Flip Bun

           Who doesn't like roti canai. Yeah, that not-racist cuisine,I am 99% sure all Malaysian like roti canai whether you are homosexual or not. Those who never eat roti canai, we can't be friend anymore,now go back to Uganda ,where you belong. And those who hate roti canai, need to die...in a fire. (I'm just sayin' ) The feeling of eating roti canai is way way much better than giving a surprise butt seks.(not that I ever give one). Some of you may call that delicacy as roti canai but I called it heart-attack-on-a-plate. Did you see how much oil the mamak use to make the roti canai. And to make matter worse,he even add butter.

You : what's wrong with oil and butter?
Me/Future-Prime-minister : Oil and butter contain a lot of fat. All those fat will clog up your arteries and give you a heart attack,thats what's wrong with it. Now do you see my point? After this, if I go to mamak stall, i will say," could I please order two piece of  heart-attack-on-a-plate".

Heart-Attack- on-a-Plate

             The amount of oil that the mamak put, I bet you could even burn down KL tower with that amount of oil. (I'm just sayin'). How do you translate "roti canai" in English anyway? Since you toss and flip the dough around, I called it "Flip Bun". Judging from the way that mamak knead that dough, he must be ex-party-deejay, you know, when he spin the record on the deejay machine.Ok, enough about your father.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I like to nom nom nom flip bun on top of KL tower.

Hey forum, I need you to check out this guy, he is funnier then a moonwalking-Eminem in a skirt.
Link here :
PREPARE TO LAUGH LIKE YOU JUST GET AIDS

Suicide Hero

Alviss kong with his GF

Alviss Kong,22 years old male, committed suicide after he was dumped by his girlfriend. Alviss Kong started his relationship with his girlfriend on the 26th of July 2010 and the whole relationship lasted only 4 months. This is only Alviss’s second relationship. Alviss Kong left a countdown message on his Facebook wall 45 minutes before he off himself, at around 11.15p.m. on Wednesday night (8th December 2010) At midnight, he jumped off from a 14th floor of a building and fall to his death. He was pronounced dead 9a.m. on Thursday (9th December 2010).

 

Alviss Kong final moment before his untimely death

Keough Honey

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give your heart for?

Not the expression, no, literally give your heart for?

But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?

And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you? 

What happens when you become the main source of her pain?

Unwanted. You win some,u lose some. No need to fret. Nothing to be sad off. My banishment is her bliss.I'm rotting inside to achieve a common greater good. I'm not a decent person,to begin with. It would be appreciated to hate me for my sin. Detest me for my crime. Despise me for my behavior . I shun myself, I hide myself, run away from the light,like I never exist at all. You will don't even know I'm there ,I'll do whatever necessary to cease my existent.  I'll do it even if it cost me my privilege and indulgence.

                                                                  

         You are someone who is a dear to me but I know I have done a lot of things you disapprove. Good times never last, bad times never stop. I'm so sorry for all the dumb mistake that I have done. Thanks for the times. My earnest gratitude for the cheer and comfort ,albeit how ephemeral it may be. I may or may not have make you happy but I have, without a doubt, certainly have distort your emotion to another dimension. We'll see what will happen in the future but I warrant my future is dark and gloomy. The better life,you will have, I'm most certain. Whatever have happened,it won't happen again, I cannot bear the knowledge of hurting you anymore. I slit my throat anytime, but not that I intend to do it.  I'm no Alviss Kong. Don't worry , I'm not offing myself.

      I suffocate in the tragic mishap that mostly self-inflicted. I cast away my humanity. What left is a blank soul. Pity not the black murderer, the hangman deserve his boot. I face tragedy with a broken will, fail to adapt make me a weak fool .Pity me not, give it to the deserving starving misfortune.

  I'll say "I hide in the dark shadow"

and forever more be repeated 

by a man battle-scared 

and repented.

Earth Cafe

Entry by our lucky winners,Mikky-Ann. Her actual text was too religious for my blog (hey,i was on fire when I read her text) not to mention it was in Bahasa Melayu,(not that I'm against Bahasa Melayu,I use BM all the time). So I translated the text into English and edited it a bit (actually 99% edited from original version =_= ).  So here you have it. Enjoy.

