BIEBER FEVER (NOT)

Hey hey hey, Justin Bieber was here recently for his concert last Thursday. It created some sort of buzz from fans here in Malaysia

Yes, a lot of people have talk about this epidemic "Bieber Fever" and I'm here to give my opinion. Bieber Fever is without a doubt is more contagious than Bird Flu, Swine Flu and SARS combined. Luckily for us, the guys, this disease only affect women within non-my-grandma-age. So boys, having balls does have it advantages.

only God knows what make him make that expression,but I really hope its not related to Apple Waffle :D

Sign of Bieber Fever

1. dream of marrying him
2. scream loudly when you see him
3. go berserk when you saw his Girlfriend,you know,that bitch, Selena Gomez-something
4. would willing to do anything for his unwashed Obama-patterned-boxer ( I know Justin is a Canadian, and he is not even in a legal age to vote, but I'm pretty sure he vote for Change a.k.a Obama if he was an American)
5. have morbidly excessive photo of him in your room or laptop

LOLWUT??

Ok, let me get this straight. Justin Bieber....he is just a normal human being. There is no need to go having multiple orgasm whenever he come to your country and do concert. (but it is morally acceptable if you have multiple orgasm over Ip-Man or futsal ball) I don't hate him nor do I like him. He deserve to be singer because I'm sure he put a lot of effort into it. But seriously, come on girls, there is no reason to be obsessively fanatical about him or worship him or whatever. I may not be religious as I should have been but I'm pretty sure he is not a God. You don't need to be expert in God to know he ain't one. You know what I mean.

Picture of Justin Bieber's uncle, Jar Jar Bink

Then there is this story about a girl who get the chance to shake hand with Justin Bieber and now she won't wash her hand. Come on girl, I'm sure your personal hygiene is way way way way more important than Justin Bieber germs and sweat on your hand. Unless his sweat is scientifically proven to the end world poverty, go ahead, by all means, keep his dirty sweat. ( if his sweat could end world poverty, I wonder what his jizz could do, i'm just sayin)

just so you  know, my older sister LOVE Justin Bieber, thats why I don't dare to call bad names to Justin Bieber in this post. You all know how Apple Waffle "usually" works *wink*    

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out. I'm Keough and your uncle has three balls (and I'm not talking about bowling balls.)

BEST CHANNEL EVAR

Sorry Waffle-eaters, today there will be no Apple Waffle.I know you. You tired of my  random crap. I know you sick of my random crap. So now it's time to listen to other people random crap. I'm gonna share my most favorite You Tube channel. This is not a total rip off. This not my pathetic attempt to skip writing today's Apple Waffle like I always skip my class.

My Top You Tube Channel

• Raywilliamjohson-Warning:  extreme profanity and extreme F-word spewing.
• Wheezy Waiter-if you like a good laugh,safe joke,could be enjoy by the family
• Nigahiga-this dude is a funny Hawaiian-Japanese ...safe joke
• Bubbiosity-
• IniAnwarHadi

Meeka kitty is so beautiful! I'll date her anytime

• Meekakitty- beautiful red-headed lass childish behavior is funny and fun to watch
• Smosh 
• sxephil-trust me,there is nothing sexual in this channel
• matluthfi90

Why no link?? ?  Because you need to practice middle finger Kung Fu on the mouse and I am too lazy to provide the link

KEDAH JUKEBOX

Okay, no more crap. It's about time I talk something useful and informative instead of the usual trash-talk. Now I'm gonna teach you some words in Kedah people daily conversation.

You      : we don't wanna to know about Kedah, give me the usual Apple Waffle
Keough : Shut up. Too bad, this is my blog, I can chose whatever the hell I want to write.
You     : %$#@!

I've been living in Kedah for 13 years and I must say, I'm losing my Kedah accent which I will not blame urbanization or Barrack Obama's ex-girlfriend's pedophile grandma.  Years of talking formal in Bahasa Malaysia have taken in toll.

Hang- you
example : Hang nak makan apa?  | What you want to eat?

Depa-they
Depa nak  makan apa?  | What they want to eat?

