Flip Bun

           Who doesn't like roti canai. Yeah, that not-racist cuisine,I am 99% sure all Malaysian like roti canai whether you are homosexual or not. Those who never eat roti canai, we can't be friend anymore,now go back to Uganda ,where you belong. And those who hate roti canai, need to die...in a fire. (I'm just sayin' ) The feeling of eating roti canai is way way much better than giving a surprise butt seks.(not that I ever give one). Some of you may call that delicacy as roti canai but I called it heart-attack-on-a-plate. Did you see how much oil the mamak use to make the roti canai. And to make matter worse,he even add butter.

You : what's wrong with oil and butter?
Me/Future-Prime-minister : Oil and butter contain a lot of fat. All those fat will clog up your arteries and give you a heart attack,thats what's wrong with it. Now do you see my point? After this, if I go to mamak stall, i will say," could I please order two piece of  heart-attack-on-a-plate".

Heart-Attack- on-a-Plate

             The amount of oil that the mamak put, I bet you could even burn down KL tower with that amount of oil. (I'm just sayin'). How do you translate "roti canai" in English anyway? Since you toss and flip the dough around, I called it "Flip Bun". Judging from the way that mamak knead that dough, he must be ex-party-deejay, you know, when he spin the record on the deejay machine.Ok, enough about your father.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I'm Keough and I like to nom nom nom flip bun on top of KL tower.

Hey forum, I need you to check out this guy, he is funnier then a moonwalking-Eminem in a skirt.
Link here :
PREPARE TO LAUGH LIKE YOU JUST GET AIDS

Suicide Hero

Alviss kong with his GF

Alviss Kong,22 years old male, committed suicide after he was dumped by his girlfriend. Alviss Kong started his relationship with his girlfriend on the 26th of July 2010 and the whole relationship lasted only 4 months. This is only Alviss’s second relationship. Alviss Kong left a countdown message on his Facebook wall 45 minutes before he off himself, at around 11.15p.m. on Wednesday night (8th December 2010) At midnight, he jumped off from a 14th floor of a building and fall to his death. He was pronounced dead 9a.m. on Thursday (9th December 2010).

 

Alviss Kong final moment before his untimely death

Keough Honey

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give your heart for?

Not the expression, no, literally give your heart for?

But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?

And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you? 

What happens when you become the main source of her pain?

Unwanted. You win some,u lose some. No need to fret. Nothing to be sad off. My banishment is her bliss.I'm rotting inside to achieve a common greater good. I'm not a decent person,to begin with. It would be appreciated to hate me for my sin. Detest me for my crime. Despise me for my behavior . I shun myself, I hide myself, run away from the light,like I never exist at all. You will don't even know I'm there ,I'll do whatever necessary to cease my existent.  I'll do it even if it cost me my privilege and indulgence.

                                                                  

         You are someone who is a dear to me but I know I have done a lot of things you disapprove. Good times never last, bad times never stop. I'm so sorry for all the dumb mistake that I have done. Thanks for the times. My earnest gratitude for the cheer and comfort ,albeit how ephemeral it may be. I may or may not have make you happy but I have, without a doubt, certainly have distort your emotion to another dimension. We'll see what will happen in the future but I warrant my future is dark and gloomy. The better life,you will have, I'm most certain. Whatever have happened,it won't happen again, I cannot bear the knowledge of hurting you anymore. I slit my throat anytime, but not that I intend to do it.  I'm no Alviss Kong. Don't worry , I'm not offing myself.

      I suffocate in the tragic mishap that mostly self-inflicted. I cast away my humanity. What left is a blank soul. Pity not the black murderer, the hangman deserve his boot. I face tragedy with a broken will, fail to adapt make me a weak fool .Pity me not, give it to the deserving starving misfortune.

  I'll say "I hide in the dark shadow"

and forever more be repeated 

by a man battle-scared 

and repented.

Earth Cafe

Entry by our lucky winners,Mikky-Ann. Her actual text was too religious for my blog (hey,i was on fire when I read her text) not to mention it was in Bahasa Melayu,(not that I'm against Bahasa Melayu,I use BM all the time). So I translated the text into English and edited it a bit (actually 99% edited from original version =_= ).  So here you have it. Enjoy.

What the world has to offer: 

1. People unsatisfiable greed for the latest shit,like....... walkman and Microsoft XP    (LOLwhat?? that's so old-school)
2. You worry some-random Nigerian steal your latest i-pod from you.   
3. Having a beautiful wife or being rich does not promise happiness cause you are afraid of losing it (for me,I'm afraid of losing my handsome look)
4. People plotting to bring you down because of jealousy
5. The world fights and argues over pointless matter while millions die of starvation
6. Rich arrogant bastard who brag about their indoor pool and how much $$$ they have in their Swiss bank account
7. The world blinds you from religious obligation and commandment. (Usual method of bribe: porn) 
8. Entertainment that distract you from your study.( Damn,without Dota and korean-drama, i will surely not-fail my exam)
9. Racist who discriminate people by color of their skin,hate others for no good reason
10. The world is rule by bloody dictator-wannabe/leader who abuses their power for their own monetary gain
11. Morons and criminals whose nefarious deeds leave people dead/poor/not-virgin 
12. Sick bastard like Bush, Hitler and Keough..eh..?? Wait a minute..who the fcuk fish put my name ??!! Balls!! (face palm)

Hitler is worried some-random Nigerian steal his i-Pod

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out, I’m Keough,and I buy my Viagra from Al-Qaeda.