What the world has to offer: 

1. People unsatisfiable greed for the latest shit,like....... walkman and Microsoft XP    (LOLwhat?? that's so old-school)
2. You worry some-random Nigerian steal your latest i-pod from you.   
3. Having a beautiful wife or being rich does not promise happiness cause you are afraid of losing it (for me,I'm afraid of losing my handsome look)
4. People plotting to bring you down because of jealousy
5. The world fights and argues over pointless matter while millions die of starvation
6. Rich arrogant bastard who brag about their indoor pool and how much $$$ they have in their Swiss bank account
7. The world blinds you from religious obligation and commandment. (Usual method of bribe: porn) 
8. Entertainment that distract you from your study.( Damn,without Dota and korean-drama, i will surely not-fail my exam)
9. Racist who discriminate people by color of their skin,hate others for no good reason
10. The world is rule by bloody dictator-wannabe/leader who abuses their power for their own monetary gain
11. Morons and criminals whose nefarious deeds leave people dead/poor/not-virgin 
12. Sick bastard like Bush, Hitler and Keough..eh..?? Wait a minute..who the fcuk fish put my name ??!! Balls!! (face palm)

Hitler is worried some-random Nigerian steal his i-Pod

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I’m Keough,and I buy my Viagra from Al-Qaeda.

So...............

This is Daisy.So beautiful~! that I'm melting. I want Daisy ~ahakz
(daisy reply: go to hell)
(keough slowly walking to hell)

(daisy,jangan marah yer,don't kill me or cekik me..hehe )

Keough Off Day

           Hello Jew-lovers  Malaysian. My name is Kobayashi but you can call me Mr Dickshit. I am the Sanitary Officer a.k.a Janitor in Apple waffle Industry. As you can see, Keough is not available at the moment but don't panic, Mr Dickshit  will be your host for today. (Who need that dumb Keough  when you have me. I'm way much cooler than that moron.)

Readers, I celebrate Xmas every year,and I would like to share my wish list for this year Christmas.

My top ten wishes for Xmas

1. Taylor Swift become my maid
2. End of world poverty
3. Play badminton with Obama
4. Kiss all SNSD members (Yoona twice)
5. Slap Bush 2 times
6. Have a really-functioning Light Saber that can cut metal. Not the one that only give out light.
7. Eat noodle with Najib
8. Watch P. Ramlee movies in 3D
9. I wish your dad stop being an alcoholic
10. To get a lot of $$$ so I can throw a party for Apple Waffle reader

Gee Gee Gee baby baby

Top 10 reason why Santa won't come down my chimney

1. Abu Sayaf  kidnap the reindeer
2. I hate black people.I am a mother******g racist
3. My dog ate him last year
4. He mistakenly gave me two gifts last year
5. I steal money from orphan
6. I have AIDS
7. coz I have sex with goat
8. I don't have a chimney
9. I am not a Christian
10. Santa does not exist

Thank for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle, I'm Kobayashi and Keough is a MOTHERF******
(Later that day, Mr Dickshit was never seen again)

Convention of Conundrum

                 Hey internet-monger,yesterday I went to this supposedly to be a "support group discussion" where they talk about stuff supposedly beneficial . Even motherfcuker like me goes to support group. But lets call this support group discussion as "gay convention". In that gay convention,i was so piss off because I can't hear what the fcuk  the speaker was saying. You have the official speaker blabbering about some random crap,then you also have the un-certified speakers next to you talking about how there were adopted. Please SHUT UP. 

Please respect the (gay) convention, be more sensitive to others who were trying to listen to the speaker. Don't fcuk up the gay-convention, go fcuk yourself up elsewhere. If you really dying to chat, go to mamak stall or something. Don't come to the convention. Then there is a bunch of people/bapuk keep playing with their phone.Hello mister, if you don't want to pay attention,just get the fcuk out. You obviously not interested to be here.

Tomorrow ( 18/12/2010) and guess what, Keough a.k.a your favourite motherf***** will be in Comic Fiesta in Time Square.(Emmmm...cosplayer.........nyum nyum) I hope I could see you guys and girls.it gonna be fun. If you in the area,you should definitely come and meet me ( but I won't be handing autograph).I am really easy to find,just look for the most handsome person in the hall. I will be wearing dark green wool sweater.

Make sure to fully charge your camera~

LOL WHAT THE FUC FISH ?

Announcing the winner of 1000++ Viewer Celebration Contest. Congratulation for the winner Ezril/goat-rapist and Miki-Ann/cute kitten.They each won themselves a chance to write something, anything for Apple Waffle. Be the master for Apple Waffle for a day. (I have a bad feeling about these ) So the winner please be inform that you have to submit your writing (perverted or not perverted) as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out. I'm Keough and I have multiple orgasm over pokemon.

Suicide Me Not

Do you ever encounter a day where things just aren't going your way,where life seem to throw all kind of bull crap at you.Where you keep stumbling rock,hitting your head on the wall and you felt the world are just too cruel and unjust.Shit keep happening.Then frustration beyond word start to seep in and after a while,you became melancholy for three days three nights.

