HOW TO SLEEP

by Eddy-self-proclaim expert in sleeping with 22 years of experience in the art of sleeping..phD in Sleepinology and minor in calculus and wet dream. Famous author of  hot-seller "  How to Become Sleepilogist in 2 Minutes"

I know a lot of you motherfuckers out there is having trouble sleeping.

nice deep sleep is a privilege and luxury 

step 1.. stop watching ur porn and close the laptop
step 2...go shower (and wank )
step 3 .sleep
step 4...be angry at self for still not able to sleep
step 5...start to think about all your shameful past
step 6...stop reading this blog
----end---



Thanks for reading apple waffle ,I'm Keough and your roommate is a wanker.

Stupid Cat

Anyone who own cat should seriously read this,so they know how crazy, handsome and horny I am. 

Cat are the worst animal at crossing road. I was driving my motorcycle, crying because of my small tiny dick and shit,minding my own bussiness. Then out of no where BAMM come a  cat running and hit my right shoe at full speed. WHAT DA FUCKING FUCK CAT?? WHY U RUN AT ME???

Lucky the collision did not injure my shoe and the cat sadly survive. I'm not sorry if the cat die. I'm not. I'm NOT!

Why the fuck you want to cross a busy road??? Just why cat? Just why?

The above event traumatized my motorcycle ,now it's mentally depressed and need daily weed and gay (threesome) pornography to calm it nerve from jumping off a buliding. AND IM NOT FINISH

the cat waiting for someone to ran him over

If you drive,and you hit a cat, it's not your fucking fault. It's not. The cat is clearly well-informed about the risk in running in front of moving vehicle. (Fuck,they even sign the consent form).

In the event a cat sit/ran in front of your car/private jet/donkey cart,  just hit the motherfucker.

You don't swerve,stop or avoid the cat. You hit the cat dead centre and if it is not dead with the initial impact,you reverse your car and do it again. The bloodier your car bumper, the better. Furthermore, it's totally acceptable to have the blood all over your face and lower back. (LOLWUT??)

TAYLOR,GET YOUR SMELLY WET LICE INFESTED PUSSY OFF THE ROAD!

There should be a law to curtail this demonic-cat-on-the-road disaster. While our lawmaker are busy wanking, the cat keep killing people joy and happiness on a day-to-day basis with their antic.

In addition. they poop everywhere and piss everywhere. Great, just FUCKING GREAT.

And to add more insult to injury, they breed a lot. It's insanity at the highest level. Every 2 months they breed more youngling. It's madness, really. If anyone need a condom,it is cat.

 IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S CAT.

  USE SOME PROTECTION ALREADY BEFORE I SPLASH YOU WITH MY TURD , U FURY LITTLE BASTARD.

Here is my ideal cat

1. do not poop
2. do not urinate
3. find it own food
4. give u money every weeks
5. talk to ur girlfirend when you are busy playing computer game
6. know how to change motor oil
7. use contraception
8. have complete knowledge in stock exchange 

Thanks for watching today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and Taylor please stop licking my left bollock.YES,IM TALKING TO YOU TAYLOR, GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN WHERE YOU BELONG.