HOW TO WIN ELECTION

Phew, the last post was pretty dark and un-fun. Rest assure waffle-eater,after a few round of genuine Afghanistan weed and 10 kg of cocaine,I feel much better. Well,since my white matter and gyri of my brain still functioning,lets write another bullshit that nobody will read about. (By the way fellow blogger, don't criticize government or we might end up in jail *wink wink*,who knows what they refer as offensive,but im pretty sure its include the word ................pineapple).

Fuck fuck shit motherfucking fuck ass tit fuck.

Now that we already done the compulsory swear in Apple Waffle blog,lets move on to the topic..............After this commercial~ 

Feeling tired? Constant Stresss and possibly terminated by your company? Headache? Don't worry, Use Keough-dol.It is 100 times more effective than panadol. Relieve all your pain instantly!

Consult your local doctor before use. Side effect may include vomiting,death , man-boob and erectile dysfuntion.Battery not included.

Photo of Jennifer Lawrence to make sure you keep reading.

Any proud and respected government want to retain power in the next election. Okay governments around the world,this is your lucky day because I will teach you how to definitely win an election. Just follow this fool-proof step and be amaze of the result!

HOW TO WIN THE NEXT ELECTION

Step 1 : This step is very important ,make sure there is 2.6 billion in your personal account

Step 2 : Remove the subsidies for rice,cooking oil and cooking gas

Step 3 : Increase price for highway toll,taxi,public transport,water bill and electric bill

Step 4 : Fire your deputy prime minister

Step 5 : Open an investment company that lose money around 40 billion 

Step 6 : Fire/transfer the chairman of the committee that investigate possible corruption 

Step 7 : Add 40 new voting area in one of your state.

Step 8 : Promise to reveal who gave you 2.6 billion donation

Step 9 : break your promise and don't reveal the guy who gave you the 2.6 billion donation

Step 10: jail anyone who try criticize you,especially through blog

........and done.

This is all funny because the poor citizen will suffer a lot.HAHAHAHHA right?

Thanks for watching Apple Waffle, my name is Keough and I support my government,especially the Prime Minister.

Behind The Scene

Dear valued reader a.k.a waffle-eater,Apple Waffle Industries is motivated to bring you the most excellent retarded piece of shit every week and we hope you will continue to grow with us. We are grateful for our partnership and would be happy to pleasure you sexually for years to come. Thank you for reading Apple Waffle and we like to personally give you imaginary 1000 dollar. Apple Waffle Industries would also like to thanks our beloved employee for their contribution in producing the most wonderfully lousy blog in the history. Without further ado, here is a list of Apple Waffle Industries employee.

Keough
C.E.O
He is a humble bussinessman with a small cock.

Laura Slenderman
Producer
She was born in Kulim and like to eat laksa asam.

Patrick Spenderman
Audio Master
He is a Manchesterpool fan (Manchester United + Liverpool) and love karaoke.

Kha Khee Busyuk
Cameraman
He collect stamp and have the longest chest hair in his hometown, Phuket.

Damien Koldobolvokotsky
Cameraman
He is a tall man with dark hair. He once almost shake hand with a girl.

Pravda Pravada Prapit
Marketing
She loves to cook curry and dance to Bollywood. Her star-sign is Cancer.

Tim Norton
Graphic Designer
He come to work late and never attend meeting.

Arnold Scwazerneiger
Toilet Cleaner
He used to be a famous star in action-film

Bruce Willis
Clerk
He claimed he was in die hard 1 ,2,3,4 and 5 but nobody in the office believe him.

Berus Bilis
Head Clerk
A big fan of fishing and good friend of Bruce Willis

Chong Chong Chin
Screenwriter
He still haven't watch Hunger Game and he like to involve in car accident.

Barack Obama
Intern
He enjoy kidney stone and heart disease. Sometimes he yell freedom for no reason.

Maria Ozaza
Finance
She never watch porn. Poor girl....

Juliana Evan
Despatch
We never knew how she got her BMW but we knew who scratch her car.

Lord Voldermort
Human Resource
"Why nobody come to my office?"

Najib
Quality Assurance
Her wife got rich from bribery and they have 80 rich in-laws.