So...............

This is Daisy.So beautiful~! that I'm melting. I want Daisy ~ahakz
(daisy reply: go to hell)
(keough slowly walking to hell)

(daisy,jangan marah yer,don't kill me or cekik me..hehe )

Keough Off Day

           Hello Jew-lovers  Malaysian. My name is Kobayashi but you can call me Mr Dickshit. I am the Sanitary Officer a.k.a Janitor in Apple waffle Industry. As you can see, Keough is not available at the moment but don't panic, Mr Dickshit  will be your host for today. (Who need that dumb Keough  when you have me. I'm way much cooler than that moron.)

Readers, I celebrate Xmas every year,and I would like to share my wish list for this year Christmas.

My top ten wishes for Xmas

1. Taylor Swift become my maid
2. End of world poverty
3. Play badminton with Obama
4. Kiss all SNSD members (Yoona twice)
5. Slap Bush 2 times
6. Have a really-functioning Light Saber that can cut metal. Not the one that only give out light.
7. Eat noodle with Najib
8. Watch P. Ramlee movies in 3D
9. I wish your dad stop being an alcoholic
10. To get a lot of $$$ so I can throw a party for Apple Waffle reader

Gee Gee Gee baby baby

Top 10 reason why Santa won't come down my chimney

1. Abu Sayaf  kidnap the reindeer
2. I hate black people.I am a mother******g racist
3. My dog ate him last year
4. He mistakenly gave me two gifts last year
5. I steal money from orphan
6. I have AIDS
7. coz I have sex with goat
8. I don't have a chimney
9. I am not a Christian
10. Santa does not exist

Thank for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle, I'm Kobayashi and Keough is a MOTHERF******
(Later that day, Mr Dickshit was never seen again)

Convention of Conundrum

                 Hey internet-monger,yesterday I went to this supposedly to be a "support group discussion" where they talk about stuff supposedly beneficial . Even motherfcuker like me goes to support group. But lets call this support group discussion as "gay convention". In that gay convention,i was so piss off because I can't hear what the fcuk  the speaker was saying. You have the official speaker blabbering about some random crap,then you also have the un-certified speakers next to you talking about how there were adopted. Please SHUT UP. 

Please respect the (gay) convention, be more sensitive to others who were trying to listen to the speaker. Don't fcuk up the gay-convention, go fcuk yourself up elsewhere. If you really dying to chat, go to mamak stall or something. Don't come to the convention. Then there is a bunch of people/bapuk keep playing with their phone.Hello mister, if you don't want to pay attention,just get the fcuk out. You obviously not interested to be here.

Tomorrow ( 18/12/2010) and guess what, Keough a.k.a your favourite motherf***** will be in Comic Fiesta in Time Square.(Emmmm...cosplayer.........nyum nyum) I hope I could see you guys and girls.it gonna be fun. If you in the area,you should definitely come and meet me ( but I won't be handing autograph).I am really easy to find,just look for the most handsome person in the hall. I will be wearing dark green wool sweater.

Make sure to fully charge your camera~

LOL WHAT THE FUC FISH ?

Announcing the winner of 1000++ Viewer Celebration Contest. Congratulation for the winner Ezril/goat-rapist and Miki-Ann/cute kitten.They each won themselves a chance to write something, anything for Apple Waffle. Be the master for Apple Waffle for a day. (I have a bad feeling about these ) So the winner please be inform that you have to submit your writing (perverted or not perverted) as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. Chill out. I'm Keough and I have multiple orgasm over pokemon.

Suicide Me Not

Do you ever encounter a day where things just aren't going your way,where life seem to throw all kind of bull crap at you.Where you keep stumbling rock,hitting your head on the wall and you felt the world are just too cruel and unjust.Shit keep happening.Then frustration beyond word start to seep in and after a while,you became melancholy for three days three nights.

Then come the 100 million dollar question?

" Why this thing happened to me?"Why me?"

From that point,you could either
1.   Solve your problem.be proactive and never say die.
2   Just rot in some hole (or in my case,in front of my laptop) ,waiting for someone to save your buttock (or in my case i wait for god to help me)
3. You just gave up

SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM!

Don't just sit there.Do something.Act.Don't hibernate.Never stop working your butt-off until the problem solved.Thing aint gonna go away unless something is done.Besides,only YOU can take care of yourself.Friend can help,yes,from the kindness of their heart.But some friend aren't that supportive,better check if they are from Penjara Sungai Buloh.

be strong like 300

 

gave up

At this point,you just given up.You just don't care anymore what gonna happen to you.You find yourself doing thing that's most likely unproductive to cheer yourself up since you are in constant state of melancholy,like smoke weed,consume 10 barrel of alcohol a day,and eat a lot of food enough to feed a small African nation.

Then you get to a point where life doesn't have a meaning anymore,you become suicidal.

You are alone. You don't feel like telling anyone about your problem,even your own blood,because you know they won't understand.Next thing you know offing yourself sound like a good idea and the edge of the building really look friendly but at the same time you are afraid of the pain that come along with death. Your mind divided,you are like 50-50 percent chances you might kill yourself or you might not. Death is whispering every seconds when you are awake. If you ever in this situation,you should totally totally contact me or other person you can trust. So that they can keep an eye on you. So that they could stop you from killing yourself.
But be warn,some friend
will laugh it off,thinking it was a joke
but don't mind them,keep moving on until you find someone who willing to listen and stop you. Who give encouragement,a soothing word for the wounded soul. Someone who will offer his hand to drag you out off your misery.Please try this for at least 5 time.That's all I ask. 