Hangpa semua- you all
Hangpa semua bila nak makan?  When you all wanna eat?

seriau- afraid
Seriau aku ikut jalan itu, ada hantu | I'm afraid to use that path, there is ghost there.
 
habaq-tell
Aku nak habaq benda penting ni.  | I want to tell you something important.

sat-1. for a moment      2.wait
1.  Tunggu sat | Wait for a moment. (usually use with the word "tunggu" at the front,but it would also be understandable if you use the word "sat" alone)
2. sat sat sat!  | wait wait wait!

satgi- later
Satgi hang jumpa aku belakang rumah.  | Later I will meet you behind the house.

pi-   go
Jom pi pekan  | Let's go to town.

lagu tu- like that
Jangan buat lagu tu.  | Don't do like that.

awat- why
Awat muka sedih?  | Why the sad face?

kupang- this is a bit tricky to explain.
10 cent is sekupang
20 cent is dua kupang
30 cent is tiga kupang
but there is no such thing as 10 kupang. RM1.00 is "Seringgit" in Kedah. Got it?

Now let's jump off the building together practice together. Read the text below, see whether you could understand.

Brad Pitt : Hang jangan habaq kat depa,satgi aku nak pergi clubbing.
Lady Gaga : Awat hang nak pergi seorang? Ajak la aku. Tapi nak pinjam duit boleh? dalam wallet aku tinggal 4  kupang saja.
Brad Pitt  : Seriau aku nak bagi pinjam duit kat hang, hang bukan reti bayar. tiada duit tak boleh ikut.

(as Brad Pitt is leaving he was stopped by Osama Bin Laden )
Osama Bin laden : sat sat sat! hangpa tunggu sat sini , Pak Cik aku satgi nak datang,dia bawak makanan untuk kita.

Rumors has it that Osama was from Changlun, Kedah

Thanx for reading today's Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and Kedah people are AWESOME.

My Rap Song

When you fuckers are bored or have nothing to do,check out my rap song..click the link below...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=142787119123309&comments

Powahful Sister

          My sisters is more powahful than me and najib. They can shoot laser form their eye, breath fire and can turn into super saiya.

Ok,that last sentences is not true, they can only shoot laser from their eyes.

            Is it just me or all my older sisters is better than me in every way? I wonder whether there is some ultimate rule that says older sister are always better than you. Whoever invent that rule, I'm gonna f*cking kill him. Well, I guess older sister is suppose to be that way. They suppose to be better than you. The extra age does have it advantages. My grandma know the legendary mop kung fu.They have more experience than me. I mean, they like  'been there, done that'. 

My granma's  is Ip Man ex-girlfriend

 My older sisters is/are

• more religious than me (this one sister from Penang,when I text her,she always says thing that put a knife on my back)
• get excellent grade in their study
• more richer than me (but at least they always treat me watch movie in cinema, karaoke and stuff)
• can drive better than me  (they look so cool when they drive me around)
• have better talent in drawing than me (heck, one of my sister is even an artist in our local comic magazine!)
• have awesome JOB
• have a lot of people comment in their Facebook wall (i'm not jealous,shut up troll)
• have more friend than me in Facebook  (i'm really not jealous.shut the fuck up troll)
• have cooler Handphone. ( I have to camwhore using their phone  )
• have more pageview on THEIR blog

Picture of my handphone

               I feel somewhat small compared to my older sisters. But I can play futsal better than any of them.  FUTSAL IS SUPERIOR TO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD  Take that sis!! I WIN !!(ok..that wasn't necessary)

Errrrr,to any of my older sisters,who are now reading this, I just wanna say thank you so much for being there for me in my hour of need, always give me a hand to reach in my desperation, a place to hold on when everything are just seem terrible to bear. Thanks for the cheer and comfort. One day when I become more richer than you, I treat you  papadom. I love you .

not this one, i mean the food..THE FOOD!

(If you don't know what is papadom, please go back to Nigeria, where you belong.)

Just so you know, one text message from my sisters is all it needs to turn me into Super Saiya  make me happy the whole day.Sister complex? I don't know...

Thx for reading today's  Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and my toilet paper is made from gold.

Mr Potato Head night talk.

Mr Potato Head made his first visit here in Apple Waffle.

Wanted to thank him for giving me the priviledge to spam and kentut here.