Then come the 100 million dollar question?

" Why this thing happened to me?"Why me?"

From that point,you could either
1.   Solve your problem.be proactive and never say die.
2   Just rot in some hole (or in my case,in front of my laptop) ,waiting for someone to save your buttock (or in my case i wait for god to help me)
3. You just gave up

SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM!

Don't just sit there.Do something.Act.Don't hibernate.Never stop working your butt-off until the problem solved.Thing aint gonna go away unless something is done.Besides,only YOU can take care of yourself.Friend can help,yes,from the kindness of their heart.But some friend aren't that supportive,better check if they are from Penjara Sungai Buloh.

be strong like 300

 

gave up

At this point,you just given up.You just don't care anymore what gonna happen to you.You find yourself doing thing that's most likely unproductive to cheer yourself up since you are in constant state of melancholy,like smoke weed,consume 10 barrel of alcohol a day,and eat a lot of food enough to feed a small African nation.

Then you get to a point where life doesn't have a meaning anymore,you become suicidal.

You are alone. You don't feel like telling anyone about your problem,even your own blood,because you know they won't understand.Next thing you know offing yourself sound like a good idea and the edge of the building really look friendly but at the same time you are afraid of the pain that come along with death. Your mind divided,you are like 50-50 percent chances you might kill yourself or you might not. Death is whispering every seconds when you are awake. If you ever in this situation,you should totally totally contact me or other person you can trust. So that they can keep an eye on you. So that they could stop you from killing yourself.
But be warn,some friend
will laugh it off,thinking it was a joke
but don't mind them,keep moving on until you find someone who willing to listen and stop you. Who give encouragement,a soothing word for the wounded soul. Someone who will offer his hand to drag you out off your misery.Please try this for at least 5 time.That's all I ask. 

My sister,Yoona will be sad if you kill yourself

Happy Holiday

           Remember last Tuesday we have a holiday,yeah,that Tuesday. The day you don't have class and wake up at 12 pm.(or in my case, i wake at 4 pm) Yeah,that day. Malaysian,that day is a holiday because it's the New Year for muslim.It is call Awal Muharam.

Awal means beginning in English and Muharram is the name of the first month in the Muslim calendar. So Awal Muharram is "the start of Muharram".

             It is also the day Prophet Muhammad's journey from Mecca to Medina on the first of Muharram in 622AD/the-year-I-was-born.Thats why it is also known as Maal Hijrah. Hijrah mean to move away from something/someplace. For muslim,it's a fresh start. New vow are made to move away from bad habit and become a better person.(but somehow I never manage to kept my vow,but this year for sure)

You : yeah right..you said that last year too
Keough :  ...................................................................(speechless)

          To mark the occasion, Muslims attend various religious activities throughout the country.Special prayers and sermons at public halls and mosques for unworldly gain.In Malaysia, a 'Tokoh Ma'al Hijrah' is awarded to a Muslim personality to honour their contribution to Islam. This year Tokoh Ma'al Hijrah is awarded to Tan Sri Dr.Zeti Akhtar Aziz, (our beloved Gabenor Bank Negara/your-girlfriend). Your girlfriend received a cash prize of RM100,000, a medal, plaque and a certificate.Wow,what the fu fish? Rm100,000? Congratulation! Now you can finally marry your girl-friend using that money .I wish I'm that lucky,so jealous of you. If I win that amount of money, of course I wont tell mom and dad.I say I won Rm1000 and give them the only the medal,plaque,and the certificate .(Bad son)

YDP-Agong presenting the award to Zeti,and next year it's my turn.(hopefully)

Why suddenly I have the motivation to keep my vow for this year.(You : yeah,we know you want to win the Tokoh Maal Hijrah,dream on Keough,)Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.Chill out. I'm Keough and you are from Nigeria. By the way,i'm promoting my sis artwork,she is really talented.Just check her out.She posted her artwork on FaceBook page
~LETS STALK HER PAGE~click here please

Testimony of Dullahan

Why I don't understand my classmate presentation.

1. The presenter is not beautiful enough
2. The screen is not big enough
3. The aircond is not cold enough
4. The chair is not comfotable enough
5. I'm a malay
6. The light is not dim enough
7. The presenter is homosexual
8. The lecture hall wall color is not the color I like
9. My classmate beside me is sleeping
10. The presenter talk too fast
11. I'm hungry
12. My scholarship still did not arrive yet

(You : Hey Keough,stop blaming everything and blame yourself)
Me: Ok i stop blaming everything....after you stop watching YouTube

Do you want him as your presenter?? 

Dr Keough is here again,and today I gonna educate you all with some new disease that appear in our internet society. It is safe to believe that 70% of internet user may have this disease.