Congratulatory Mandate

Your mama so fat,when she walk past my window,I lost 5 days of sunlight

(I must say I put out the worse ever title for a blog, if you see me, don't hesitate, I repeat,don't hesiate to punch me on my mangina because I fcuking deserve it)

(Why bother write a blog if I'm gonna write just ONE SENTENCE? Geez. This is laziness on steroid)

HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND

1. Don't talk about other girl in front of her, your grandma,your sister, your cousin nephew friend,ex-girlfriend,whatever, GIRL HATE THAT..this include actress and your favorite local hooker and pornstar

2. Carry her bag when you go shoping,open door for her,be a gentleman rules

3. Foot the bill...nuff said..so seriously think 145 times before you want a gf. If you still wearing the same boxer for the past 10 years..forget it,you can't afford a girlfriend

4.tell her she is beautiful everyday...even thought she look crappy to the point she might win Miss Universe in Planet Hairy-Armpit

look at all the money I don't have

5. Don't curse... example : Avada Kedavra..it is a unforgivable curse that will land you into Azkaban

6. be clean, shave that dirt on your face homie

7. don't smoke unless she is cool with it

8. Dress to impress. Side note,if I ever see u wear pink, my ex-CIA bodyguard will personally castrate you and wank in front of you.

9. If you are still reading, you are really desperate to get a girl... fucking loser pftt

10. If all else fail,become a monk or start stalking your friend's mom.

photo of my bodyguard

HOW TO SLEEP

by Eddy-self-proclaim expert in sleeping with 22 years of experience in the art of sleeping..phD in Sleepinology and minor in calculus and wet dream. Famous author of  hot-seller "  How to Become Sleepilogist in 2 Minutes"

I know a lot of you motherfuckers out there is having trouble sleeping.

nice deep sleep is a privilege and luxury 

step 1.. stop watching ur porn and close the laptop
step 2...go shower (and wank )
step 3 .sleep
step 4...be angry at self for still not able to sleep
step 5...start to think about all your shameful past
step 6...stop reading this blog
----end---



Thanks for reading apple waffle ,I'm Keough and your roommate is a wanker.

SPM PAPER 2020?

I imagine in the future, internet jargon will be widely use to the point it's a compulsory subject in SPM.Here is a few sample question that I think might appear in the future.

1. What is LOL?
a) List of Lembu
b) Larian of Langkawi
c) Lets Omnomnom Laksa
d) Laugh out Loud

2. What is LMAO
a) Love My Anal Orifice
b) Let's Make an Oath
c) Lame Man are Orangutan
d)Laugh My Ass Off

LMFAO
a) Love My Fish and Orangutan
b) Let's Make Father Attack Orangutan
c) Laugh My Fat Ass Off
d) Larry Mistakenly Fuck an Orangutan


3.AFK
a)away from keyboard
b)awhhh f*cking kewl
c)Alligaotr From Kelantan
d)Association Fag Kfc (sorry,I ran out of idea )


GTFO
a)get the fish oil
b)get the forest orangutan
c)get the f*ck off
d)gay try fucking orangutan

ROFL
a) rolling on floor laughing
b)rambo of flexible leg
c) rich Obama fail license (test)
d)rolling on floor loathing

 BRB
a) BuRB (sound )
b) B*tch Return Book
c)Be Right Back
d)B*tch Roll Ball



Chill Out. I'm Keough and KISHAMMTJDHITLOAAWETTWHHBLTHUTMMPMPIANFTAIRLIDIWBP*

*Keough is so handsome and more macho than Johny Depp.He is the leader of autobot and will end the terminator war. He has blue lightsaber that he use to make mash potato. Mash potato is awesome .Nuff said. This acronym is ridiculously long I doubt it ever be popular.


you hate this post ? me too......weed-deprived Keough is sorry

Ak-47

-All these tips are original and belongs to VEE-then let's apply those tips to me, the most handsome blogger in Pluto and Kubang Kerian and some say Tikam Batu.


Vee's tips on how to save $$$
1. Try to avoid asking money from your parents.
2. Avoid lending money to others.
3.Spend wisely
4. Don't get a girlfriend/boyfriend
5.Get a part-time job
6. Finally, to save more money- start blogging

money I earn working as part time drug dealer..my full time job is stalking your mom

1. Try to avoid asking money from your parents.
Yes, I avoid asking money from parent. Why ask money from parent when you could ask money from grandparent,they are much richer.

