Thursday, October 16, 2014

Sapien Tribune

To be a man is to hold unbearable pain

To be a man is to endure long and unbroken hardship

To be a man is to face wave after wave of disappointment

To be a man is to fail everything in life but still dream of success

To be man is to know there is no happiness and still get the job done

A man never wished to be  man,but he was crafted,molded by untold misery and circumstances.

A man long to relinquished his burden and just be the boy whose simple delight is 20 cent bubble blower.

Meta-analysis of Game

Video game is the bane of humanity. Hundreds and thousands hours wasted for a pointless end. You get absolutely nothing after you finish that game. I bet if the countless hours spend playing video game is used for more beneficial pursuit, like....... I don't know... cure for cancer, solving world hunger, new clean energy, making Keough rich, whatever.

Instead, all the collective force of human mind is poured into the abyss we call video game.( In fact we even pour our money into it sometimes)

The addiction is real, don't ask me how to quit, I'm just your averagely handsome-Malaysian-blogger. What do I know. I don't even own a car.

We crave the sense of quasi-achievement , that's why we come back to that game again and again. WE WANT TO FEEL WE ACHIEVE SOMETHING, thus we are the gullible victim of addiction of success,lure by promise of victories provided through the game. We feel the need to have purpose in life. We feel the need to have our life mean something and game provided this generously.

However, does anything in our life have meaning?

Is anything worthwhile doing?

As you step on the door of death, you turn back and see everything is meaningless.

Don't listen to me. I am just a shadow mist.

Death by Damascus

Thanks a fuck for cutting in front me in the cashier line, I honestly grateful for being treated rudely and I can't wait to be treated like that again. Yes,I am talking to you 40 years old something cunt on period (I know this for a fact because she bought pad) and stupid 20 years old something man/faggot.
I notice you both cut me in line moron, next time I see you both, I am gonna literally fucking kill you with a sharp knife make you bleed all over the cash register machine,and after that i'm gonna rape your hot daughter and make her cum till she died from excessive-orgasm. 

That's not all, I'm gonna buried that body in different place of the world, head-Ukraine,limb-Syria, genital-Pakistan.

If you are these kind of sick bastard, do me a favor , go to the nearest terrorist headquarter and ask to be beheaded. Don't ask to be film because cunt like you don't deserve any special attention.

Photo of how of people who cut in-line die

 Do you know what they do to people like you in hell? They burn you beside Hitler and make you suck Justin Bieber cock while you are being anally rape by The Hulk.

For anyone who is offended by this unforgivable crime, I would totally understand if you punch the criminal in the mouth. In fact ,it should be legally mandatory to punch them in the mouth. Furthermore,it should be compulsory to teach kid in the kindergarten how to punch people in the mouth.


Thanks for watching today's episode of AppleWaffle, my name is Keough and I'M PISS OFF

Introvert guide to Party

Party,if you get invited to one ,good for you. Party is where you get to eat unlimited food with myriad choice.What could go wrong Sir Keough? Free food,free drink and you are good to go. WRONG WONG WRONG. Party is where you sit like dumbfuck for 30 minutes or more trying to strike a conversation with strangers. Some considered this as 3rd level of hell. So here is an introvert guide to party.

1. Eat slowly, so you have something to do for the next 30 minutes

2. Drink slowly ,same reason with above.

3. Don’t have eye contact with other woman

4. Don’t sit beside married lady

5. Don’t sit beside single lady

6. Don’t sit beside a photo of single lady

7. Don’t sit when they play the song ‘Single Lady” by Beyonce

8. Crawl Sit as far as possible from other people

9. Don’t try to make any joke,you probably gonna screw it up anyway.

10. Resist the urge to talk to anyone

11. Smile at people passing by

Since I know most of your brain is smaller than mine, this is all.

The Reluctant Jew

There was a boy who is tall and always smile. He would talk to anyone he meet. He would comment and chat with everyone in his facebook. He would chatter non-stop with his classmate.  No one ever reply his text and call and no one ever chat or comment in his facebook. Soon the boy realize no one like him . Everyone was talking bad things about him behind his back and collectively agree to hate him. Some of them even bully and verbally torture the boy. He become depressed and suicidal . He is now writing a blog nobody read and he live alone sadly ever after. The end.
Mazel tov!

Adventure in IKEA

Getting there as as your mom. The traffic is really heavy because me and my missus went there during the weekend. Parking place was ample

The place got some Nepal security guard whom don't speak Malay language so if I were you, I pack one pocket-edition Malay-Nepal Oxoford dictionary.

Me and my missus is dying to taste the IKEA meatball but the line is like crazy long ( I counted,its like 100 people in the line) , ain't nobody got time for that,so we get the fuck out from the restaurant area and start shopping immediately. 

The IKEA store has a linear path, so once you enter, you have to visit ALL the section ,such as Bedroom section and kitchen section if you want to exit the building. So in the event of fire, you probably die. 

You will NOTICE that all the book in IKEA that were lying around is not worth to steal because they are all in Swedish . (In the event that you know Swedish, you know what to do and good luck )

A lot of beautiful ladies AND GUYS trying to flirt with Keough but his missus chase them away with her half-baked wing chun.

We bought a heavy-arse table, juicer, a couple of chair, and 4kg of weed.

The dinner in IPC mall was splendid, we had the most tender and delicious Nasi Ayam with their very very generous portion of sliced salty black sauce chicken. But just in case if I get Salmonella and die, please sue them for my behalf.
I bought 4 roses for my beloved and she toss them inside the IKEA yellow bag, so I'm kinda sad by that but it's okay,I still love her thought. Well, I'm sure 200 hours of dota2 could cheer me up.( I GO MID) 


Guardian of the Hooker Bar

The funny thing about security guard in Malaysia (and I'm not talking about the nepal security guard,they are good) is they will find the most cripple,senile or woman person to do the job. What,you age is just 73? Welcome aboard! Here is your baton, your uniform and your newspaper and you are good to go. Whistle? Oh no, we don't have budget for that. Paper-spray? Buy it yourself.

Photo of Keough while he is in Afghanistan, trying to defend Iraq.Death to America!

Come on,man. How do you expect this senile/ cripple /obese woman to guard something when they are that disabled? I once saw a security guard that is so thin,a gentle breeze would fly him away.

Now that we have identified the problem, let proceed to the solution. Here is my suggestion/job-advertisement for security officer.

  • Strictly Male
  • Have six-pack and buff
  • Must at least know wing chun or have a black belt in karate
  • Age 22-40
  • Minimum on year experience in Afghanistan
  • Able to kill with just stare.
  • Good knowledge in adobe photoshop CS5 
  • Able to read,write and explain String Field Theory


Thanks for wathcing today's episode of Apple Waffle. My name is Earl Keough and I sometimes blush when I look at my own photo.

Friday, October 3, 2014

A Bagful of Tears and Mucus

School kids now days is so different from my time.

Back on my days, nobody have a facebook account

Back in my days, nobody have handphone

Back in my days, they don't post video about their love

Back in my days, cane and slap is routine procedure to discipline misbehaving children/teenagers

Back in my days, we don't have a judo club

Back in my days, nodody know what is futsal and there is no free futsal court nearby

Back in my days, presentation was based on paper, not powerpoint

Back in my days, people send love letter,not SMS

Back in my days, there is no wifi at school and we dont even know how to use the internet

Back in my days, we don't have anyone to assist the children to cross the road.

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle, my name is Keough and I am 80 years old.