My sister,Yoona will be sad if you kill yourself

Happy Holiday

           Remember last Tuesday we have a holiday,yeah,that Tuesday. The day you don't have class and wake up at 12 pm.(or in my case, i wake at 4 pm) Yeah,that day. Malaysian,that day is a holiday because it's the New Year for muslim.It is call Awal Muharam.

Awal means beginning in English and Muharram is the name of the first month in the Muslim calendar. So Awal Muharram is "the start of Muharram".

             It is also the day Prophet Muhammad's journey from Mecca to Medina on the first of Muharram in 622AD/the-year-I-was-born.Thats why it is also known as Maal Hijrah. Hijrah mean to move away from something/someplace. For muslim,it's a fresh start. New vow are made to move away from bad habit and become a better person.(but somehow I never manage to kept my vow,but this year for sure)

You : yeah right..you said that last year too
Keough :  ...................................................................(speechless)

          To mark the occasion, Muslims attend various religious activities throughout the country.Special prayers and sermons at public halls and mosques for unworldly gain.In Malaysia, a 'Tokoh Ma'al Hijrah' is awarded to a Muslim personality to honour their contribution to Islam. This year Tokoh Ma'al Hijrah is awarded to Tan Sri Dr.Zeti Akhtar Aziz, (our beloved Gabenor Bank Negara/your-girlfriend). Your girlfriend received a cash prize of RM100,000, a medal, plaque and a certificate.Wow,what the fu fish? Rm100,000? Congratulation! Now you can finally marry your girl-friend using that money .I wish I'm that lucky,so jealous of you. If I win that amount of money, of course I wont tell mom and dad.I say I won Rm1000 and give them the only the medal,plaque,and the certificate .(Bad son)

YDP-Agong presenting the award to Zeti,and next year it's my turn.(hopefully)

Why suddenly I have the motivation to keep my vow for this year.(You : yeah,we know you want to win the Tokoh Maal Hijrah,dream on Keough,)Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.Chill out. I'm Keough and you are from Nigeria. By the way,i'm promoting my sis artwork,she is really talented.Just check her out.She posted her artwork on FaceBook page
~LETS STALK HER PAGE~click here please

Testimony of Dullahan

Why I don't understand my classmate presentation.

1. The presenter is not beautiful enough
2. The screen is not big enough
3. The aircond is not cold enough
4. The chair is not comfotable enough
5. I'm a malay
6. The light is not dim enough
7. The presenter is homosexual
8. The lecture hall wall color is not the color I like
9. My classmate beside me is sleeping
10. The presenter talk too fast
11. I'm hungry
12. My scholarship still did not arrive yet

(You : Hey Keough,stop blaming everything and blame yourself)
Me: Ok i stop blaming everything....after you stop watching YouTube

Do you want him as your presenter?? 

Dr Keough is here again,and today I gonna educate you all with some new disease that appear in our internet society. It is safe to believe that 70% of internet user may have this disease.


LOLOLosis
patients will say LOL 200 times a day for the rest of their life. The only cure is rip off the word "L" and "O" from their laptop.

ROFLitis:
Patients who suffer this disease will roll-on-floor-laughing every time they hear a joke. This patient should avoid the edge of the cliff or building so they don't roll down and die.cannot mau-tan klambing (mountain climbing)..sure die.

LMAO-flu
this disease is cousin of bird flu and worse than swine flu,patient will have the urge to defecate every time they laugh.It is advise that patient eat a lot of fiber.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT-I'm giving away free prize as celebration coz I have 1000+ viewer  CLICK HERE

THREE APPLE

Today Apple Waffle is dedicated to my buddy Hidzir/awesome-guitarist.I wish him a happy Happy Birthday and another great year.

TAKE~1: KEOUGH DICTIONARY


I'm tired of using the word "random". I think it is overrated. Instead of the old-lame-boring word "random", im gonna replace it with the word "condom"

random=condom

Quick example:

1. The teacher condomly pick 1 student as the class monitor.

2. Don't just pick a condom shirt for a date,dress nicely to impress her.

3.  Person A: Who is that guy?

     Person B: I don't know.Just a condom guy and his GF

     Person A: They are so condom.

____________________________________AW________________________________

TAKE~2:  FB-HOLIC DOSSIER

90% of you who reading this have been addicted to FB at some point of your life.Well,my one piece of advise is,it would be best if you only open FB after all your work done,your assignment finish,your job complete and etc etc.
(You : enough with the chit chat,where is the funny story?!! and Im not addicted to FB . F*** you Keough)

wowowowo..calm down,no need to use to the F word.Geez you people/wannabe-tenuk have no patience.Who crap on your nasi lemak?

There are a few type of FB user

Type one : The stalker

Stalker type rarely type anything on their own wall but comment/spam condom crap on other people wall.This type are obviously the cool type,becoz you are in the same group as me.

Type two : The Open Diary-ist

Open Diary-ist always say all the thing that happen in their life such as:

   I'm in the KFC

I'm buying KFC

I'm opening the KFC bucket

I'm eating the KFC

I'm throwing the empty KFC bucket into the dustbin

<12 hours later>

I'm crapping the KFC i ate yesterday

For god sake,I don't want to hear every condom-crap that happen in your life. Why I want to know all this? ARGGGGGGHHH!!!  Just save it for yourself. These people treat blog,FB ,twitter like a diary.And each time I read all these diary-thingy it give me headache and diarrhea.