2. Avoid lending money to others.
I don't lend money to others. You will get nothing me from me. Not even 50 cents, not even 40 cents. not even 30 cents, not even 20 cent.But you could borrow my boxer. By the way, I'm wanted by Ah Long in Manjung and PJ, so if they ask you where I cabut lali, say I already moved to Tokyo

3.Spend wisely
I spend my money on guns and firearms like AK-47 and stuff. For me, this is a good and a VELY WISE investment. Mark my word, haiya one day America will attack Malaysia. At that time I will be like Piu piu piu.piu..  dead americans everywhere.

die bitches, die!!!

4. Don't get a girlfriend/boyfriend
who need girlfriend when I can stalk your  mom?  did I say that out loud? snap....

5.Get a part-time job
I used to work part-time as pole dancer, but the girl always want to touch my butt and want me to strip myself. I'm too young and too awesome to be molested..

6. Finally, to save more money- start blogging
blogging is a cheap way to have fun with/or withour pant. But I'm not suggesting I blog without pant,I'm suggesting I blog wearing skirt.(faggot?)

Thx for reading todays's faggot-ish AppleWaffle.Chill out I'm Keough and you are spastic dude/bitch.

MALE TEST

today post is STRICTLY for male only,those who have boob and vagina please navigate away from this blog. Those who read this post revoke the right to judge me as pervert (and agree jew is scum of the earth)

please answer this test honestly from deep of your rotten and porn-filled heart

1. what do you do if you see a naked boob?
a) run away like ninja
b) run away backward
c) twist the nipple
d) slap it 200x

2. what do you do if a hot bitch faint ?
a) strip her bra
b)draw mustache on her face and then strip her bra
c) rape her
d) rape her dog

3. What is condom?
a) an item I probably wont need now
b) something I found in my parent bedroom
c) an item I use everyday
d) an item I neglect during anal sex  (feel like wanna puke? me too.......)

4. Have you ever fantasized about doing it?
a) errrrrrrrrrrrr.......
b) YESS!
c) well,why not...its free baby~
d) not now, busy fantasizing

5. do you have herpes?
a) is that some kind of a food?
b)...........maybe.....
c) could you help me find my herpes medication?
d) could I skip this question?

now for the result,if you guys/awesome-fucker answer most question

A  you are a noob...you are so noob that even my grandpa is cooler than you

B pervert-in-the-making

C serial-rapist

D if most of your answer is D, you are a crazy nut case.....it's a wonder nobody still haven't put you in a mental institution

thx for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and my roommate want to fuck your ass.(im kidding.....no...im serious)

STROKE ONE FOR THE HANDSOME ONE

Hey Hey Hey , Dr Keough is back. Now I'm gonna educate Malaysian about stroke. So if you are from Uganda or Tokyo or Mexico or Nigeria,or the rest of NATO countries, please navigate away from my blog..shooh shooh..( exception to Libya and Taliban member and if you are  pole dancer)


Stroke is the third largest cause of death in Malaysia.  *now puliss show me three finger*

Heart disease and cancer is on top of stroke.(this sound vaguely sexual but trust me there is nothing sexual about death statistic)


It is considered to be  most common cause of severe disability, and every year, an estimated 40,000 f*cking people in Malaysia suffer from f*cking stroke. Anyone can have a stroke, you, me , your aunty, my uncle, your cousin's neighbor's ex husband's sister-in-law's step dad's hooker. Children also can kena stroke, but  most of the cases affect adults.




WHAT THE F*CK IS STROKE?
A stroke is a brain damaged when the blood supply to the brain is disrupted. The brain is the nerve center (not celcom center) of the body, controlling every thing we do or think, as well as controlling automatic functions like breathing,having a boner and multiple orgasm.


In order to work, the brain needs a constant blood supply which carries vital oxygen and nutrients. Like your car, no oil cannot jalan mah.


Brain damage affects your senses, your speech and understanding of language. One side of your body may be paralyzed,( so cannot play futsal or stalk people's mom anymore).