It's midnight so Mr Potato decided to talk some random stuff about late-sleepers together with his buddy Mr Taib.
MPH: Do you know that you have higher tendency to die if you're not sleeping after 12?
Taib: Apa gunanya awk beritau I pasal ni? Orang macam I hebat. Satu hari 3 bungkus rokok. You boleh ka?
MPH : why not. I can prove to you I can. 

Taking out 3 boxes of cigarettes.

Taib: Huh? Ingat lawak ke bodoh? Ni cuma kotak rokok kosong. KOSONGLAH. NGOK NGEK.
MPH: You're the idiot. It's empty cos my wife is the only taking them.
Taib: Oh, ko ada isteri? Ingatkan kau suka laki. 
MPH : MYOB lah. Mind you own business. Back to our topic. - issue of sleeping late.
Taib : Orang macam I, dah biasa tidur lewat. Sbb I jual porn , dah kata untuk thread2 yang lepas.
MPH: Sure? Not Facebooking?
Taib: Facebook tu apa?  Ehem, actually ada byk sebab orang2 sekarang tidur lewat2 belaka. Sbb mereka nak cari video Anwar Ibrahim dgn seks scandal dia.Sedangkan video tu langsung takde pe2. Buang masa aku cari. Nanti kita sama2 act keluar, gerenti lagi benar.
MPH: With you? I'm maybe a gay but I have a sense of taste. With a guy who doesn't even make up or shave your head, so unsexy.
Taib : Jgn perasan, I ni 100% No Man.
MPH: Your English sucks.
Taib : Apa boleh buat, I diculik oleh sekumpulan Singaporean, dipaksa jual -2nd hand lingerie- kat tepi Jalan masa kecik.
MPH: This is a meaningless night talk. Yawn, I seriously needed some sleep. 
Taib: Cepatnya. Mau tak I baca badtime story? Ia berkenaan dgn pengalaman di mana ada pocong antar bunga kat aku. Kata nak pegi dating dan mendayung sampan bersama-sama.
Merana juga sbb sepanjang dating tu I terpaksa menolak dia dalam troli. Lompatan pocong tu sungguh buruk skali. Patutlah orang kata pocong x mungkin dapat pecahkan rekod lompat jauh.
MPH : You have no sense of humor tonight. 
Taib: Whatever....

Lights turn off...................oyasumi.

Karaoke Time

This is a parody of Hey Soul Sister...enjoy~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrMiZhrgIzk


Hey you b*tch, i wonder why you do like this?
I know you have disease, and it also rhyme with herpes
your sweet pussie,the smell of you and your wet lingerie,
i knew when you ignore me,im the one you detested, who you think is retarded

hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

Just in hell, I know you never wanna care about me,
you gave my dick erection, a game of seduction,you can't deny
I'm so f--king sad, my hard is bound to be rotten  fast
I believe in you, like an angel your a Valkyrie
and I'm very really need a weed


hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

the way you can cut my heart,
watching you enough to make me puke
your the angle , I'm the ugly duck
you keep haunting my dream, you see
I can kill myself finally,the fact is nobody gonna stop me from doin it
My world is really melancholy, empty

hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

hey not-soul mate give me that unwanted,cigarette ,
the way you fool me ain't cool you know
hey not soul mate,you don't miss a single thing of me right?

Pumpkin Kidnapped

*THIS IS A PHONE CALL CONVERSATION BETWEEN KEOUGH AND A KIDNAPPER* 

kidnapper : Hello, my name is bakabaka-kidnpapper, but you can call me Mr Douchebag. Your daughter life is in my hand

keough : hi there, nice to meet you Douchebag. How are you?

kidnapper : i'm fine, thank you.errrrr...wait...I SAID YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE IS IN MY HAND

keough : life is something abstract, you cannot possibly REALLY hold a life in your hand,could you?

Kidnapper : FINE, I don't have your daughter life in my hand. But if you don't pay the ransom, I will slit your daughter throat and dump her body  in Klang River after cutting her into tiny bite size pieces using chainsaw. Satisfied?

Keough : Yes! I'm satisfied. Yes! Yes! But how do I know it's my daughter? not some random-bangla daughter?