Type 3. The Only-Open-FB-once-a-Year

This type is very rare pokemon.(if you see it,quickly your throw your pokeball,aim for the ball head) This type doesn't do anything,doesn't update anything and only log-in for 5 minute at the most. Don't feed this type becoz it is known to bite off hand....eh wait,thats my pet-alligator.Nevermind.

____________________________________AW_____________________________

Take~3 EASY MONEY

I'm about to tell you about a beggar.This happen after the Friday prayer 

(You : OMG,Keough you are muslim? but you are so cool)

(Keough : muslim can be cool too.  =_=||||  ) 

There is this Pakistani beggar blabbering/mumbling in Urdu at the exit of the mossque . I really don't understand what the hell he is talking about  but man, people keep pouring money over his hand.

He was like

kjhnhdv sjbmjfljns bjlhmvljbnh kljfjbyjlj  bjjjfkb jjdl hjljhlb oqyercn cnoaqy wfomk

and the people was like keep tossing their hard earn money even though they don't understand a damn thing he was saying.I bet that guy was saying

~I'm a faggot. I don't have ball to get a real job. I'm adopted. Vote for Najib. I hate American. Please suck my ball.I'm more handsome than you.My dad is Eminem.

He also bring his 10 years-old-something kid to stand beside him. I'm not really sure whether that kid is  his real son or just some-condom kid he kidnap pull to stand beside him. I bet that beggar was like 'son,when you grow up,this is how you make money"

Maybe I should do it next Friday,who need part time work when u can beg.and i will say

padayappa muthu ingge poringge berbatov sashimi naruto sasuke jiraiya..I bet I will get enough money to buy an electric guitar.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and I like your GF.

Picture of your GF

                        

hey u Keough!

Yes,you were wondering why today no Apple Waffle.Sorry my loyal customer.I miss-track the time. The thing is,I though today is Thursday.Then I realize..


OMG TODAY IS FRIDAY? OMG OMG OMG

Don't panic yet,don't call Taliban to bomb my house yet.Tomorrow I post something funny for u..until then,pls enjoy the pic of you I take secretly.

By the way,I like your moustache

No Nu

This blog is dedicated to Pumpkin. I wud like to wish Pumpkin a happy Happy Birthday.I hope she get everything she want her life and never join Taliban.(But she can join Pakatan Rakyat).

There is this advertisement that really caught my attention,and it was not Jessica Alba  in a bikini. Does it bother you when someone spell "Nu" instead of "New".Nu this. Nu that. What next?

Nu Zealand? 
Nu York?

I find it fcuking ridiculous and annoying. More ridiculous than me.(I got boner over football field)

Joke aside,I know the person responsible for the  advertisement a.k.a your-room mate just want to be creative.Creative my ass.Inventing new spelling doesn't always translate into creativity. Your-room mate  is not creative at all. I bet you will find more creativity in a vagina.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and don't tell my mom about my blog.

This is what maori people think about your-room mate

Time is not Square

It was Sunday. Time to chill with my cool homies .So we hang out at Time Square,later watch movie.Believe me,Harry Potter movie is a load of bullcrap,which all my homies heavily opposed that,saying it was fun and decent movie.3 vs 1...so majority win? (I hate democracy)
Read all Harry Potter books? high five~!

As I was walk toward the monorail station from KL Sentral,I noticed a pretty lady. 
Oh my god,if you see what I saw,you will shit in your pant. Her arm have the hair thicker than orang utan.Whtat the fcuk fish?! Do anyone  have Zoo Negara contact number,there is a orang utan on the loose and have stolen someone cloth (and have a good sense of fashion too,if I might add )

When I'm at the monorail station,the same usual old story happened again. 

Where is the fcuking freaking line?  these people need a slap on the face.

One thing great about going to Time Square or such and such is you get to see a lot of leng loi and I silently half-wish they were my GF.(I really hope my GF is not reading these,Im sorry darling,I hang myself tomorrow)

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.Chill out.I'm Keough and Najib is your best friend

Sidenote
1.I am still single.Hard to believe rite? Or I'm just too afraid to admit I have GF??
2.This post is dedicated to Zaki/cool-muscular-dude who really help me a lot.Thankx Zaki

Funny You Tube Video

This is a special broadcast . Check out
Paku and Belacan/awesome-guys.
Their video is god-damn funny.I swear on my granpa's grave you will laugh your ass off.If you are not entertain by them,I am willing to pay you 100 million dollar.(ka-chingg $$$ )

(open self wallet,butterfly come out from wallet)
...............................

(awkward silent)


................So as I was saying.The video basically is about two Mat Salleh,who can speak Malay! How often can you see that?? What the fcuk I'm blabbering about?? Just go watch them.

MUST SEE VIDEO EVER

U better click it,before I start pole dancing .

Ask Me Anything

This time I let some of you ask me anything.