TYPE OF STROKE

1. Ischaemic stroke,(ish-kemik se-trok) occurs when a blood vessel kena block, so blood cannot get to your brain. Like police road bload lar, kena tahan polis, cannot go clubbing ma. Except that in your brain there is no police to road block but got blood clot. How come got clot meh?? Cholestlol lar,that Mc Dollah you eat diam-diam without giving me a bite. serve you right! padan mukan (moral of the story, share Mc Dollah with your friend so they also kena stroke)
2. Haemorrhagic stroke, (he-mo-rajikk se-trok) is when a blood vessel in the brain bursts,(meletup/ explode) causing a hemorrhage(bleed).Like your house plumbing lar, sometimes the pipe burst right?  How the f*ck blood vessel burst meh? A vely vely long time high blood pressure is the villain.So if got blood pressure must fast-fast control ok?

picture of Keough stopped by the polis when he wanna go clubbing

RISK FACTOR FOR STROKE

Modifiable risk factor

.Good news! Meaning you can delete this risk factor from your life.

• Untreated high blood pressure (hypertension).
• A diet high in salt, fatty, sugary foods
• Diabetes (hence, the diet control in point above)
• trolling on Apple Waffle
• Atrial fibrillation (  irregular heartbeat) increases the risk of blood clots forming in the heart, which may then dislodge and travel to the brain.
• Smoking.
• Regular heavy drinking drink two small glass is ok lar.
•   fan of Justin Bieber or K-POP

Non-modifiable Risk Factor
BAD NEWS. You gonna have a new step-dad. Risk factors that cannot be controlled, meaning no matter what you do, you will always have this risk factor, god make you this way.

• Age over 55, and the older you are, the more chance you get stroke
•  Men are at a higher risk of stroke than women (but please don't think of changing your gender through surgery)
• ¨Having a close relative with Christ Brown stroke increases the risk, maybe father, brother,uncle etc etc
• have sex with Jew

WHAT THE F*CK STROKE WILL DO TO MY BEAUTIFUL BODY?

•  suddenly you cannot move arm/leg very well, arm/leg feel very weak
• suddenly one side of face become lower
• cannot talk properly
• cannot see properly
• headache
• vomit
• confuse
• have urge to donate money to Keough

and to make matter worse, most are permanent disabilities....... :'(    more permanent than your relationship! (we all know your homosexual relationship with your friend's dad wont last forever)

TREATMENT
1.smack head on the National Monument of Brazil  four times
1. Blood pressure drugs--- to reduce blood pressure lar, what else. Blood pressure drug such as Diuretics to rid the body of excess fluids+salt  and Beta-blockers to reduce the heart rate and the heart's output of blood
2. Anti-platelet drugs and aspirin---prevent blood clots
3. Drug for atrial fibrillation (irregular heartbeat)
4. kiss Taylor Swift every Sunday
4.Cholesterol-lowering drugs
5.Drugs for Diabetes Mellitus
6.Regular Medical Check-Up
7. Read Apple Waffle..(it was scientifically proven in Planet Nemeck)

A random Nameck-ian is happy after the treatment of  20 post of Apple Waffle

BITCH SLAP

 This post is dedicated to Haruzato

In my experience (limited maybe), I encountered a lot of bitch

You                                        :  Keough ,what is a bitch ??
Keough/fail-eminem-wannabe : Good question awesome-person/Waffle-eaters

Bitch is the term for a nasty girl. Girl who  act stupid and just annoy you very much. There are many type of bitch.

Poisonous bitch

This kind of girls have laser tongue and like to annoy people verbally. They usually annoy guy but friendly to their girl mate.

Masturbate-holic Bitch

This girl is so selfish, she is willing to fuck anyone who get in their way. (not fuck as in doin sex,fuck in a sense that They will rape your cat and dog if you don't give them what they want and will stop at nothing to get what they want. ) They take anything they want and don't care about anyone.

Lesbian Bitch

this type of bitch is more self-centerd than Kanye West. Kinda like female version of Voldemort. They have similarity with Poisonous bitch, the only diffrence is this Lesbian Bitch annoy both guy and girl

Stoopid bitch
stupid bitch is stupid.nuff said

Bitchy Bitch

bitchy bitch is the pure kind of bitch, they are born to be bitch and die like a hooker..and we all know how we deal with dead hooker. Dump the dead body into the river

Bitch in a Cup
these kind of bitch is the most easy to handle because their size is usually small and midget-ish. Rumors have it that they are distant relatives to Hobbit.

Denial Bitch
this bitch won't admit their bitchi-ness unless you shower them with nude photo of Justin Bieber or held at gun point.

Plain Bitch on a Bun
these kind of bitch is the most easiest to spot among bitches. You could spot them miles away. they are just plain easy to spot because they have big ass. I mean, 80% of their body weight is from the ass.



