I don't mean the rear end of a homosexual man,I'm talking about motherfucker(s) noob who constantly make you piss. I hope I make this clear. I bet real homosexual guy behave better than this fag ass.

These idiotic fag ass is pain in the ass to deal with,so this is my humble suggestion on how to deal with fag ass and lead a happy-fag-ass-free-life.

1. Call Nigerian Police Officer
Obviously someone who feel sick pleasure from other people misery must come from Nigeria. So, it is crucial we sent this fag-ass back to where they belong, to Nigeria. (Sometimes these Nigerian will go through plastic surgery to make them not black anymore.So keep a keen eye to any white-skin-fag-ass)

2. Call the Mexican Orphanage
It is scientifically proven fact that 97%  fag-ass is adopted bastard.(other 3% is reincarnation of Osama Bin Laden) Their real parents is dead a long time ago.,so most of fag-ass is sent by a kereta kancil from Nigeria to  a Mexican orphanage (funded by Mexican drug cartel). It is more than appropriate the orphanage take back this fag-ass.

Osama Bin Laden with his proud collection of Twilight books

3. Hire a homeless man to beat the shit out of them.
Everyone know a homeless man (especially from Bangladesh) know Wing Chun and other Shaolin Kung Fu. Hire the homeless man from Bangladesh to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING FAG ASS. The job is considered done after the intended target is dead or lost his ability to gain erection. Most of this homeless assassins are willing to accept any kind of payment raging from 30 cents to 50 cents.If you pay them double the price,they even kill the fag-ass family. (that's what I call a bargain~!!  )

fag-ass is allergic to Wing Chun (and karipap)

4.Call Chief of Police Najib's mom
We all know Najib's mom is the most powerful person in Malaysia. I'm sure getting rid of these demonic fag-ass is in the best interest of the country,and even Najib's mom's will help you. (and I'm not talking Najib the sate seller). Better yet,make a new law in Parliament; fag ass will be hang to death and their Facebook/Twitter account permanently deleted.

5. Call Ambiga.
Ambiga is the mother of all fag ass. So it is proper for the mother to discipline their son.

If all else fails,move to Canada, Tikam Batu or Somalia Tokyo.

near to the beach! great!

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I am chronic mash potato eater.

Happy Lou-se Day

This story have been approved by audience who have twitter or have I-phone.

Please switch off all handphone while reading this article.
The character in this story is  fictional, any resemblance to real people is purely intentional ,so f-cking deal with it.

                        and I don't give a f-ck if you get permanent disabilities (kecacatan kekal) from reading this article/ ajaran sesat.

[Ah Beng, Ah Chong and Ah Keough is in a coffee shop] 

Ah Beng : Lu olang ar, today is 16 May, you know we celebrate what today?

Keough: We celebrate the day I do it with your mom?

Ah Beng : l*ncau lu, shut up.

Ah Chong : Easy one lar, today we celebrate Teachers Day. The day we say tenkiu to all our lou-tze talkin about teacher, I got a stoly about this teacher,let's call her Madam Z, she teach me during year 3 until year 6 in plimaly school. She was vely vely helpful one. She even recommended me to a good secondary school. My family is indebted to her.

Picture of Madam Z at the age of 19

Keough/ the-white-lion : woah nice stoly one...for a bapuk...keh keh keh...

*Ah Chong flip middle finger to keough *

Mr Busuk Hati's favorite shirt

Keough : my turn you see this tall teacher...let's call him Mr Busuk Hati. He teach me Kemahiran hidup during form2. At that time I just bought a new pokemon cards, and obviously that pokemon cards cost me a lot of money. Then Mr Busuk Hati rampas that card from me. Cib*i. After that, I try ask him give back my cards but that fucker said " saya tak nak pulangkan". cib*i punya lou tze. I hope he choke from eating roti canai.

passport picture of Mr Mustached Pedophile

Ah Beng : haiya, why you bring the card to school in the first place, of course lou tze fast-fast rampas the card. ur fault lar. my story ar,this teacher, let's call him Mr Mustached Pedophile. You see, he f-cking humiliate me in front of the whole class. Ok maybe I was wrong for talking in class, but he doesn't need to humiliate me, that accident scared  my youth forever. Even though it is long long ago stoly, I still hate him. One day if I'm lucky, I'm gonna f-cking rape Mr Mustached Pedophile daughter...let her daughter be traumatized like I was.