Q:How do I prevent STD?
A:  have sex only with goat

Q:What do I do if my bf cheat on me
A:dump him

Q:What do I do if my BF have sex with other girl
A: cut his ball,and then dump him

Q: keough,do u ever have sex ?
A:  MANY TIMES                <-----Big Liar

Q:How to be rich?
A. involve in weapon-smuggling bussiness

Q:How to get A in exam
A: Bribe the lecturer with your "asset"

Q: How to be cool like Keough?
A: never eat vegetables and spicy food

Q:How to get GF/BF?
A: ask Guru KariKaplaIkhanTandooriKalaripayatSilambamKabaddiVanngeVanakam

Q:How to safe the environment??
A: zzzzzzzz      (boring question,NEXT! )

Q: Keough,what is your real name?
A: holy crap..i forget to feed my pet alligator (run away like a ninja)

Q: How to be happy?
A: Never do drug and stay away from alligator pit

Q: How to get bomb?
A: fcuk..dont ask me,go ask Taliban or Abu Sayaff

Q: Why Apple Waffle only post every Monday and Friday?
A: coz other days I have PMS...

if you have anymore question..just post in the comment section below.Thanks for reading today's Apple Waffle.Chill out.I'm Keough and don't do drug.

I named my pet alligator Sakura-chan

ApplePie/Sidenote:
Hey,check out this awesome cool fantastic amazing video on You Tube,created by Paku and Belacan.They are really funny.Its not everyday you got the chance too see Mat Salleh speak fluently in Bahasa Malaysia.You should totally totally check them out.Paku and Belacan

Love Guru

I'm Guru  Kari Kapla IkhanTandooriKalaripayatSilambamKabaddiVanngeVanakam .I'm here to help all your love problem.I have a  Degree in Human Relationship and double Master in Sex and Love.I graduated from University of Maenkayu Tiga in French.Lets read what you bit*h and fcukers (and nigger) write to me today.

Sexy lady99 :

Dear,Guru Kari Kapla Ikhan,my boyfriend cheat on me behind my back.What should I do.I'm so sad and I really love him.

Guru Kari: 
Always make sure your BF stand in front of you.That way,he can never cheat behind your back.duh...

Big Ball Dude:

My GF always ask for sex.  I cannot tahan anymore.Plus I have to focus on my career too.  My ball used to be as big as coconut,now like ping pong. How do I solve my sex-problem?

Guru Kari: 
Buy her sex toys.size XXXL pink color.Keep the warranty in case  she broke it.

Romantic Guy:

I love miss A,but I am really clueless on how to show or give hint that i love her.What is the best thing for me to do to get her attention? Im really desperate.Thanx Guru Kari   for your attention.

Guru Kari: 

That's easy,follow my advise and you will have your dream girl in no time at all.
Step one,give her gifts,but don't sent it directly to her.Give it through someone else.Leave it on her desk.She sure wanna know the mysterious guy.
Step two,don't be horny around her.Girl hate horny guy.
Step three,play your cool card. Don't be rushing and too desperate.Be patient,remember,play cool card and she will like you even more.

Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.Chill out. I'm Keough and I don't have blue jizz.

Damned Species

There is a lot cat species in the world, like tiger,lion, puma, panther, jaguar, cheetah, leopard, snow leopard and regular cat you found in road-side foot stall.We human also have different species, and I'm not bluffing you.We human have a lot of jerk.After doing research for 5 minute,I hereby submit my report

Bastard who write perverted blog-fucker

Bastard who troll or comment nasty stuff on people blog-motherfucker

Bastard who troll or comment nasty stuff on people blog without using real name-grandmotherfucker

Bastard who stab you in the back- Asshole

Female bastard that stab you in the back  -Asshole Bitch

Bastard who like to annoy other people -corksucker

Bastard who like to annoy you 24 hours-alcoholic corksucker

Bastard that grumpy and short tempered -Dickshit

Bastard that is selfish and ignorant-dickhead

Which one are you? If you don't belong to this group,CONGRATULATION Have a panda as a gift.

cute panda eating bamboo

and a kitten as well

so adorable~

  

  And don't forget your flowers.

it smell nice~

  

 Thank for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.Chill out,I'm Keough and you are awesome.

#Sidenote
I'm promoting my brother's blog,check out his blog , 10x funnier than me.Check him out or I won't eat for 5 days.

http://ahjo-joseph.blogspot.com/

The Power of No

More often than not,we Malaysian fail to say no when someone ask for a huge favor.Why is it so hard to say no? It is just one syllable. Well,I believe Malaysian are born nice.It's in our genes. (Those mat rempit and other ill-mannered Malaysian,I doubt they are from this nation.Mexico,maybe? Even if they are really born here,I bet they must have hit their head or something when they were still babies.) Most likely consequences are you end up putting unnecessary burden to yourself. Before you say yes to everything,first,slap yourself (or bang your head on the wall,whichever you like)  and think rationally (like Hitler Mahathir,). 

"Do I have time for this?"

 "Will I be in a great trouble if I do this?"

"Will she have sex with me?"

"Is this a huge favor or a small favor?"

This mat rempit is from Mexico

Don't trouble your ass off when you could just can simply say no.You have other priorities like play Modern Warfare 2 and write perverted blog.Unless the favor in question is microscopically small (like my balls) and won't cause you any trouble or STD,just help him.

It easy to say no.(But I find it hard to say no to Japanese porn,I wonder why.....) 

Repeat after me.

NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

Repeat every time you stalking moms,doing dishes and whatnot (yeah,I know you stalk moms).After 3 days,u will discover the awesome power of no.



Situation where you cannot say no

1.people offer you  $$$  (add more money to your  in your small bank account.I know u only have RM 16.85)
2.people offer to belanja.free food!
3.taylor swift want to date with you.(note:bring condom)
4.blowjob  a job offer at a good company
5.Apple Waffle 

 Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.Chill out. I'm Keough and you are awesome.