And to make matter worse,these bitches can evolve , like pokemon and stuff.

Bitch  -------> Biaatch

(read with pokedex voice over in mind) Biaatch is the advanced form of bitch. From here on, is it your civic duty to punch them in the face if you ever encounter one, and it is morally acceptable to not save them when their house is on fire.

How to Deal with Bitch/ Biaatch

1. Bring The Undertaker or The Rock so she will be intimidated. One wrong move,bitch get choke slam.
2. If you don't know any wrestling superstar, just bring painkiller because obviously dealing with bitch gonna be a pain in the ass. (Rumors have it that some bitch like to violate people ass)
3. Learn the middle finger Kung Fu. Practice daily to get the perfect middle finger gesture. Research shown 90% increase effectiveness if you add "Shut the f*ck up!" with your Middle Finger Kung Fu
4. Try to be sweaty and smell like rotten fish, because bad smell is their natural predator.
5. if all else fail, contact ngo

www.bitchbetterrecognize.org  or www.bitchbegone.com 

or

call 1-800-40-BIAATCH now

(btw, if you totally believe the above help website and hotline, you are nuttier than me )

Thx for reading today's Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and having a small genital is not a crime.

Karaoke Time

This is a parody of Hey Soul Sister...enjoy~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrMiZhrgIzk


Hey you b*tch, i wonder why you do like this?
I know you have disease, and it also rhyme with herpes
your sweet pussie,the smell of you and your wet lingerie,
i knew when you ignore me,im the one you detested, who you think is retarded

hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

Just in hell, I know you never wanna care about me,
you gave my dick erection, a game of seduction,you can't deny
I'm so f--king sad, my hard is bound to be rotten  fast
I believe in you, like an angel your a Valkyrie
and I'm very really need a weed


hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

the way you can cut my heart,
watching you enough to make me puke
your the angle , I'm the ugly duck
you keep haunting my dream, you see
I can kill myself finally,the fact is nobody gonna stop me from doin it
My world is really melancholy, empty

hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

Pumpkin Kidnapped

*THIS IS A PHONE CALL CONVERSATION BETWEEN KEOUGH AND A KIDNAPPER* 

kidnapper : Hello, my name is bakabaka-kidnpapper, but you can call me Mr Douchebag. Your daughter life is in my hand

keough : hi there, nice to meet you Douchebag. How are you?

kidnapper : i'm fine, thank you.errrrr...wait...I SAID YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE IS IN MY HAND

keough : life is something abstract, you cannot possibly REALLY hold a life in your hand,could you?

Kidnapper : FINE, I don't have your daughter life in my hand. But if you don't pay the ransom, I will slit your daughter throat and dump her body  in Klang River after cutting her into tiny bite size pieces using chainsaw. Satisfied?

Keough : Yes! I'm satisfied. Yes! Yes! But how do I know it's my daughter? not some random-bangla daughter?

Kidnapper : good point, I never thought of that. This is my first time in the kidnapping industry. Please be gentle.

Keough : since this your first day, I forgive you ok. don't do it again next time ok?

kidnapper : ok

Keough : well, may I pease talk to my daughter

Kidnapper : sure you can, please talk with her

Keough : suddenly I don't want to talk anymore

Kidnapper : damn, don't mess around with me, you want your daughter alive or not?

Keough :  Why so serious? joking only lar. anyway, don't kill my daughter yet. I'm willing to do anything to save her which doesn't involve me physically or mentally harm and doesn't involve me giving up pole-dancing. How much you want?

Kidnapper : 20 cent

Keough : WTF? 20 cent??!! too cheap. My daughter life is not that cheap. I won't pay unless you increase the price

Kidnapper : Hmm....Rm100,000?

 

Keough : still too cheap

Kidnapper : RM 200,000?

Keough : try a bit higher lar...haiya

Kidnapper : RM 500,000 

Keough : RM 1,000,000 take it or leave it..my final offer

Kidnapper: errr....ok

Keough : so..how I'm gonna give you the money?

Kidnapper : pay cash . I give you one hour from now. My guys will pick the money at Jalan Anjing Kencing.

Keough : stupid arr  you? One hour is not enough. You know how far is the bank?? then cari parking lagi,take time mah. In the bank have to queue, also take time mah. Idiot lar you.idiot dumb dumb one.no wonder your mom name you bakabaka-kidnapper.