LOLOLosis
patients will say LOL 200 times a day for the rest of their life. The only cure is rip off the word "L" and "O" from their laptop.

ROFLitis:
Patients who suffer this disease will roll-on-floor-laughing every time they hear a joke. This patient should avoid the edge of the cliff or building so they don't roll down and die.cannot mau-tan klambing (mountain climbing)..sure die.

LMAO-flu
this disease is cousin of bird flu and worse than swine flu,patient will have the urge to defecate every time they laugh.It is advise that patient eat a lot of fiber.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT-I'm giving away free prize as celebration coz I have 1000+ viewer  CLICK HERE

THREE APPLE

Today Apple Waffle is dedicated to my buddy Hidzir/awesome-guitarist.I wish him a happy Happy Birthday and another great year.

TAKE~1: KEOUGH DICTIONARY


I'm tired of using the word "random". I think it is overrated. Instead of the old-lame-boring word "random", im gonna replace it with the word "condom"

random=condom

Quick example:

1. The teacher condomly pick 1 student as the class monitor.

2. Don't just pick a condom shirt for a date,dress nicely to impress her.

3.  Person A: Who is that guy?

     Person B: I don't know.Just a condom guy and his GF

     Person A: They are so condom.

____________________________________AW________________________________

TAKE~2:  FB-HOLIC DOSSIER

90% of you who reading this have been addicted to FB at some point of your life.Well,my one piece of advise is,it would be best if you only open FB after all your work done,your assignment finish,your job complete and etc etc.
(You : enough with the chit chat,where is the funny story?!! and Im not addicted to FB . F*** you Keough)

wowowowo..calm down,no need to use to the F word.Geez you people/wannabe-tenuk have no patience.Who crap on your nasi lemak?

There are a few type of FB user

Type one : The stalker

Stalker type rarely type anything on their own wall but comment/spam condom crap on other people wall.This type are obviously the cool type,becoz you are in the same group as me.

Type two : The Open Diary-ist

Open Diary-ist always say all the thing that happen in their life such as:

   I'm in the KFC

I'm buying KFC

I'm opening the KFC bucket

I'm eating the KFC

I'm throwing the empty KFC bucket into the dustbin

<12 hours later>

I'm crapping the KFC i ate yesterday

For god sake,I don't want to hear every condom-crap that happen in your life. Why I want to know all this? ARGGGGGGHHH!!!  Just save it for yourself. These people treat blog,FB ,twitter like a diary.And each time I read all these diary-thingy it give me headache and diarrhea.

Type 3. The Only-Open-FB-once-a-Year

This type is very rare pokemon.(if you see it,quickly your throw your pokeball,aim for the ball head) This type doesn't do anything,doesn't update anything and only log-in for 5 minute at the most. Don't feed this type becoz it is known to bite off hand....eh wait,thats my pet-alligator.Nevermind.

____________________________________AW_____________________________

Take~3 EASY MONEY

I'm about to tell you about a beggar.This happen after the Friday prayer 

(You : OMG,Keough you are muslim? but you are so cool)

(Keough : muslim can be cool too.  =_=||||  ) 

There is this Pakistani beggar blabbering/mumbling in Urdu at the exit of the mossque . I really don't understand what the hell he is talking about  but man, people keep pouring money over his hand.

He was like

kjhnhdv sjbmjfljns bjlhmvljbnh kljfjbyjlj  bjjjfkb jjdl hjljhlb oqyercn cnoaqy wfomk

and the people was like keep tossing their hard earn money even though they don't understand a damn thing he was saying.I bet that guy was saying

~I'm a faggot. I don't have ball to get a real job. I'm adopted. Vote for Najib. I hate American. Please suck my ball.I'm more handsome than you.My dad is Eminem.

He also bring his 10 years-old-something kid to stand beside him. I'm not really sure whether that kid is  his real son or just some-condom kid he kidnap pull to stand beside him. I bet that beggar was like 'son,when you grow up,this is how you make money"

Maybe I should do it next Friday,who need part time work when u can beg.and i will say

padayappa muthu ingge poringge berbatov sashimi naruto sasuke jiraiya..I bet I will get enough money to buy an electric guitar.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and I like your GF.

Picture of your GF

                        

hey u Keough!

Yes,you were wondering why today no Apple Waffle.Sorry my loyal customer.I miss-track the time. The thing is,I though today is Thursday.Then I realize..


OMG TODAY IS FRIDAY? OMG OMG OMG

Don't panic yet,don't call Taliban to bomb my house yet.Tomorrow I post something funny for u..until then,pls enjoy the pic of you I take secretly.

By the way,I like your moustache