CHATTER BOX

             I usually don't mix my sentence with English and Bahasa Malaysia. It because there is this some sort of "mode" pre installed inside my mind. My default function is to have Language Mode. But I don't have much choice. Sadly there is only "English Mode" and "Bahasa Malaysia mode" to select. I'm hoping to learn a bit of Japanese,because I'm a frigging Japanese wanna be, are you satisfied,troll? Damn it.When I'm in English mode, I wag my tongue in English all the way.If I'm in Bahasa Malaysia mode, I won't spit any sentence in English. I don't know how your brain work,  but my brain works that way. not that I use my brain anyway, I think with my left knee.

my leg is oh so sexy

        In term of accent, I love worship British accent, but I hardly understand what the fish they are saying in an British-Accent movies, like James Bond and Harry Potter and such. I still need the bloody subtitle.My second most favorite accent is Scottish-accent. Sottish accent Rocks! Scottish slang is a melody to my ear, they  make me meek and burst my heart like an endless blissful explosion.

In term of Bahasa Malaysia, I like Kedah-dialect the most. Maybe I'm bias becoz I was raised there.

You ever wondered how Einstein talk? he is from German so I bet he talk like a Scientific-version of Hitler except the part where he want to kill jews and invade Europe.

Ok, I never done this before,please be gentle, question to the Apple Waffle's readers a.k.a awesome-teeth person..I just assume anyone who read Apple Waffle have clean,white sparkly teeth. What is your favorite Bahasa Melayu accent? and Which English accent you love, British or US?   US= Unta Saya???lol

Thanx for reading today's Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I'm maybe brain-less but your girlfriend is boob-less. So I win, bwahahhaha.

Happy Life

HOW TO LEAD A HAPPY LIFE

1. DON'T F*CK WITH AMERICA.  i mean,they got CIA, FBI,B2-bomber and stuff

This bastard destroy 2 country

2. DON'T F*CK WITH TERRORIST. they will bomb your house
3. DON'T F*CK WITH GOVERNMENT unless you are terrorist or Pakatan Rakyat supporter or not from this planet
4. DON'T F*CK WITH OTHER PEOPLE GF/BF unless your name is Keough
5. DON'T INVOLVE YOUR FRIEND'S FAMILY WHEN HELPING YOUR FRIEND. you will be hated forever and ever and ever and ever or until your dead...either way
6. DON'T F*CK WITH GOAT. .....duh..........but buffalo is fine
7. DON'T F*CK WITH YOUR EDUCATION/FUTURE. don't become a loser
8. DON'T F*CK WITH YOUR LECTURER/ BOSS. Some of them can be son of a bitch, but they have the power to make your life difficult.

Passport Picture of my lecturer

9. DON'T F*CK WITH JEWS,  THEY WILL KILL YOU

10. DON'T F*CK WITH TAYLOR SWIFT, I WILL KILL YOU! I'm serious.

11. DON'T FORGET TO READ APPLE WAFFLE. I WILL steal your underwear KICK YOU

TRUE STORY

As requested by one of my readers, today's shit gonna be a real life story of me, the awesome Keough.

 8.00 a.m-Morning world! I hate cold water bath but sadly my apartment doesn't have shower heater. So what do I do? My room mates have two electric water heater. ok..heating the water...after both electric kettle  have already heated, I pour it into my damn pail. Then another round of water-heating action. Then pour again into my damn pail.

Hot water bath is fucking amazing.

8.45 a.m-already put on my cloth and all. Today's fashion wear is purple long sleeve shirt +  cool black vest + balck trousers + watch +black tie + ring = smart-looking blogger/doctor

8.50 a.m- oh snap,10 minute before class.walk hurriedly toward class which is just 100 meters away from my apartment.

8.55 a.m- I have 5 minute before class. What do I do? Head to cafeteria, eat white rice+ two sausage + sambal belacan+ hot milo= hearty breakfast (no chew,swallow! )

9.00- where is the class? i'm fucking lost.

9.05-luckily somehow manage to get there. Miracle?  arrived  5 minute late..snap

9.10-everyone gather around the lecturer. Crap,forget to wear my white coat (I just notice everyone is wearing their's, and I'm not wearing mine)

9.15 a.m-the lecturer teach the mechanism of labor (p/s: it doesn't involve any bangla. ok my joke is lame..f*cking lame) using a model of the pelvic bone and a doll baby.