Kidnapper : good point, I never thought of that. This is my first time in the kidnapping industry. Please be gentle.

Keough : since this your first day, I forgive you ok. don't do it again next time ok?

kidnapper : ok

Keough : well, may I pease talk to my daughter

Kidnapper : sure you can, please talk with her

Keough : suddenly I don't want to talk anymore

Kidnapper : damn, don't mess around with me, you want your daughter alive or not?

Keough :  Why so serious? joking only lar. anyway, don't kill my daughter yet. I'm willing to do anything to save her which doesn't involve me physically or mentally harm and doesn't involve me giving up pole-dancing. How much you want?

Kidnapper : 20 cent

Keough : WTF? 20 cent??!! too cheap. My daughter life is not that cheap. I won't pay unless you increase the price

Kidnapper : Hmm....Rm100,000?

 

Keough : still too cheap

Kidnapper : RM 200,000?

Keough : try a bit higher lar...haiya

Kidnapper : RM 500,000 

Keough : RM 1,000,000 take it or leave it..my final offer

Kidnapper: errr....ok

Keough : so..how I'm gonna give you the money?

Kidnapper : pay cash . I give you one hour from now. My guys will pick the money at Jalan Anjing Kencing.

Keough : stupid arr  you? One hour is not enough. You know how far is the bank?? then cari parking lagi,take time mah. In the bank have to queue, also take time mah. Idiot lar you.idiot dumb dumb one.no wonder your mom name you bakabaka-kidnapper.

Kidnapper : sorry lar, this is my first day doing crime.please be gentle. just tell me lor when you ready. I call you again ar?

Keough :  Ok. talk to you later. take care. I love you

Kidnapper : you take care too. I love you too.....errr... I mean...uhhh...I DON'T LOVE YOU!! (my chemical romance,beli cd ori tau)..bapuk arr you?? nevermind. Good day Mr Uthayakumar

Keough : Wait.what you say? My name is Keough. Not Mr Uthayakumar.

Kidnapper: ..sorry..wlong number

WEAK GUNNER

"F. U."  was heard as it was shouted from the corridor of my apartment. I guess what that guy actually wanna say is "Fu*k you."  Stick to your gun, man, say it out loud. If you don't have the ball to curse, don't curse at all. Make up your mind dude, whether you wanna be vulgar or not. F.U.???? That is the most pathetic thing I ever heard, nothing is more pathetic than that feeble attempt to curse in the history of pathetic-ness . I'm not saying you should be a trash-talker and curse all you want. But man,the moment he uttered that word is the moment he lost all trace of his manhood. I see more ball from a 19 years old girl than that dude I'm just sayin. 

 even this faggot have more ball than that  dude

Ball-less-man-who-does-not-stick-to-your-gun, I don't hate you, in fact I pity you, I just want you to grow a dick  and  curse when appropriate. Ok, enough about your boyfriend. tee hee hee

Thanx for reading today's ball-siest Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and please stick to your gun.

P/S : You guys likes  last Monday Apple Waffle? Yeah, I thought it was pretty clever. She really sum up the real me with that comic she did.

Special Guest Hachiro

PERVERT TURTLE

         What do you get when you combine stuffed toy and capitalism? Apparently, a very perverted turtle. I met,with got to be the most pervert turtle in the world.

This is an artist rendering of the real soft toy,the owner of the soft toy refuse to have the actual turtle picture be published

Just look at his eye,they are motherf*cking grandmotherf*cking great-grandmotherf*cking pervert. Imagine you are in the shower and he was like.....

Blerghhhh I stalk you~!

         Who invented this soft toy? Maria Ozawa?? What's wrong with the manufacturer? Who is their target consumer?? Serial rapist? Pedophile ? That turtle is sick, man. I bet that turtle probably stuffed with pure lust or something. I mean, imagine this turtle eye-balling YOU when you're changing cloth.

I like to look at your junk~!

I even bet this turtle invented the threesome,anal sex and whatnot...BECAUSE ITS SO MOTHEREFFING PERVERT.Attention Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle,please knock some sense back to YOUR COUSIN (Zing~! ),kick his ass,ball.whatever.

Thank for reading today's episode of Sweet Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and beware of pervert turtle.