Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Despicable Me 2 Movie Review

For those who plan to watch this movie, DON'T .  Just done.

The movie is so unbearable and boring like your facebook status. Despicable Me 1 is a very good movie. With the sequel, Despicable Me 1 seems like a distant place , a thousands light years away. 

The first thing come to mind midway through the movie is it's the worst RM8 I ever spent. (second worst is your mom). The director should be ashamed for ripping off people money and hang himself under a rambutan tree. Even if you are asleep the whole movie, trust me, you won't miss a thing.I despise the movie Despicable Me 2. The only thing I agree with the movie is it's a despicable movie. 

Keough Rating : 0.4/10

Pumpkin Rating : 1/10

The only salvation of this disaster of a movie is the cute cuddly minion.

P/S : This is the first ever Apple Waffle Movie Review, so for those who is watching this history in the making, this is a proud moment for me!

Monday, July 22, 2013


This blog does not protect you from STD. Reading this blog might cause explosive diarrhea ,vomiting , jaundice,blindness or death. This blog may not be the suitable product for you. Consult your local pimp/hooker today.

PMS-bitch has never fail humiliate me again and again and again...and again.

Today, she needed to do a procedure on me. 

My anger boil as the probe she was handling touch my right abdomen. All the years of misery and more misery has laid up to this point.


30 minutes later

She was with other classmates in the procedure room where blood is taken. The room is white clean and crowded. From the door ,she could see me beckon her to come to me.

I more 2 step away from the room, and she follows.

"Could I talk to you privately?"


"I am happy to work with you. We should be professional....... "

Suddenly two classmates walk pass by, I let them pass before resuming talking.

"You have humiliated again and again......and again". (my words becoming more tense without me realizing it)
"You don't deserve...........(I hesitated for 0.3 seconds)...... what happen back there.You don't deserve to do the scan on me"

As I was talking ,she broke into a smile. An evil smile with her eyes glinting with mischief. She interrupted, "Ingat aku nak sangat buat scan, doktor yang suruh aku buat," and then she blasted " kenapa kau nak cari pasal dengan aku? aku dah baik dengan kau ............"

Before she could finish another word, I put both of my hand up in the air and I just walk away.
If you are not going to say sorry, I am not interested to listen to you.

So what if you being recently nice to me, you never properly apologize to me.
 You either say "I'm sorry" or go home.

And what do you mean you are being nice to me? Just tell me what did you do that is so nice. 
You did nothing. 
Not one fcuking thing,goddamnit.

Instead of apologizing to me and say "yeah, you are right Eddy, I don't deserve it. I'm sorry"  , she went full berserk on me. Gee, just fucking great. Thanks for being mad right back at me.Good job.

Facing your problem, dealing it face to face is such a hug relief. I feel empowered. I am sick of feeling this resentment and today I gt my closure. That day, my manliness just went through the roof .

Rumor has it my manliness could be spot in Pluto.

P/s : what does the above caption even mean? I don't care.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Bath in Blood

*As you read the following monograpgh, please play TV show Dexter theme song

I love to donate blood.  Who knows my blood will save?  My blood will save the life ...of rapist, bank robber and small African nation dictator.

My girlfriend misconception was people could get seborrheic dermatitis and hemorrhoid if  other people receive my blood!

Taking about blood, I remember my first time taking blood, it was smooth sailing. Then it was a steady decline where there is just blood splashing everywhere, even inside the nurse underpant. So anyone meeting me in the clinic should wrote their will beforehand. Just kidding, don't run away from me ,
why run when you have a car?

Even my uncle donate blood

Seeing blood flow nonstop from a gaping wound like tap water make me feel sick and terrible. I mean, not even a threesome with katniss everdeen and peeta could not make me feel better afterward

Hearing people speak so soft is loathsome. Speak up if you are a man and use your tongue more if you are a women (if you know what I mean....those word that have L are really hard for us asian).

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle . I'm Keough and you suck!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


No mad-cow was harm in the making of this blog*

You look at your watch and you realize you are 3 minute late to class. So you start running/driving really fast,  hoping the lecturer is still not arrive to the class. You open the door,lecturer is mid-sentence and you quietly sit on an empty chair. It feel so awkward as you swing the door and everyone look at you.

That's what happen to me today.

I feel guilty for interrupting the class and being a not-punctual. Please stoned me, I deserve it.

Then you will feel better when 3 other person is more late than you are. You will be like, hey I'm not that bad, look at these tardy people!

Then the same three person will feel better if someone else is more late than then

anyone wonder what is Dr Mahathir attendace percentage during his form 2?