9.45 a.m-ughh. my leg hurt after standing for a long time.Then  there is this bunch of people in front of me,so I could not fucking see what the lecturer is doing with the doll but probably nothing sexual or related to  pole-dancing. Oh well, I already get the most of what the lecturer trying to teach, so I sit my handsome-ass on the comfortable couch while everyone stands around the lecturer.So in theory, I can already deliver a baby!

10.20-practical at the Clinical Skill Lab finish. Now have to move to the classroom to see movie,errrr....i mean video. Lecturer show us a few video of dancing naked panda labor mechanism.

11.00 a.m-ride with my friends car to hospital. It's raining man.

11.36  a.m  introduce our self to the specialist in the ward. Mr Mohan. Rumors (from previous posting) had it that he eat children for breakfast is a really fierce and stern man demon. I got to admit, my knee is shaking a bit already. Gathering all the ball that I could muster, I meet Mr Mohan. I was half-expecting a shouting-frenzy angry beast..  He turn out to be a nice guy. What a relief. He spoke politely with us.Maybe because it's our first day in the ward?

11.50 a.m-clerk a 59 year's old lady

12.30 p.m-hang out with classmate in the ward, my classmate say she gonna go shopping. I said I want in, and she agreed. borrow Rm50 from a friend since i will go shopping. Attempt to seduce my friends to watch Battlefield Los Angeles  : failed

12.45 p.m-shopping cancel. Return the RM50 to my friend. eat at the hospital cafetaria. Menu: iced bandung+ white rice+sausage+fried chicken+random gravy

1.15 p.m- Arrived at apartment, Courtesy of hot leng loi which shall not be name here. Play dota, use Geomancer. Kill 24, die once. (This probably don't make sense to you if you never play the game)

Dota,my favorite game

2.00 p.m-facebooking+read other people blog

2.30 p.m-it's raining..damn..i hope it will stop soon bcoz i want to play futsal at 6.00..

3.00 p.m -sleep...good night world...(WTF?)

2.00 a.m oh...eh.....what is the time now?

Be Honest

           I just woke up. Then something dreadful happened. Relax, my house was not on fire. Relax, there was no pole-dancing-pervert trying rape me. No Taylor Swift on my bed. This shitty story gonna be long like your dad criminal records but bear with me.

            As I try to see the time through my handphone, I notice it's has been turned off. That's funny, I don't remember turning it off. When I turn on that shit, it say's on the screen that my PIN number have been block and it request my virginity PUK number. Ignorant and careless as I am, there is no chance in hell or Justin Bieber's songs,either way because they both sucks, I'm gonna remember my PUK number . Besides, I toss my Celcom card that comes with the sim card a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. 

I bought my phone from this Luke-i-am-your-father-guy/prick

         Of course , this kind of shit don't happen own it own, sadly someone other than jews and black people must get the blame. I ask my younger 8 years-old-brother / cutest-little-bastard-evar (I love my brother,so shut up troll,I'm not a shota/pedophile) did he toyed around with my handphone when I was asleep. Shaken-hardly-audible-voice,and lack of verbal answer after repeated questioning, my brother denied he  toy around with my phone. That little bastard didn't even look me in the eyes, make me suspect he is the culprit...... which was later confirm by my slave a.k.a  14 year's-old-brother. That little bastard lied to his own blood...WTF?!

Picture of  my little brother..

What do you do in these kind of situation? That dude is only 8-years-old. Should I be angry at him? Warghhhh, Hulk........... smash! Should I let this slide?

Since I love my brother, I forgive that little bastard, he is just a kid, he don't know what he is doing. I don't see any point to be angry. No need to go to Warghhhhhhhh, Hulk.......... smash! No need to spew F-word .............such as  Frodo or Fifa.

Thanx for reading today's Dragon Ball-less Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and you are from Nameck planet.

THE COUNTRY NEED YOU

             Ok. The country don't need you, the title is misleading and homosexual. This is not an army recruitment advertisement . We are not at war with any country what so ever. But I need you! Yes YOU! The person reading this blog/awesome-stuff,breathing oxygen and gluing your face on the laptop screen Facebooking 24 hours a day (get a life man).