Ah Keough : Gila ar you? wanna go to jail izzit? no need to go extend..molest sikit-sikit tak pe lar

Ah Chong : you both gila one..haiya.. Why did I even friends with you guys

Ah Beng and Ah Keough together : because we sleep with your mom

Ah Chong :  .......................................................did you use plotection? i dont want a new brother

END

KEDAH JUKEBOX

Okay, no more crap. It's about time I talk something useful and informative instead of the usual trash-talk. Now I'm gonna teach you some words in Kedah people daily conversation.

You      : we don't wanna to know about Kedah, give me the usual Apple Waffle
Keough : Shut up. Too bad, this is my blog, I can chose whatever the hell I want to write.
You     : %$#@!

I've been living in Kedah for 13 years and I must say, I'm losing my Kedah accent which I will not blame urbanization or Barrack Obama's ex-girlfriend's pedophile grandma.  Years of talking formal in Bahasa Malaysia have taken in toll.

Hang- you
example : Hang nak makan apa?  | What you want to eat?

Depa-they
Depa nak  makan apa?  | What they want to eat?

Hangpa semua- you all
Hangpa semua bila nak makan?  When you all wanna eat?

seriau- afraid
Seriau aku ikut jalan itu, ada hantu | I'm afraid to use that path, there is ghost there.
 
habaq-tell
Aku nak habaq benda penting ni.  | I want to tell you something important.

sat-1. for a moment      2.wait
1.  Tunggu sat | Wait for a moment. (usually use with the word "tunggu" at the front,but it would also be understandable if you use the word "sat" alone)
2. sat sat sat!  | wait wait wait!

satgi- later
Satgi hang jumpa aku belakang rumah.  | Later I will meet you behind the house.

pi-   go
Jom pi pekan  | Let's go to town.

lagu tu- like that
Jangan buat lagu tu.  | Don't do like that.

awat- why
Awat muka sedih?  | Why the sad face?

kupang- this is a bit tricky to explain.
10 cent is sekupang
20 cent is dua kupang
30 cent is tiga kupang
but there is no such thing as 10 kupang. RM1.00 is "Seringgit" in Kedah. Got it?

Now let's jump off the building together practice together. Read the text below, see whether you could understand.

Brad Pitt : Hang jangan habaq kat depa,satgi aku nak pergi clubbing.
Lady Gaga : Awat hang nak pergi seorang? Ajak la aku. Tapi nak pinjam duit boleh? dalam wallet aku tinggal 4  kupang saja.
Brad Pitt  : Seriau aku nak bagi pinjam duit kat hang, hang bukan reti bayar. tiada duit tak boleh ikut.

(as Brad Pitt is leaving he was stopped by Osama Bin Laden )
Osama Bin laden : sat sat sat! hangpa tunggu sat sini , Pak Cik aku satgi nak datang,dia bawak makanan untuk kita.

Rumors has it that Osama was from Changlun, Kedah

Thanx for reading today's Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and Kedah people are AWESOME.

WEAK GUNNER

"F. U."  was heard as it was shouted from the corridor of my apartment. I guess what that guy actually wanna say is "Fu*k you."  Stick to your gun, man, say it out loud. If you don't have the ball to curse, don't curse at all. Make up your mind dude, whether you wanna be vulgar or not. F.U.???? That is the most pathetic thing I ever heard, nothing is more pathetic than that feeble attempt to curse in the history of pathetic-ness . I'm not saying you should be a trash-talker and curse all you want. But man,the moment he uttered that word is the moment he lost all trace of his manhood. I see more ball from a 19 years old girl than that dude I'm just sayin. 

 even this faggot have more ball than that  dude

Ball-less-man-who-does-not-stick-to-your-gun, I don't hate you, in fact I pity you, I just want you to grow a dick  and  curse when appropriate. Ok, enough about your boyfriend. tee hee hee

Thanx for reading today's ball-siest Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and please stick to your gun.

P/S : You guys likes  last Monday Apple Waffle? Yeah, I thought it was pretty clever. She really sum up the real me with that comic she did.