NOT MINE

This post is dedicated to Daisy with hope she will forever find success in whatever she is doing.

Ok, the jokes below obviously is not mine. I could never have create  dumb shit like these. ( and you all know I love dumb shit)  I''ll provide the link of the site I get the jokes.

My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car

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A 70 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.

"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

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what do you do if you see your ex , running around in your front yard covered in blood and screaming for help ?

stay calm . reload . and try again

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Girl: Heyy:)
BOY:hey
GIRL: I like you:)
BOY: wow.
GIRL: What?? you don't like me????
BOY: no
GIRL: wow you are so nice :'(
BOY: why are you crying??
GIRL: You don't like me :'(
BOY: well you never asked if i love you:)
GIRL: well do you?!
BOY: Lol no.
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i'm one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES:
-ONCE when it's told to me
-ONCE when it's explained to me
and
-ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey son, may I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN / MAN -
WOMAN:
* Wine her,* Dine her,* Call her,* Hug her,* Support her,* Hold her,* Surprise her,* Compliment her,* Smile at her,* Listen to her,* Laugh with her,* Cry with her,* Romance her,* Encourage her,* Believe in her,* Pray with her,* Pray for her,* Cuddle with her* Shop with her,
,* Give her jewelry.* Buy her flowers,* Hold her hand,* Write love letters to her,* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.


HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
* Show up naked ...
* Bring food ...
* Don't block the TV 

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There was a plane crash. Every SINGLE person died. Except two people. How is that possible???' They were MARRIED. Get it??

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10 commandments of being a teenager:
1. Thou shall not sneak out when there parents are sleeping (why wait?)
2. Thou shall not do drugs (alochol lasts longer)
3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart (Walmart has a bigger selection)
4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism (destructon has a bigger effect)
5. Thou shall not steal from their parents (everyone knows Grandma has more money)
6. Thou shall not get into fights (start them)
7. Thou shall not skip class (take the whole day off)
8. Thou shall not go to strip clubs (Hooters has better food)
9. Thou shall not think about having sex (like Nike says... just do it)
10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street (leave them in the middle)

LINK to DUMB SHIT 

BEST CHANNEL EVAR

Sorry Waffle-eaters, today there will be no Apple Waffle.I know you. You tired of my  random crap. I know you sick of my random crap. So now it's time to listen to other people random crap. I'm gonna share my most favorite You Tube channel. This is not a total rip off. This not my pathetic attempt to skip writing today's Apple Waffle like I always skip my class.

My Top You Tube Channel

• Raywilliamjohson-Warning:  extreme profanity and extreme F-word spewing.
• Wheezy Waiter-if you like a good laugh,safe joke,could be enjoy by the family
• Nigahiga-this dude is a funny Hawaiian-Japanese ...safe joke
• Bubbiosity-
• IniAnwarHadi

Meeka kitty is so beautiful! I'll date her anytime

• Meekakitty- beautiful red-headed lass childish behavior is funny and fun to watch
• Smosh 
• sxephil-trust me,there is nothing sexual in this channel
• matluthfi90

Why no link?? ?  Because you need to practice middle finger Kung Fu on the mouse and I am too lazy to provide the link

My Rap Song

When you fuckers are bored or have nothing to do,check out my rap song..click the link below...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=142787119123309&comments

Promoting Shit

This person named Neuro..(NOT that  Nero CD Burner) a.k.a coolest artist evarr...he draw the most beautiful shit. I witness his growth and been admiring his work from day one he start using Deviant Art. (if you don't know what is Deviant Art, we cannot be friends anymore) .I totally love his work and stuff, always awe me with his masterpiece. (and I half-wished I could have sharingan so I could copy his drawing skill) 

Go stalk his blog,deviantart, whatever.  I could even smuggle his underwear to you if you want. (don't forget to stalk Keough too) He also have this-so-called -proud-application-he-joined named Twitter. (he is so proud of Twitter, I bet he die if Twitter close) (and I wonder how much $$$ Twitter pay him to promote Twitter zzz)

I would love to produce a sample of his drawing in my blog, but due to Nero stingy-nature unforeseen circumstances,it wont be shown in my blog. However, I'm providing the link.

free small size banner from his blog,see my point,so stingy with his artwork  OTL zzz

click below for 

AWESOME ARTWORK EVARR!

p/s: Nero,this is not a bribe..but please treat me more food ;w;  (Keough is having economic crisis)

Valuable Sam

This gentleman is your hero.

Hello friend. You remember Samy Vellu? The ex-President of MIC. (For those who is from outside Malaysia, this gonna make any sense to you, I'm sorry) Before I joke about Samy Vellu, let's us know a little bit anout Samy Vellu. 

• 1979 - December 2010 : President of Malaysian Indian Congress, a partner in the ruling National Front Coalition
• 1974 - March 2008 : Member of the House of Representatives of the Malaysian Parliament
• 1978 - 1979 : Deputy Minister of Local Government and Housing
• 1979 - 1989 : Minister of Works, Malaysia
• 1989 - 1995 : Minister of energy, Telecommunications and Posts, Malaysia
• 1995 - March 2008 : Minister of Works Malaysia         (sources: wikipedia)

Then,there is this group claimed to be from Methodist Girls' School. They compiled a note titled "Just read... DAMN FUNNY!!". The note is about every crap Samy Vellu have spoken. Some of the thing they wrote, I swear to god I laugh my ass out.  Here is a few extract :

1. Samy Velu quoted on Pos Laju:
"Besoh kirim, hari ini juga sampai"

2. On one TV news when he tried to say he felt very ashamed:
"Ini prekara sangat memalukan saya dan kemaluan saya sangat-sangat la besar"

3. Samy said in one of his "ceramah":
"Kita akan bina satu jambatan wuntuk worang2 kampong di sini." Then one pakcik asked, "Datuk, sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan?" And Samy gloriously replied, "Kalao takde sungai, kita bina sungai"

4. Samy's most favourite quote on the news for the decade is this:
"Toll naik sikit, banyak marah saya. You worang ingat semua ini toll saya punyer bapah punya kah!"

If you want to laugh more reading dumb shit like this, go to their Facebook page. I'm giving you the link, go check them out.  

Methodist Girls' School, 5 Commerce (2010)

Funny You Tube Video

This is a special broadcast . Check out
Paku and Belacan/awesome-guys.
Their video is god-damn funny.I swear on my granpa's grave you will laugh your ass off.If you are not entertain by them,I am willing to pay you 100 million dollar.(ka-chingg $$$ )

(open self wallet,butterfly come out from wallet)
...............................

(awkward silent)


................So as I was saying.The video basically is about two Mat Salleh,who can speak Malay! How often can you see that?? What the fcuk I'm blabbering about?? Just go watch them.

MUST SEE VIDEO EVER

U better click it,before I start pole dancing .