Kidnapper : sorry lar, this is my first day doing crime.please be gentle. just tell me lor when you ready. I call you again ar?

Keough :  Ok. talk to you later. take care. I love you

Kidnapper : you take care too. I love you too.....errr... I mean...uhhh...I DON'T LOVE YOU!! (my chemical romance,beli cd ori tau)..bapuk arr you?? nevermind. Good day Mr Uthayakumar

Keough : Wait.what you say? My name is Keough. Not Mr Uthayakumar.

Kidnapper: ..sorry..wlong number

Happy Life

HOW TO LEAD A HAPPY LIFE

1. DON'T F*CK WITH AMERICA.  i mean,they got CIA, FBI,B2-bomber and stuff

This bastard destroy 2 country

2. DON'T F*CK WITH TERRORIST. they will bomb your house
3. DON'T F*CK WITH GOVERNMENT unless you are terrorist or Pakatan Rakyat supporter or not from this planet
4. DON'T F*CK WITH OTHER PEOPLE GF/BF unless your name is Keough
5. DON'T INVOLVE YOUR FRIEND'S FAMILY WHEN HELPING YOUR FRIEND. you will be hated forever and ever and ever and ever or until your dead...either way
6. DON'T F*CK WITH GOAT. .....duh..........but buffalo is fine
7. DON'T F*CK WITH YOUR EDUCATION/FUTURE. don't become a loser
8. DON'T F*CK WITH YOUR LECTURER/ BOSS. Some of them can be son of a bitch, but they have the power to make your life difficult.

Passport Picture of my lecturer

9. DON'T F*CK WITH JEWS,  THEY WILL KILL YOU

10. DON'T F*CK WITH TAYLOR SWIFT, I WILL KILL YOU! I'm serious.

11. DON'T FORGET TO READ APPLE WAFFLE. I WILL steal your underwear KICK YOU

Don't Sleep in Class

15 Things You  SHOULD NOT Do in a Boring Lecture

1. Think of sex
2. practice Shaoilin Kung Fu on the lecturer
3. Daydream about Taylor Swift
4. SMS Video call your friend from Mexico
5. Imagine your lecturer is pole-dancing
6. Count things you wanna blame black people (no love for nigger? )
7.  Fart
8. Throw pen at lecturer (10 points for headshot)
9. Write-perverted blog
10. Karate chop the table infront of you into two
11. Cry loudly for no reason every time the lecturer change the slide show.
12. Sell cocaine
13. Point to the lecturer with the middle finger, shout "F*ck You!"  and then dramatically leave the class. (kick the door during exit) and don't bother to come for class anymore bcoz obviously the dean will kick you out from the faculty
14. Hope the lecturer for the next class is absent dead
15. Hide the attendance sheet.  piss off the whole class and become the class's asshole :D

don't be a racist.black people is people too >:T

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I vomit in your food.

How To Be Funny

When someone have no money, you tell him...
"pergi jual badan"

When someone sleep late at night,you say..
"jangan tido lewat..nanti hantu datang"

When you want to refer to someone
" Bangsat,tu pergi mana?"

When someone offer you a non-alcoholic drink such as Milo or Neslo or Iced Tea
"Sorry' I'm driving" and make a hand gesture like you holding a stering

When someone have low-standard taste
"Taste anjing la kau ni"

When someone ask who do that thing or whatever,like
a: who eat my nasi goreng ?
b : "Your Mama~!"
a : $%#!@*!

When someone want to make you piss off, use an angry tone and say
"kau jangan buat sampai aku menangis"

When someone said he have something?
A: aku suka pakai baju merah
B: sejak bila kau pakai baju?

or

A : motor aku rosak lar
B :  kau ada motor ke?

Even Obama laugh at my joke :D

When someone ask
A: kau nak pergi mana?
B: aku nak pergi clubbing

When you want to tell them you have a lot of sin and not religious
"aku pergi masjid nak sembahyang jumaat,aku terbakar.."

When someone ask where are you from..
A: kau tinggal kat mana?
B: aku tinggal kat Malaysia...
A: %$#@!

When someone is ugly:
"muka kau cam bontot tenuk"

When someone say something you don't understand
"Apa kau mencarut nie? "

When someone say something crappy
"Kau demam ke hari ni?"

When someone is in front of the laptop,you say
"Ha, tengok blue! kantoi" 
 

Now go spread STD  the laugh~

Awesome!