Basically,I'm offering a job. Don't worry, it won't involve pole-dancing nor anything explosive. I need someone to write Apple Waffle for me.Sort off co-blogger thingy. Isn't that great?

          Why would I a.k.a the-most-awesome-person-in-the-universe even want a co-blogger for Apple Waffle anyway?  Hmmmm,good question waffle-eaters. Apple Waffle is good place to laugh at crude joke, and good things are meant to be shared right? So I like to share the fun of writing Apple Waffle with someone.

What is the job?
Just write something funny in my blog. No dateline will be imposed. You can submit your work anytime. Just do it for fun. No obligation what-so-ever.

Requirement for my slave co-blogger

1. Good in English
2. Funny (and not necessarily write crude joke and use vulgar words like Fuck..dick and stuff.if you can write something funny without them,why not :D   )
3. not my ex-girlfirend 
4. not jews

How to Apply
Applicant please send your most creative writing,your best masterpiece, your awesome work by e-mail to matsuame2@yahoo.com and leave a comment below saying you are interested for the job.

I will select one or maybe more prospective associate.

You will be given 2 month trial before you are officially promoted into Apple Waffle Inc. CEO/co-blogger. (The probation period will change according to circumstances)

When will this job offer end?
You can apply anytime!! This offer have no time limit.

Benefits
I would love to pay you for your work,but sadly I myself is not paid, ok... Sure there is no money doing this thing but believe me,doing this kind of shit thing have it own satisfaction. But if one day Apple Waffle become the best blog in Malaysia The World, you will surely get your share of the money $$$ ka-ching!

TRAIN TURMOIL

Ok..What to say, I'm gonna do today's Apple Waffle really quick, I wanna sleep.
As you can see, I got one week holiday,and then my mom forced me to return home to Ipoh.

Spammer/troll : momma's boy
Keough          : SHUT UP  troll! I respect my parent. Damn-it.

         Since my private jet broke down, I have to take the KTM . (KTM=Keratapi Tanah Melayu...NOT Kuda Tanjung Malim) I arrived early at Rawang KTM Station. .  So I told myself, maybe I should have a little adventure in Rawang. Exploring and stuff. Then I pay a visit to Mc Dollah so I cud use the free shitty wi-fi. I must admit, Rawang have a lot of Chinese, and a lots of amoi. I seriously think they sould rename Rawang to Amoi-land.

My face when I see amoi

          Then, I move my handsome ass into the train. Then to my horror,the air-cond broke down. Man, I was sweating like horse piss.  I don't pay a god-damn Twenty Ringgit  to suffer for 3 hours of journey. What a waste of my money. Darn it.

My most basic need is oxygen,porn, food ,Japan-porn, water and air-cond

          To make matter worse, there is this bangla-something-whatever playing their Hindustan song loudly. That fag-ass bangla really make fucking annoying and irritate me to the bone! I'm sure the rest of the people in that coach felt the same way . Playing music loudly in public is not appropriate and rather rude, especially in a confine space. I feel like fucking punch him in the face,slam his head on the window and choke him to death!

Picture of me choke-slamming my lecturer

           KTM Berhad should provide a bottle of poison at each sit and put stickers that say's " No Manner, Go Die". I don't want to fucking listen to that song, damn it. People are trying to catch some sleep. I have nothing against Hindustan-song, I used to sang them all the time when I was 8. I even sang  Digimon song in Hindustan.

Thanks for reading today's Polite Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and don't be a dick.

REALITY STRIKE

I just notice that a lot of my friend already have a job. I knew them since they are still in diapers college. I remember the time that they still working their butt off studying to complete their degree/diploma. They already enter the working world where I'm still stuck in my world of Fun. Yes, I'm enjoying every last bit of my youth. But the knowledge of my friend who use to be like me,a student in local college, now working like what a real adult suppose to be doing make me somewhat uneasy and restless.Then

REALITY STRIKE!

It get me to think. it get me to worry about my own future. They are getting salary, pay income tax, pay for car installments and other stuff I never done before. The thought of them getting a steady stack-ful of cash make really envious. I mean, they practically could buy anything that they yearn for. I am eager to enter the working world but I must admit, I dread the day I enter the working world. I wonder how my future life would be? Will I be a poor ass chap. What kind of life I will live? I'm rather anxious about my future because I'm not doing well in my studies, my grades is not to be proud off.  I hate the fact I wasted my times not-studying.