How to not be late:

  1. know your schedule
  2. know exactly the place to go
  3. if you expect traffic ,go early
  4. If you expect to not find parking space,go early
  5. Go early at least 20 minutes
  6. constantly get update of ur schedule every 4 hours
  7. Dont update your blog three minute before class
  8. Don't shave your gorilla-thick-armpit 1 minute before class
And you got to wonder how the lecturer felt...downright insulted I presume. 

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle, I'm Keough and do your best!

Friday, July 12, 2013

Unwanted Classmate

I have new posting which mean I have new classmates. But somehow it all feel the same. I am still neglected like unwanted-pregnancy child and unnoticed like a stepchild of dysfunctional family and despise like a pariah.

All the last year character is replaceable.  For me,they are just another face in the crowd. In my eyes, they are faceless person without an identity.

It has been always been so and I don't expect anything to change. I'm not sad. I'm just happy God giving me extra time to be on my own so I could study harder.

my ideal classmate-Mayama

A new member of the posting caught my eye. You could see he is honest and sincere in learning. He dare to admit he still did not understand the topic when others sit quiet , content with their imbecility. People we're laughing at him. For me ,he is not a loser. He is the true winner, a real student who pursue knowledge regardless of public opinion and condemnation.

Learning partogram turn out to be huge and embarrassingly funny conundrum. We we're like kindergartner trying and failing badly to color inside the line.

p/s : I know my ideal classmate is an anime character...that will basically tell you how immature I am and how small my genital is.

p/p/s : I am the unwanted classmate, just in case you retard is confuse with the title.

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and I like the fact both your dad and brother have a boobjob.

Monday, July 8, 2013


Being the class leader is thankless job. Nobody will say," Ah..good job"," Great work Eddy " or "Thank you so much Eddy". Nobody appreciate what you did and nobody want to say thanks.

Nobody want the job and it's being pass around like std and pushed to the most weakest member of the group who probably won't say no or do not know how to say no or do not have the ball to say no.

And you think the lecturer will give you extra credit for being the leader. Hmm, Eddy is a leader,why not give him bonus marks? No, at the end of the day , you still get zero for your fucking exam like everybody else. So why bother being the leader?  To make matter worse, you get blame for everything. Why is Mr A or Miss Z didn't attend class?
  How on earth could you know which planet they derp into?
The lecturer blame you bcoz you're suppose to keep track of all your group members.

Every members of the group will continuously ask you about the time and places for the class. Suddenly you find yourself turn into a radio which keep playing the same cassette over and over again. I mean, EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU NEED TO ASK THE LEADER THE SAME QUESTION? COME INSIDE COME ON!!

Since you have constantly touching  in touch with the lecturers, they lecturer will recognize you. So whenever you make mistake ,it will be magnify ten folds. The lecturer eye is now automatically will lock on to your mistake , watching you patiently for the moment you do wrong like a vulture in the savanna.

Photo of my lecturer

Whatever job that's need to be done, it's your job bcoz you are the leader. The lecturers expect you to do everything. Even your classmates expect you to do everything while they're just sitting on their arse including yours truly.

Book the class ...Leader
Make sure lecturer come to class..... Leader
Make sure everybody know about class....Leader
Send attendance to office...Leader
Find teaching material...Leader
Scrub your wrinkly bollock....Leader
Stop Pakatan Rakyat demonstration....Leader

So far, I've only been telling you the disadvantages of being a Leader, (in my faculty at least). In order to be fair, I will also talk about the advantages of being the leader.

Suddenly you have this unstoppable power to arrange the class and your shitty classmate start to beg and plead  left ,right and center to postponed the class or make it earlier so they can go balik kampung bla bla bla with bla bla bla . Fuck it. If it's up to me, I don't even care  if your cat is pregnant! Suck my smelly coconut-sized-balls and attend the class.

Secondly, by being a leader, you learn to held responsibilities. You are responsible for the education of 8 other people you barely knew.

Thirdly, hmmmm...there's no thirdly. Thus, I provided you with fuck-load of evident why you should not be a leader. It is really a thankless job. No pat in the back, just turd after turd waiting. An endless and vicious cycle of bollock.

Thanks for watcing today's episode of Apple Waffle, I'm Keough and I rejected your mom.

Stupid Cunt Episode 2 : Don't write on my book

This post is about Cunt Lord, roommate of last episode Stupid Cunt.

Dear Cunt Lord, I know you are too cheapskate to buy your own textbook, that's why I let you borrow my textbook, knowing that you will surely return it in mint condition.

However, I was greatly mistaken to trust a stupid cunt like you to respect other people belonging/property. There a scribbles,lines and sketches all over my beloved textbook. If I have known this will be the fate of my book, I will never let you borrow it in the first place.


Plus, you don't even have the decency to erase all those annoying lines/scribbles/sketches.