How To Be Cool Like Keough

1. never eat vegetable and spicy food
2. get heartbroken by bitches more than 10 times
3. become a big fan of pole dancing
4. blame Jews for every shit that happened
5. sell your roommate nude photo online
6. hate Justin Bieber for no reason
7. have PMS every morning
8. Sleep 20 hours a day

I'm so awesome, eminem kiss my ass every week

9. catch flying llama as hobby
10. have small genital
11. have orgasm every time you see Ip Man poster or futsal court
12. practice Shaoilin Kung Fu on your younger brother
13. Donate money to Celcom rm10 a day

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Fu*king Waffle Chill out.I'm Keough and I am fu*king awesome.

Unisexual Test

Man : How faggot are you?
Girl : How Cute Are You?

1. Use excessive emoticon on public (1 point)
2.  act childish to the point people want to f-ck fishing slap you  (1 point)
3. Wear pink stuff like watch,shirt,car (1 point)
4. Read girly manga (1 point)
5. listen to West Life or others love song (1 point)
6. Listen Justin Bierber (1 point)
7. Like girly cartoon like powerpuff girl and sailormoon (1 point)
8. Like muscular dude (1 point)
9. Talk like a girl ( 8 points)
10. Don't read Apple Waffle (1 point)
11. Sleep with teddy bear/cute pillow (1 point)

If you get more than 1 point,you are officially a faggot/cute-girl.

This girl got 11 points..OMG so cute..

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and entering woman toilet by mistake is not cool at all.(Keough put paper bag on head)

Properties Of God

Your body is not yours, it's God.

My body is not really mine,it's God. God borrow it to me. Let say you have a car (we all know you don't even have driving license yet, and even if you do, your driving an ugly car), that car is not really yours,(even thought you already have fully paid the monthly installment and have your name on the car road tax). Your car belong to God, it's just that God borrow it specifically to you, and you alone. (But that doesn't mean you could not share your PSP to me) Not me, not your friend or your cousin's neighbor's step brother's ex-girlfriend's mom, God borrow it specifically to YOU. If god want his car back, he can take it anytime anyplace. The fact that you still driving it because God still want you to take care the car for him (remember to change the engine oil  every 7500 mile).

We are at mercy of God

God give you good food everyday, basically your meal are given by god. God quench your thirst when you are thirsty, feed you when you are hungry, give you love when you are lonely, give you cloth so you won't get cold. Just imagine if you have no cloth and have to use box to protect your modesty? (well,not that people want to look at your  junk anyway)

God give me the love of a twin I never have,and he take it back. It's okay. I am sad buts it's okay, I'm grateful God bless me with the time, and I'm sure something better will come along next time as long as I learn from the past. I'm sure repeating the same mistake is not what God want us to do.

WHY god borrow us all these thing? Is that so we can abuse it? Is that so that we could hurt others? 

I personally believe god give us arm and leg for a greater purpose,greater than writing perverted blog or walking to a strip club. God give hand for doctors to heal, farmer to harvest crop, policeman to arrest thug and Keough to slap you when you don't read my blog when I update it. 

 Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and my body belong to God.

YOUR MAMA

Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application.

Yo mamma's so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money. 

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!

Yo mama so FAT, she got hit by a bus, and said 'who threw that rock at me?!'

Your Mommmas so poor that when some kid stole her skate board she said "Hey who took the family car?"

Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind

Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Chill out... and who am I? I'm your MAMA!

NEW YEAR GREETING

HAPPY NEW YEAR

JOHNY DEPP!! 
Oh,sorry about that,you are so handsome,
I thought you are Johny Depp.My mistake. 

ANOTHER YEAR OF SUCCESS IS WAITING FOR YOU AND ME AND YOUR BISEXUAL PARTNER!!

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST, AND I HOPE YOUR HOUSE WILL NEVER BE DEMOLISH BY JEW

I DON'T WANT TO F*** UP MY LIFE FOR THE 97th TIMES,
SO THIS YEAR

I WILL BE A GOOD BOY LIKE BUSH HITLER ANWAR NAJIB PAK LAH YOU

(You better be a good person or I'm gonna blame you for everything I have f**k with)

Zionist love their useful and good hobby : making people homeless

LETS WALK TOWARDS A BRIGHTER B*TCH FUTURE

Yours really-corruptly and sincerely, 

Keough