Father to Son

To my beloved asshole son.. (If I have a son in the future.And i don't think I will have more than one...small genital...)

I will give you:

1.)unlimited access to porn
1. laptop Lenovo
2. black BMW car
3. Rm1000 a month
4. three iPhone (so he cud have three Gf..less easy to get caught cheating if u allocate different number to different gf)
5. Room with air-cond.(lancau,malaysia so hot)

Who want to be my son? Free BMW

In return of all this hospitality,I would expect my son to

1.call me supreme comannder
2.play futsal with me
3.take care 4 of my wife (poligamy rulez)
4.take care of my pet tenuk
5.never date anyone Iban .trust me son,I kena betrayed once by Iban girl (and now I'm blaming the whole race....??)
6.dont touch your-self
7.never smoke weed, (but u can play with hooker)
8. get out of my house!! how old are you??!!!
9. vote in every election..Don't blame government when things goes wrong...blame yourself for not choosing the right leader/party
10. read Apple Waffle every Monday and Friday



                                                               Yours sincerely and not-asshole-ly,

                                                                                                  Dad

Chill out. Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.I'm Keough and I like to stalk your mom.

How To Escape Exam

I know everybody hate exam.So uncle Keough is here to teach you how to escape exam.But first,let me tell you why exam is a bull crap.

We must ban the exam to save tree.Exam use a lot of paper,don't agree??? imagine one exam use 50 trees.then u calculate yourself how many school in Malaysia.let say for argument-sake,1000 school in malaysia.Every year there is 4 exam.So by right,we have chop down 2000000 trees a year just to do exams. What  the fu fish?So do you see my point? If you still don't see my point,please visit your nearest eye-doctor today.If we dont have tree,where the tenuk,cipan and tapir gonna live? Where is your elephant,rhino,tiger gonna live? Org utan/your-friend and Org asli/your-granpa also need the forest.

Save our forest

 

So this is my plan on how to escape exam
1. Broke your leg the day before the exam.(make sure you don't hurt your balls in the process)
2.Run away to south africa. (waka waka ea ea)
3.Say that a family member is dying
4.kill the dean
4.burn the examination hall
5.organize a Hindraf demonstration outside your examination hall so you can't get into the hall
6.Steal the exam paper and sell it to surat-khabar-lama man
7.Pay ah long to kidnap your self
8.Let mosquito bite you,so u will kena dengue
9.chop off your hand.No hand,so how to write answer?
10.hired a team of  lawyer to explain to your examiner why its illegal for you to take the exam.
11.get drunk and dont wake up for exam


Actually,don't escape from exam.Don't be a regret-er like me.Study before exam.



Chill out. Thanks for reading todays episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and you are born masochist.

Please Wait

             I am proud to be a Malaysian. Not becoz you like to touch yourself at night,but becoz we Malaysian have:

Lee Chong Wei-World number one badminton player
Koo Kien Keat-Tan Boon Heong-World number one double man badminton player
Nicole David-World number one squash player 
Safuan Said -World number one lawn-bowler
Karamjit Singh-World Champion in rally mototsport
Mat rempit- World number one retard
Keough-World number one doctor/blogger

after winning so many times,Chong Wei/kurus-ah-pek become too lazy to smile

What I am not proud is...............................

              We Malaysian NEVER queue  for buses,train and whatnot. We Malaysian have the patience of a tenuk. I just don't get it why we Malaysian can't be in a fcuking line before boarding the train??This ugly behavior make me sick This happen a lot,this happen everyday.What a shame.

Picture of people with no patience.

            I remember at one time I was in a line in the bank to pay for something,then this mak cik nonchalantly cut in line and stand in front of me.What the fcuk? Hello mak cik,can't you see there is a fcuking line here? Are you blind? What make things worse is that she show me a face like she hasn't done anything wrong. .mak cik,you followed what kind of alien planet rule?? I sure hope she fall in ravine and die.

I would let Kim Ah Jong cut in front of me anytime

              I really hope any Malaysian reading this start getting their act together,get it right. Stop being an insensitive jerk. For god-sake,have some common sense and line up,people! It's like the moment the buses/trains comes,is the moment you throw away your common sense and sanity down the drain. Don't throw your common sense down the drain,you can only throw dead hooker,shit and photo of your ex-BF/Gf down the drain.  Keep your sanity intact please. It's not like it's the end of the world,why you have to rush that BAD??

GOD-DAMN-IT BE PATIENT !!


Chill out,Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.I'm Keough and your friend love Brokeback Mountain.

Brockback Mountain-gay people movie

CHILL OUT

How do you unwind yourself? (farting doesn't count as unwind)
How you decompress?

I personally like to throw dead hooker into the river (and steal people underwear).

              Suppose after a tough day,what do you do? If you straight away study,congratulation,you are officially a nerd (like me).On the other hand,if u straight away sleep,u are a lazy turtle. One of the boys favourite past time is sport,especially futsal. Why futsal? Is that even a question? Futsal is like the greatest game in the world. Every question in life can be solve with futsal. Just break up? Play futsal and find hot chick/guy at the futsal center. Have no money? Play futsal and win cash prizes in the futsal tournament. Who need karma when you have futsal to explain everything in life.