Whatever.........zzzzz

NO RIGHT TO RAGE

My classmate and I are supposed to go to this field trip to Kanye West House this undisclosed certain government facilities. The bus arrived, so we all move our butt into that bus. Then suddenly we notice one person is missing, but let's call the missing dude Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man. Then on of us, caring as we were, call that Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man. That dude specifically tell us to go without him, since he just woke up and he don't want to delay our bus. But somehow,the bus never took off. The classmate decide to wait for Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man because all the girl are his fan club's members. The bus was delayed quite long time. When finally Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man appeared in the bus,  bursting with rage, he half shouted angrily " didn't I told you all to just go, why didn't you all go??!!! asshole!" ok, I made up the last word..but I'm sure he half wanted to say it.

picture of Keough tough body

On this side : The fan-club's members wait for Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man because they care about him

On the other side : Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man clearly and specifically told the classmate which majority are his fan club member. to go without him because he don't want to be a burden and delay the bus any longer.

What do you do in this kind of situation? Who get the blame? Who is the guilty party?

But that morning Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man was filled with mindless rage because he become the burden. Did he have the right to be angry? The classmate did it out concern for him. 

I personally believe he need to calm down, he don't have any right to be angry,the classmate hasn't done anything wrong to him. 

I put the blame on the classmate exclude me of course. They should left him. Six-pack-Muscle-Macho-Man specifically told the classmate to get lost to go without him..

What's your opinion??

TSUNAMI IN JAPAN

Guys,guys,guys and leng loi. This just happen today! TSUNAMI IN JAPAN!!! The real one,not movie one,no bluff.

taken from Yahoo News

TOKYO – A ferocious tsunami spawned by one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded slammed Japan's eastern coast Friday

Authorities said at least 40 people were killed and 39 missing after the magnitude 8.9 offshore quake unleashed a 23-foot (7-meter) tsunami. (that's three time taller than Yao Ming) The quake was followed by more than 20 aftershocks for hours, most of them of more than magnitude 6.0. The death toll was likely to continue climbing given the scale of the disaster.

I'm sure glad Yao Ming is not in Japan because he is my f*cking hero

Its is very sad news and all the world leader are offering their deepest condolences to Japan.My only question is, where is Doraemon to stop the tsunami?? I mean they got Son Goku, Ultraman, Kamen Riders and Shin Chan.
Then I read one of my friend remark about that epic disaster and I would like to share with you what her say on that subject.

I laugh my ass off when I read her comment. Well, the girl have a valid point.  For those of you who do not know who is Miyabi, Miyabi is one of the character played by succesful-Japanese-Porn-Star, Maria Ozawa.

Yeah, I'm sure you sick bastard are like," oh man, what will happen to the porn industry"

Maria Ozawa a.k.a not-my-girlfriend

 Thanx for reading today's Sad Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I feel sorry for Japan.

KEOUGH WIN

Hmmm... where to start..my sister have a new boyfriend. So I tell myself to be less clingy to her. I made a point to reduce my communication with her such as commenting and spamming her Facebook wall. I fear if I remain attached to her as before, her new Boyfriend will be jealous and piss off, which of course consequently will create a crack on their beautiful relationship. So my sister having a boyfriend  means me losing my sister. In a way, I feel happy for her she found a new love/soul-mate and with all honesty, I'm glad she not gonna be lonely no more, she found a place to give her heart, a man she can call her's, her property. In a way, I'm glad someone who is not pedophile is taking care of my sis. I must admit, I am really "manja" to her. Well, I "manja" to all my sis. I have many sis,don't ask why.

Troll/spammer      : Grow up, baby

Keough                : Shut up Troll, get lost. There is no shame in being close with your sister. Damn-it.

Enough with the rant, I'm done with whatever I want to say. I knew this day would come.. OTL
Recently she said to me "ed.. thx 4 being my best brother ever !"   
Yes, I get the Best Brother Ever Award!  Win!!!   take that Obama!  

Obama's face after he lost to Keough.What a baby

My sister have a hedgehog,  she named the hedgehog Roundo. The hedgehog is cutest exotic pet evar...here is the picture of her hedgehog.