One day I'm gonna marry a futsal ball

        I don't know what girls do to chill out,I bet they just clean the house,cook,wash the dishes or something. I'll be damn if they ever play futsal with boys. Why can't you girls play futsal with us boys? It's not like we wanna give you surprise-butt-seks or something.We just want you to play with our ball.(ROFL)

Here is a list on how to unwind yourself,(especially after a grumpy-demonic-lecturer class)

1.sport
2.watch drama/movie/anime
3.play guitar
4.sleep
5.watch porn (and hope you don't burn in hell)
6.get drunk  (and hope you don't get liver failure)
7.smoke    (and hope you don't get lung cancer)
8.write perverted blog    (and hope your mom doesn't read it)
9.smoke weed   (and hope you don't get Infective Endocarditis)
10.read applewaffe blog

Chill out.Thanks for reading today's episode of Apple Waffle.I'm Keough and I approve your sister's underwear color.

Indecision in Life

                  In this world,there are only two thing thats matter.It is what a man can afford,and what a man can't afford. Still don't understand? Still disagree with me? Let me give you a few example...

A man can't afford to rob a bank, but a man can afford to borrow money from his mom.(like I always do)

A man can't afford to break a rule, but a man can afford to break a rule without getting caught.
A man can't afford car, but a man can afford to tag along in his freind's car.
A man can't afford a book, but a man can afford to borrow the book from the library.
A man can't afford to waste time, but a man can afford to waste time for 5 minute.

or in my case,

I can't afford a hooker, but I can afford to meet your mom.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Please forgive me. Although I am an insensitive jerk,i have a good heart (on  average 67 beats per minute)

Chill out.Thanks for reading todays episode of Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and you are awesome.


Side note
Do you notice that today's blog is really small and tiny (like my genital) ? Sorry guys (and beautiful girls) .I am really busy right now...and IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT... I wont be blogging for a while.Huge exam coming on. Yeah,I'm gonna work my ass off or it will be the last thing I do.

If you see a handsome guy in this picture,that's me.

                       

Make Me Happy

               Presentation. Love it? Hate it? We all come through it at one point of our life,in one way or another.Most presentation sucks and damn boring! < High five  > Most of presenter I met,they are gay talk with monotonous tone. Last time I check,human have more than one tone.( Unless the presenter was fcuking alien or have throat cancer).Come on dude,don't make me bored. Don't complain if I fall asleep during your presentation.Blame it on yourself. (in my case,I blame it on the jews) Please make it more interesting so I don't fall asleep.I don't care what you do to make it interesting,put a picture of your gf (not-naked),cute kitten, porn (naked),whatever.I don't care..(or you can just put a fcuking coffee machine in the room)

Even  Saddam Hussein is bored by your presentation

              Don't you hate presenter who gave you a LONG TEXT but fail to stress the important point and fail to make make you understand the subject? The presenter don't give a damn whether you understand the subject or not.They just wanna complete their job with the most minimum of energy/commitment. Their half-baked effort in the presentation is laughable and not worthy of my precious time.I have a lot of mom to do with. I bet watching paint dry is more fun.(or reading Applewaffle blog/awesome-stuff)

Obama  face after he read my blog.

           Another thing that really bothers me is that the presenter talk so-damn- fast.How the fcuk am I gonna understand your presentation if your speech speed is 300km/h.What the fu.. fish?? Did someone replace your mouth with F1 car engine recently?? Are you trying catch a train? Slow down dude. Please give me a chance to understand whatever crap you gonna say. Next time someone present really fast to me,I'm gonna kick his ass (and balls) and scream"THIS IS BULLSHIT!! "

F1 mouth

Thanks for reading todays episode of  Apple Waffle. I'm Keough and you like Justin Bieber multiple orgasm.

Need More Sleep!

               It was any given weekdays.Early morning class. You hate early morning class? what are you? Snorlax? wake up sleepy-head, before I ask David Bechkam to kick your balls. If u don't have any ball,you are safe.There's me with my friend..Suddenly something really dumbstruck me. No,my teacher was not naked! If my teacher was naked, I will surely get severe vomiting,conjunctival hemorrhage and permanent brain damage.What I noticed was ............. 

ALL MY CLASSMATE HAVE EYE-BAG!!??
LOL what the fcuk fish? LMAO  (Laughing My Ass Off)

How come they all got eye-bag?? I hope they dont get eye-bag for the wrong reason such as:
a) play game in their laptop/psp
b) play with your mom hooker
c) watch  porn,anime/random korean drama/movie

Your favorite anime,Naruto

               I'm kidding.I'm kidding. All my classmate are good good people.They must have been studying all night long. I bet some of them even Qiyamullai......like me.Besides,I think eye-bag is sexy and cute.Those who disagree with me,go watch your porn korean drama.(note:don't trust a leng cai like me..i never Qiyamullai before =_='''')  A long time ago,I used to got eye-bag from FaceBook-ing. I blame it on the jews. Cis betul yahudi,apasal buat Fb seronok sangat!

This jews also like Naruto

  

Chill out.I'm Keough and your roommate like it in the ass.

Side note
By the way,a lot of you commented to me face to face,(yeah fcuk facebook!fcuk jews) that i use too much offensive word...
well to tell you the truth, what u read in my blog is the filtered version.The original version will contain 10x more F word.I really trying my best to limit the F word.Thanks for reading this,you all are awesome.
Check out my friend blog. (He blackmail me to promote his blog ) http://haruzato.blogspot.com/

Mark Zuckerberg,founder of FB.He is a jews.

Obnoxious Tale

You see,I just kambek from library.I was hungry,lunch time.Grab Rm10 from my wardrobe/bank,went to my apartment cafetaria.I intend to eat at my room so must use the polystyrene.I fill the polystyrene container with white rice until full.Suddenly,I notice there is a ..............

 
.........strand of HAIR on the back of the senduk nasi...

WHAT THE FCUK FISH??! Nasi beriani i know... but,nasi bulu?? Lancauuu,spoil my appetie already.

  

Since I work  part-time  CSI during form 5,(after watching 20 episode of CSI,u are certified forensic-person)I. analyze the unidentified hair/bulu..I concluded that it is not arm pit hair(bulu ketiak) nor nasal hair..coz very long,16 cm..so must be..................PUBIC HAIR?? Just kidding,of coz la normal human hair..unless big-foot cooked the rice.

I feel sorry for those who eat lunch at that kafetaria.


To celebrate my 5th day blogging,I give you special bonus.Mr Muthu,drum role pulisss...

< insert drum role here >

INFECTIVE ENDOCARDITIS NOTE!!! I know my classmate/lazy-ass-person dont read about Infective Endocarditis. They never read before class....Luckyly,Dr Keough is here to make you a good doctor like him ..
your welcome..your welcome...oh no..puliss don't kiss me,i dont want your STD..
by the way,It took me 2 hours to complete typing this note,my finger's bone is breaking alrerady,arghhhh!! *jump off the building* 

Chill out. I'm Keough  and your BF like suprise-butt-seks.

(ladies ,pls don't thow slippers at me )

INFECTIVE ENDOCARDITIS (IE)

Braunwald's Heart Disease. Saunders Elsenvier 2008

Introduction

characteristic: Vegetation

vegetation
variable size amorphous mass of platelet and fibrin with abundant enmeshed mircroorganim and moderate inflammtory cell.

site
heart valve -most common
on septal defect
chordae tendinae
mural endocardium


Acute IE                                                                        Subacute IE
Typically by Staphylococcus aureus                      typically by viridan streptococcus
mark toxicity                                                                   mild toxicity
days to week                                                                weeks to month
metastasize infection                                                       rarely metastasize


Epidemiology

more common in man    2:1
median age: 47-69
risk factor
IV drug user
degeneratve valve desease in elderly
intracardiac device
hemodialysis
helath care related(nosocomial infection,central venous line,catheters) 5-29% of IE cases


ETIOLOGICAL MICROORGANISM

Staphylococcus aureus-major cause in all population
Viridans Streptococci- 30-65% of IE related to IV drug abuser
                                    -normal flora of oropharynx
                                     -susceptible to penicillin..Kill it with penicillin+gentamycin

Streptococcus bovis-normal flora20-40% cases of native valve IE (native valve=non-prosthetic valve)
Enterococci- not common-kill with penicillin+gentamycin or streptomycin
Fungi  - Candida albicans

PATHOGENESIS
  

microorganism gain acces to the blood 

          |

adhere to valve surface 

|

proliferate to cause local damage and vegetation growth

|

disseminate hematogenous;y with or without emboli

#Bacteremia is a common thing but only not all develop IE.IE is rare because intact epithelium is resistant to infection.Platelet-fibrin deposit only at 

1.abnormal valve

2.injured/inflammed cardiac epithelium

the place platelet-fibrin deposited is called NBTE

(Non Bacterial Thrombotic Endocarditis)

NBTE is coz by: 1) endothelial injury

                      2) hyperocagulable state

Endothelial injury is cause by 

1..blod flow across narrow orrifice,

2..high velocity jet striking epithelium 

3..flow from high pressure chamber to low pressure chamber

NBTE become IE as a result of BACTEREMIA 

fibronectin    

produce by endothelial cell in response to injury

receptor of fibronectin is available in surface of S aureus ,viridans,streptococci,enterococci,S.pneumoniae,Candida albicans.(so can adhere to endothelium)

PATHOPHYSIOLOGY

clinical manifestation is cause by

(1)  local destruction effect of intracardiac infection

(2) embolization of bland or septic fragment of vegetation resulting infarction or infestion

(3)  hematogenous seeding of bacteremia 

(4)   deposition of immune complex

Effect of local destruction

1. destroy valve

2. distortion or perforation of valve

3.  rupture of chordae tendinae

4. fistula between major vessel or chambers (causing progressive Chronic Heart Failure )

5. Abcess-causing purulent pericarditis

6.distrupt electrocardiograph condution-causing arrhythmia  .

Large vegetaion can cause valvular stenosis.

CLINICAL MANIFESTATION

Symptom                                                 Sign

fever                                                       fever

chill                                                        murmur

sweat                                                   regurgitation murmur

rigor                                                    embolic event

Anorexia                                                spleenomegaly

Weight loss                                              clubbing                       

malaise                                                     splinter hemorrhage

dysopnea

Cough

Stroke

headache

nausea-vomitting

Chest pain

myalgia/athralgia

DIAGNOSIS

LAB TEST

-anemia,normochromic normocytic RBC (maybe absent in acute IE)

-low serum iron

-leucocyt   -subacue IE-normal

                 -acute IE-elevated

-ESR increase (except if patient have CHF,DIVC and renal failure)

-urinalysis: 50% cases of IE have protienuria and microsopic hematuria

TREATMENT

Two objective

• remove infection-antibiotic
• correct destruction in heart-surgical