Oooops, wrong picture..sorry sorry....I try again

Oooops wrong again. Your fired Mr Muthu!
Mr Muthu : no you can't fired me. I quit! You sucks Keough.
Keough :...........................................................

Ok,here is the actual picture of her hedgehog.

hedgehog  walking-durian

You see, her hedgehog tend to hide it butt whenever it get out of the cage. So finding the small little pointy bastard is a real challenge . Luckily, the family-cat can smell and locate this cute little hedgehog. In a way, the cat is the hedgehog's babysitter . LMAO

Or better yet, the hedgehog is the runaway convict (prison break?) and the cat is the police. The cat was like "you are surrounded, came out with your hand on your head"
And the hedgehog will be like ," damn cat, %$#@!"

And just so you know, the cat is afraid of the hedgehog. ROFL

Thanx for reading today's emotional Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and don't paint your hedgehog blue.Green is fine.

Blog-Trade : Vee

Klok Klok, moshi moshi.
Guess who's in the house?
VEE here~~~for revenge sake.

Blog-trade?  I can't find the word in my dictionary, simple, I don't trade.

This is all Eddy's fault. He forced me....wait no. He BEGGED me to do
this blog-trade.
A meanie like me? He must have been out of his mind. Well yeah, whatever.

I'm here to share my story.....after too much reading of applewaffle
blog of his.

Please view this entry.

      

Just a week ago when i read it, .......

This story happened not long after the reading,

15 things you should DO in a boring lecturer?
( Due to my insanity, the word 'NOT' failed to be scanned by my eyes-
indirectly my brain )
1. My pure mind says that, you should eat, sleep and xercise.
2. I tried to perform drunken-shaolin kung fu- but my lecturer snatch
away my whole stack of beer.
3. Dreaming about 'tailoring' the eyes of my lecturer.
*By tailoring means you're gonna ended up 'sewing'*
4. Me-hi-co. My cacat cell-phone can't made video call. I ended up
being smacked in the head for trying to steal my friend's so called
I-Phone.
5. My lecturer is good at that, I've seen him doing it LIVE. It's on U-TUBE!
6. All Malaysians are racist lah.
7. I tried farting but I lost to a fat guy in front of me.
8. I brought a real-dart and eventually i threw it.
9. I don't need that's necessary when applewaffle has more than
enough. *chuckles*
10.I almost broke my fingers as the table was not made from wood
And there after 11-15 process, ...huh huh...I'm in the middle of
escaping....can't post this entry earlier. Wish me LUCK~..


- Thanks to applewaffle, i'm now absolutely famous for performing the
blogger's 'ajaran sesat'. -
P/S : This entry is dedicated to Eddy, for being a blunt and amazing
blogger. Read more from his blog if you're not bother with the amount
of brain-damaged can be done.
I mean, just looked at me . haha.

Regards,
VEE.

You're awesome!

Precious

Blog trade with my sister, Fiera Kittenz. Check out her blog  CLICKKKKKKKK

Walking on the dark street
Starving, confusing, exhausting
Shining lens appeared
Blind my eyes
Drag me to chase it

I realized its to far away
Can't hold my breath
to reach em'
Found an attractive box
Foods are inside
I wonder it taste good or poisonous

Don't Sleep in Class

15 Things You  SHOULD NOT Do in a Boring Lecture

1. Think of sex
2. practice Shaoilin Kung Fu on the lecturer
3. Daydream about Taylor Swift
4. SMS Video call your friend from Mexico
5. Imagine your lecturer is pole-dancing
6. Count things you wanna blame black people (no love for nigger? )
7.  Fart
8. Throw pen at lecturer (10 points for headshot)
9. Write-perverted blog
10. Karate chop the table infront of you into two
11. Cry loudly for no reason every time the lecturer change the slide show.
12. Sell cocaine
13. Point to the lecturer with the middle finger, shout "F*ck You!"  and then dramatically leave the class. (kick the door during exit) and don't bother to come for class anymore bcoz obviously the dean will kick you out from the faculty
14. Hope the lecturer for the next class is absent dead
15. Hide the attendance sheet.  piss off the whole class and become the class's asshole :D

don't be a racist.black people is people too >:T

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I vomit in your food.